Super Crazy Angst Time
by clown eyes
Summary: NaruIno. Not real pairings are: SasuIno, KakaIno, and SquirrelIno. But nothing weird. Naruto is sick of his life, as usual. EVENTUAL NARUINO, so if your looking for kissyface right off the bat, too bad. It's an end pairing.
1. Sasuke, Sasuke

1Whoot! The HET fic! You are sooooo lucky, aren't you?

You betcha, because I retyped this three times because I kept forgetting to save or doing it wrong. This would have been longer if I hadn't forgotten the stuff that got deleted...

If this isn't the pairing you wanted, I'm planning on doing a one-shot album eventually, with basically every pairing I can think of. And, whichever one shot gets the most feedback will be elaborated on. So watch out for that.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I'll only do a hilarious disclaimer if I happen to think of one.

Wai! Gaara won't die! I knew Kishimoto-sama wouldn't kill him off!

Chapter 1: Sasuke, Sasuke.

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! Why does everyone like Sasuke!" a pause, during which a menacing grumble is heard. "Arrrrgh! EVERYONE! HE'S SUCH A JEEERRK!"

A faint voice sounded through the walls of Naruto's apartment. "Can it, Naruto!" it said.

Naruto stopped in his internal (although not really) debate over why a jerk like Uchiha Sasuke was so well liked, while he wasn't. "Why only me..."

But Naruto knew why only him. Only him because he was a Jinchuriki (ehhe, sp?), but not, because Gaara was too. He felt mildly guilty for a time; everyone knew Gaara was worse off. Gaara had no friends, no one to protect him, hell, even Akatsuki had gone after him first. Yes, Gaara had gotten the worse end of the deal, from not being able to sleep to having nothing to occupy him while he was always awake.

It made Naruto angry that they were treated like that; Gaara had had no choice in the matter, and was continually attacked for it, and Naruto himself was supposed to be regarded as a hero. Did it not occur to the people of Leaf Village that, Naruto thought angrily, they were insulting the Fourth Hokage by not respecting his death wish?

By that time, Naruto realized he had been making excuses. Now, he was not angry at the villagers, not even Sasuke. He was angry at the Fourth Hokage, for choosing _him _to save the village, to contain the Kyuubi vessel.

Why why why? Why Naruto? Why did Naruto inherit all of the detrimental effects of the demon fox? He was sure the blasted thing had stunted his growth. Even at the ripe age of sixteen, he was barely one inch taller than most girls in the village, and practically a midget compared to the other boys. And what girl would want to date an annoying loudmouth midget when she could date tall, serious, handsome Sasuke or genius Shikamaru who was sooo cool by sacrificing himself for a cause during missions. And Neji...cold, aloof, noble Neji, Neji who was beaten down because his father was born second, poor, poor, beautiful Neji!

Naruto conveniently forgot that the only reason he could claim to be taller than the girls was his sunny, spiky blonde hair.

Which brings us back to why Naruto was cursing the Uchiha heir so vehemently.

Well, maybe not, but you wanted to know that anyway, right?

_Scaredy cat. Dobe. Dead last. Loser. Moron. Usuratonkachi. _

Earlier that day, Naruto had gone to meet Team Seven for a reunion, even though Team Seven had disbanded when they had become chuunin. Sasuke had deigned to come to this meeting even though he was "an avenger" and avengers just didn't attend reunions, to humor Kakashi, who had lost all of his close friends in the course of missions and was, naturally, lonely. Not to disregard Maito Gai; but meaningful conversations between the two consisted of Gai posing and claiming that if he didn't defeat Kakashi _this_ time, he would run 500 laps around the village perimeter on his arms, and Kakashi sighing and either attempting to escape, waiting for a convenient distraction to divert Gai's attention, and if he was feeling generous, favoring Gai with a short challenge, which Kakashi usually won anyhow. Because of this, Kakashi usually spent his free time pestering his only genin team or reading Icha Icha Paradisu.

When Naruto had arrived at the bridge he enthusiastically greeted his rival, and was rewared with a nod and a quiet grunt. He had then entertained the fancy that Sasuke didn't really know how to speak the human language and spent his time consorting with pigs, and had covered his mouth in a lame attempt to disguise his laughter.

Sasuke noticed Naruto laughing at him and rudely asked what he was laughing about. Naruto, who was not quite stupid enough to say what he was really thinking, had declared, "I'm just imagining how I'm going to kick your butt next time we fight, Sasuke!" – notice how Naruto is _not _using the impolite suffix, teme, in conjunction with Sasuke's name.

"Hn. Whatever, Naruto-baka." Had been the brunette's reply. – take notice, again, how Sasuke instigated the ensuing argument.

"Baka! W-w-!"

"Cat got your tongue, Scaredy cat?"

"SASUKE-TEME!" Naruto roared. How dare he! At least, Sakura wasn't here to witness this battle of wits.

"That's not really all you can think of, is it, dobe?" Sasuke was gleeful. You wouldn't know it to look at him, but he was filled with unadulterated happiness.

"T-EM-E!" Naruto's voice was becoming slightly strangled. They hadn't actually seen each other in months, not exchanged words in almost a year; why was Sasuke acting like they were twelve years old again?

"Tch, guess that cat really did get to you, dead last. Or maybe you're just getting...slow?" To do this...Sasuke supposed he should feel bad, to take advantage of Naruto like that. He would have done the same thing, had Sakura arrived first, but Naruto seemed to always have bad luck. Bad luck that Sasuke had to unload his frustration over Itachi on him.

"-u-u-" Naruto was becoming speechless. Quickly and methodically, as was Sasuke's way, he was insulted with every mean and embarrassing name he had been subject to at the hands (or mouth) of the young Uchiha.

He just didn't understand.

In the midst of all this, Sakura arrived. "What did Naruto do this time, Sasuke-kun?" So assuming, she always was.

"Hnn."

Sakura's head whirled around in a splay of pink. "Naruto, quit bothering Sasuke! You probably deserve this, anyway!" Oh, joy. He had missed getting yelled at for no reason. Really, he had. No, really. Rrrreeeeaaaaalllyyyy.

Naruto's eyes had narrowed at the two of them, but stopped before Sakura could yell at him again.

Sasuke quit in his attack of Naruto with someone else around, and the three stood at the bridge for several hours, punctuated only by Sakura asking Sasuke how he'd been. But not Naruto. Never Naruto.

When Kakashi eventually showed up, he had given his customary bullshit excuse. "Got lost on the road of life for real, this time, guys. Sooo...I'm afraid we'll have to reschedule." He vanished with a hand seal and a poof before any of the trio could react.

"Hot date, huh?" Sakura stated. But she wasn't all that upset; Kakashi had given her an excuse to spend time with Sasuke-kun. Even if _Naruto_ had to be there.

Naruto couldn't take it. He had had to endure..._that_ for absolutely no reason. What. The. Fuck. Was. Wrong. With. Kami. Today! Why, why couldn't Sasuke see that he wasn't that annoying dobe of four years ago? That they were equals, no matter how witty Sasuke was and he still wasn't? Couldn't Sasuke see that their friendly rivalry was being strained by his childish refusal to see how things had changed? They were chuunins, dammit!

With a wave and a ja, he took off for home to vent his frustrations...by yelling.

-

Yamanaka Ino, on the other hand, was blissful. The one, the only, Uchiha Sasuke had just walked past her family's flower shop, with Sakura right beside him. Practically hanging off his left arm, to be precise.

And you know what? He had done the most wonderful thing ever. It was...the most beautiful thing a girl could possibly see. He had called Sakura, it appeared, a big forehead and annoying. As in, both. None of that namby-pamby it makes me wanna kiss it crap. Piss off, pure and simple.

Instead of making a move on Sasuke as most fangirls would, however, she went back to tending the displays within the store. Ino was not stupid; she knew Sasuke was prickly, and if he went off on his ex-teammate, she didn't want to know what would happen to her. All she needed to know was that her biggest rival in the battle for Sasuke-kun's heart was out of the running. Sakura could go revive dead fish or something for all Ino cared.

-

Sasuke's scowl increased and he ambled away from the crestfallen cotton-candy head. He didn't understand why she was so surprised; he had made it perfectly clear when they were teammates that he wanted nothing to do with her outside of ninja duties. There was absolutely no reason for that to change the way she wanted it now. Sasuke's only responsibility was to protect a fellow ninja if he or she needed help, and he was no longer obligated to help her out for the sake of Kakashi-sensei's teamwork.

At present, he had no desire to begin a relationship. He was much to preoccupied with training for the jounin exams; he was already several years behind Itachi. Sasuke knew full well that he could die. He didn't intend to, of course, but if the high-level missions he planned to take on didn't kill or maim him, Itachi could. Itachi was a monster. But Sasuke would at the very least take Itachi out with him.

Besides, if he didn't die, he wouldn't take a ninja for a wife. Everyone knew that ninja babies had a high mortality rate, and Sasuke would need a healthy wife (or three) capable of bearing many children. Two or three babies would not revive the Uchiha clan.

Sasuke had a plan. He would marry, marry and take on mistresses. No one would mind; he was the precious Uchiha, the last. He would father many children, and he would stay at home to protect his family from anyone who would bring ruin to the Uchiha clan. Sasuke could do this; he would earn money from his current missions, and he had hardly tapped the resources of the vast dead clan, of _all _the Uchihas.

His plan would work. True, it was a foolish plan, for anyone else, but he compound Uchiha, _the _Uchiha, and nothing he did could go wrong.

Sasuke continued to walk away from Sakura and didn't look back.

He wandered about, where, exactly, he knew, but not what to call it. Not, home, certainly. The living place of the late Uchihas had ceased to be home to Sasuke the evening he had come home to find his parents dead on the floor, bathing in their own blood. Perhaps, abode would be more fitting. Or dwelling. No, habitat; the others sounded too affectionate.

Presently, he arrived at the Uchiha compound. That place that had once thrived, filled to the brim with a powerful, influential clan. Where everything possible, from wall hangings to furniture to body parts had been emblazoned with the proud colors of the red and white family uchiwa. But now the people were all gone away, to their new homes in the family plot, and the once vivid red had dulled and the pure white grayed.

Now, all Sasuke lived in were reds and grays. When he walked about, he could still see the crimson that painted the large area over the dull grays, like the corpses were still strewed about in a negligent manner, like they had been performing some macabre dance before they dropped to the ground, dead at the hands of Uchiha Itachi.

Sasuke observed the red on gray, gray on red as he traipsed through his family's blood, toward the manor, where he still resided.

He strode through the halls, in a memorized pattern to avoid the place of most horror, where the red still was, as crimson as the day it was spilt. He stayed well away from the places he never went, as a prodigy could never stray. Except for the prodigal son, who had, just once, and had never come back but one time, not to reconcile, but to seal the deed.

Sasuke came to a room, a room cloaked in gray. He stood in the doorway, and allowed the power, the strength that emanated from the walls, the bedsheets, to envelope him, to pressure his mind and remind him of the task he never forgot. Here, was absolute safety.

In this room, no one had died. In Itachi's room, no one could die.

-

Sakura stood on the street, her head hanging low.

It was over. All over.

Sasuke had, in a sense, disowned her. _"Why would I want to be with an annoying big-forehead weakling like you?" _ And why would he? She was only a pathetic medic-nin. As if Sasuke-kun would need her help. Oh, the shame. Sakura had lost her purpose in life: to measure up to Sasuke's standards. And if she hadn't even come close by now, she never would. No amount of Tsunade-sama's training would help.

And even as she thought it, her subconscious knew that the shame was a sham. By tomorrow, she would have convinced herself that the incident had all but never happened. Sasuke didn't mean the cruel words he had said to her; he was just stressed.

Stressed and misunderstood.

And why shouldn't he be? He had survived the Uchiha massacre, grown to adolescence pestered by those _other_ girls constantly, dealt with being on the same team as that annoying jerk and all the troubles that went along with it. Naruto had only been holding Sasuke back, and surely that had frustrated him.

But for right now, Sakura felt like she should cry. She didn't, ninja were taught not to reveal emotion, and she didn't have so little control that she would burst out sobbing in a public place.

Sakura stood with her head down for a few more moments, steeling herself for the sympathetic or triumphant stares sure to greet her. Until, that is, she heard humming.

Normally, one would expect humming to make someone happy, but Sakura...that was not her way. And, now, she was taking notice of where she was. Slowing turning her head, which was still hanging down, she came face-to-window with the Yamanaka flower shop.

And, one blonde pig working inside. The source of the humming.

The blonde bitch was innocently cleaning, picking up pots to clean away spilt dirt and sprucing the petals and leaves, rearranging the bouquets, humming all the while. But Sakura knew better.

Ino didn't particularly dislike working in her parents' shop, but she didn't like it enough to hum, either. She claimed that the aromas made her sneeze from time to time in the spring or when it was windy during the summer or early fall, but everyone knew she didn't really mean it.

Since giving up her status as an active kunoichi, Ino had dedicated her time to arranging various flowers, all sizes and colors. The rumors were that Ino had been satisfied with the results of the first chuunin exam, and she didn't feel that her skills were improving enough.

Well, it was about time that Ino realized Sakura was better.

"Are you fucking laughing at me, bitch!" Sakura's chakra-enforced feet made small craters in the ground. "Are you fucking _laughing?_" She slammed her palms into the large glass window of the display.

A shower of broken glass, stems and flower petals struck and sliced at Ino's fair skin. Or rather, it would have, provided Ino hadn't moved. As it was, she had still suffered numerous shallow cuts on her back.

"What the hell! You think you can fucking rob my store!" Ino stood up and a lavish amount of petals fluttered to the ground. And... "Big-forehead? What are you doing trashing my shop?" She leaned back, hands on her hips, and laughed. "You don't really think you won't have to pay for this, do you?"

Sakura growled and her shoulders shook. "Stop...laughing...at...ME!"

"Uh?" Ino's arms dropped to her sides and her face gained a confused expression. _Crap...did she hear me?_

"YOU BITCH!" Sakura charged forward and swung her fist blindly at Ino. "YOU CAN'T HAVE SASUKE-KUN!" The punch grazed Ino's cheek as she dropped to the side.

"Sakura!" _Stop that!_

Ino, on her backside, began to move her legs and propel herself backwards.

"URRAAAA!-" Sakura stopped and stumbled, her assault finished. She fell to the ground, inches from Ino's feet.

"Ino, you can't even watch the shop for a few hours without getting in trouble?" Ino's mother and father stood in front of the broken window, the former with her arm still positioned to knock the Haruno out.

"Eh he he..." Sheepishly, Ino patted the back of her head to remove any stray plant parts. She only cut her hand on a shard of the window.

To be continued.

My other fic is on hiatus, for now. You know why? Because I didn't get enough reviews. But since so many of you had been rooting for a het fic, I expect better results. Not because I'm pissy but because you love me. Kapeesh?

If you have questions, ask in a review.


	2. Fish are Good for Your Brain

1WHY? WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

Arrh! This chapter got part of it deleted too!MWWWAAAAHHHH! IT WAS SEVEN PAGES! FOUR ARE GOOOOOONNNNE!

Well, not for you, I retyped what I remembered. But it was better before. Sorry.

Fwee! This story is in a C2! Yay! But wait...is it run by homophobes? I will not abide this!

Meteorain: You get a cookie for being my first reviewer. And a cookie with lots of giant chocolate chips at that, for not judging my fic quite yet but giving me your opinion.

The Spore Whore: Heehee. Love your username. Thanks for the compliments, and I'm waiting for an update on Laugher Is The Best Medicine...Can't remember if I reviewed it or not, funny, seeing as I'm always clamoring for them...

Sagitta no Tom: What exactly are you sympathetic about? I can think of a number of things...several of them embarrassing...blushes in shame And I don't blame you for thinking the title is lame. It is. I had typed the first chapter and wanted to post it right away so I made up a bullshit title for it. **If anyone wants a new title, tell me your idea in a review. Because, seriously, this one sucks major ass.**

Warning: blatant use of english and japanese together. I use both mother and kaa-san, and father and otou-san. And some other simple words.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto-san or his little friends. No matter how hot they are. Poo.

Chapter 2: Fish Are Good For Your Brain

"Now, Ino-kun, tell me why Sakura-san went berserk on our shop window." Ino's kaa-san gently prodded. Her otou-san stood behind his wife, nodding patiently and acting supportive in general. But not speaking; speaking was not the place of the husband on such matters.

"...I don't know, kaa-san." Ino kept her face stoically composed. Because, in truth, she wasn't completely sure. She understood that Sakura had been upset at whatever Sasuke had said to her, and even more so at Ino's inexplicable happiness, but Ino did not understand _why_, exactly.

Why did Sakura value Sasuke most? Why did...why did...why had Ino helped her from the bullies, to gain confidence, to discover her beauty? Why had Ino chosen a deluded freak for a best friend? Why was Ino, who had supported Sakura in every way, not important enough when compared with Sasuke, who only threw insults and shuriken at his admirers?

Ino had been perfectly willing to battle out the rights for Sasuke's heart as friends. But why hadn't Sakura? Perhaps, Sakura had decided to be in it till the death, and friends had no space in her world, which was only for her and Sasuke.

"Are you sure? Ino?" That patient voice again.

"Well, I-I think she said something about laughing. She had been walking with Sasuke before." Ino would not abide Sakura's foolish behavior anymore. She wasn't stupid, she wouldn't fight. Passive resistance. Like she would stand a chance against Sakura in a fair fight now, anyway.

Ino's mother sighed. That would be it, of course. Uchiha Sasuke-san was the village's most eligible bachelor, a powerful ninja, and exceedingly handsome, but he was inadvertently, a troublemaker. If only he wasn't so pretty, there would be less competition amongst the younger kunoichi, her daughter and her once-best-friend included. She could only thank kami-sama that Ino had given up on gaining the young Uchiha's affections through violence.

"Uuh. You should be more careful around her, Ino-kun. You know how volatile she can be." With that, Ino's mother set off towards the shop to begin repairs.

"Ino-chan, we should go, too. We wouldn't want Sakura-san to wake up and find us outside her house," Ino's father winked conspiratorially.(They've been outside the Haruno residence, by the way.)

"Hai, tou-san."

"Howabout getting some ramen?" That conspiratorial look again.

"Tou-san! I can't, it's not on my diet!" Ino cried, scandalized.

"Sushi, then?"

Maybe. A recent article in the newspaper said fish is good for your brain.

-

It was a blurry sight that Sakura opened her eyes to. A blurry, blurry sight. Why were all the colors so blurry?

"It might help if you opened your eyes all the way, dear." Ah, one of the blurs was moving its mouth. Wait, the blur wasn't really a blur at all; it was Sakura's kaa-san.

"Unuu. Kaa-san, how did I get here-" Sakura chose not to finish her thought and blushed. She remembered what she had done before she had blanked out. And if she was home, then it was likely that her mother knew as well.

"You don't remember? Well, Yamanaka-san and her husband brought you here. Unconscious. Do you remember why?" Ooh, the expectant, but not judgmental voice; the bane of all teenagers.

"Aaah..." Sakura wasn't quite prepared to say it herself.

"You wrecked their store. Broke their window and destroyed many displays as well as a goodly amount of their stock. And apparently they found you about to demolish their daughter. Sounds right, ne?" The voice was getting a little more forceful every time.

"H-hai." Sakura admitted meekly.

"And you know what? They aren't even going to press charges. They are going to pay all the damages themselves. They even carried you home after bandaging _your _self-inflicted injuries." Sakura's mother enunciated every word, saturated them with particular meaning.

"I'm sorry, kaa-san. I must have lost control." Every word Sakura said, however, did not. She was not sorry, she did not lose control. She was the smartest in her class, everything she did nowadays was deliberate.

"Yes, well–!" Haruno-san began, until she noticed.

Sakura's vision was getting hazy. She was dizzy, she felt sick, she leaned back into the pillows.

"_Sakura, Sakura!" _resonated through her ears, reverberating on her eardrums.

"_Don't fall asleep, Sakura!" _the voice, the blurry woman leaning over her.

"Bitch..." Sakura said, quietly, muttered, no one should be able to hear it, the insult was said so quietly. Her eyes began to close.

The pink eyelashes rimming the mint-green irises imposed on her vision.

She didn't see the shocked and offended expression coating her mother's face liberally, like the makeup on an elderly prostitute. So appalling.

-

"Sakura was hurt?" Kakashi asked, his voice full of concern for his former student.

"Oh, not really, just some lacerations on her upper arm and maybe a bruise, hiihiihiihii," Yamanaka-san (the elder female counterpart) giggled giddily.

"I should...check up on her..." Kakashi said thoughtfully. A pity, he would have to break off his date with cute-cashier-chan. She wouldn't really mind, though, he thought. Any girl cheap enough to accept a date with a guy who bought porno from her regularly couldn't have very high standards.

"Oh, but won't you stay for some tea, Kakashi-kun? You work so hard and," Yamanaka-san frantically cast about for some excuse. Her husband, in the corner patching the broken window with plastic, raised his eyebrow at the suffix.

Of course, Kakashi had been the Uchiha Sasuke of his generation. Even the elder women, such as Ino Yamanaka's mother, had giggled over his handsome appearance. Until he had taken to wearing a mask, that is. Then, women of all ages had decided to swoon over his looks and his prodigious skills as a ninja. Why, they had all dreamed of marrying him!

In fact, Yamanaka-san was entertaining the thought that...Ino could carry out her dream of marriage to Hatake Kakashi. It wasn't strange, a mother wanting her daughter to carry out her dream from her glory days; and the age difference wasn't so much. It was only sixteen years! In the more prominent clans, people were married to their relatives and to individuals old enough to be their grandparents!

"Maybe some other time, Yamanaka-san," ...No!

"Bu-but, Kakashi-kun, can't you just," She stuttered

"...No," Kakashi sighed, "I appreciate the offer, Yamanaka-san, but I really must be going. I have...previous engagements in addition to checking up on my student." He heaved another sigh. He only had three students, after all.

"I...might stop by some other time, then. When I need flowers. Ja!" He ducked out a corner of the window that hadn't been sealed with plastic as of yet.

Sometimes, a mother's dreams just weren't meant to come true.

-

Some hours later after his initial outburst, Naruto was still simmering. Not that he wasn't, always. People had a funny way of mistaking an inordinate amount of cheerfulness with offense. Particularly when it was their fault.

Naruto decided that he was hungry. He hadn't eaten since breakfast, as he hadn't stopped for lunch after running home. It was nearing eight o'clock. It had taken him several hours to calm down enough to contemplate eating. Rather pathetic, if you asked him. Sasuke never got that angry.

He strode into the kitchen, still slightly angry. So it was with anger that he took out several packs of ramen, and ripped them open. With anger that he took an enormous measuring cup (more like a bowl) and poured the appropriate amount of water in, and heated it up for several minutes. It was with anger that he dumped the contents of the foam cups into a oversized mixing bowl, and poured the water in when it was done.

Still stirring the steaming mass, Naruto trekked the ten steps to the loveseat positioned in front of his TV. He plopped down, and fancied himself a couch potato. Maybe he should quit the whole ninja business; the village didn't want him getting any stronger than he already was, and the idea of the mountains of paperwork that went along with his dream of Hokage wasn't so appealing either.

He could just stay at home with his stuff, the stuff he loved. His tattered scrolls, his faded couch, his out-of-date television set, his almost faulty refrigerator.

Naruto loved these worthless things. It was because they were worthless that he loved them.

No one would try to take them from him.

They were some of the clutter that hadn't been taken from him as the victim of cruel pranks or maliciousness.

"Maybe I should take Iruka-sensei out for ramen," Naruto said aloud, randomly. Completely off topic, ridiculously so. But he should anyway, he needed to get out more. He had already spent too long brooding over why Sasuke was so well liked, and he was starting to pick up characteristics of the jerk.

Iruka-sensei gave up so much for Naruto, constantly taking him out and spending time with him, even giving up his reputation at large to help him grow up properly.

So sad that it hadn't really worked.

Naruto was still loud, annoying, sloppy, whiny, and depressed. Luckily, Iruka-sensei had immunized himself to those qualities, so he could imagine them away. Or he'dve had a hissy fit.

Naruto picked up the remote (luckily the batteries weren't dead), and turned on a soap opera. No man was complete without his stories. (Hah, bet you'd forgotten that he was sitting in front of his TV!)

_Aw man, brat, I thought you would've picked something good, y'know, really goooood. _ The demon fox complained.

Naruto didn't know _why_ the Kyuubi had gained the sudden ability to complain to him, but he brushed it off as a figment of his imagination. Kami, didn't his imagination know that he didn't order those kinds of channels?

He heaved up the gargantuan bowl of ramen and poured a liberal amount into his gaping mouth. Some broth dribbled down his chin and onto the white tee he wore under his customary jacket. Then, Naruto let out a truly fantastic belch.

_Eeew, groooooss._

Fuck you, imagination. Naruto thought. Then he thought about what he wanted to do. What had he to do? Training? What for? And no missions would be assigned to him for awhile. He had no real friends, and couldn't burden Iruka-sensei with his constant, clinging presence.

Naruto decided after a bit that he would sleep. Teenagers needed lots of sleep, and asleep was when he was happiest.

-

dream sequence for those of you who are dumbasses

_Naruto sat by his window, looking out at the forest where the twilight just barely left enough sunlight to see by. He scratched at the screen with a fingernail, imagined that he could call the forest animals to him, so he would be special. _

_And they came, they came out of the forest, and Naruto was shocked because he had not really thought they would come, but they did, a dozen of them, a baker's dozen. The slunk up to the wall of the building, mewling and calling to Naruto._

_Naruto dreaded them, in the pit of his stomach, like he knew they wanted to do something to him, something he would not like, something that made his skin itch and crawl. Like they wanted to breed, breed with him, out of him, through him, and Naruto didn't want that._

_Naruto turned away from the window, nervously, hopefully inconspicuously, and ducked down so the foxes couldn't see him anymore. They couldn't follow him around from the outside, looking through the windows and screen doors, couldn't get in and do _that_ to him. _

_Crouching, Naruto began to run through his crowded house, because everyone he knew, friends and family were there. A party. _

_Running, running, running, Naruto was running down a hall in his home. In his dream, his apartment had changed to include parts of the complex in which he lived. In his dreams, the staircases were narrower, and he was in constant danger of falling when he ran up them because they were lower as well. His feet stuck to the floors._

_Kakashi-otou-san, don't drink that, you'll get alcohol poisoning! Naruto raced up the stairs to where Kakashi, his father, was drinking a non-alcoholic beverage. Beer, maybe. Ninth bottle. Or six. Six six six. Don't drink that! _

_Iruka-kaa-san, don't let him, he'll die, he'll die, don't you care, why are you letting him do that, why oh why oh why?_

_Outside, the plethora of foxes prowled around the house, their eyes gleaming with lust._

_Naruto spun around, and swung around the banister, to do something, he knew he had to do it. He came back to a staircase, similar to the one from before, wooden planking with a carved banister of the same dark wood as the low slung narrow steps. Sasuke was sitting on them, a few stairs from the top, and Naruto needed to get up them, move Sasuke, move._

_No, dobe, dove, love, I won't move, you'll have to get around me. Sasuke reached out his arms as if to embrace Naruto and Naruto tried to rear back, but felt himself toppling forward, out of his control. His feet and legs were sluggish as he tried to twist out of the way, but it was useless._

_All Naruto's ministrations earned him was an awkward fall, he crashed into Sasuke's lap, falling on his shoulder and facing the wall, falling off of Sasuke's lap._

_Ha, ha, Naruto. You fell, you fell, what else would I expect. Sasuke laughed and whispered in Naruto's ear, which turned red, so tomatoey red that it burned. _

_Yatta! He pushed himself up and stumbled around Sasuke, up the stairs. They plateaued and Naruto tripped on the last step, nearly falling flat on his face but for his arms which struggled to hold him partially upright. He was weak, he wasn't strong, he acknowledged without remorse._

_Asuma, holding a bottle of beer, saluted the fallen boy. A number of other lumber-jack like ninja milled about in no formation, socializing and getting in the way._

_Sakura giggled while curled up in a corner with Ino and Hinata while Rock Lee pranced in a semi-circle to serenade them._

_Naruto stumbled to his feet, across the room, the wooden room. This place, his home, when had it become so like cottage in the woods? When had it gained balcony with steps running down to the ground?_

_He wandered out onto that balcony, planked and boarded over like everything else. He could hear the distant murmur of deep pleasant chatter through the glass doors. _

_Orochimaru laughed, and the foxes howled. _

_Naruto began to run, taking the low steps downward three at a time, leaping and jumping in his earnest to escape. He reached the ground and ran and ran and ran, across a clearing in the twilight away from the woods with cool autumn air caressing his cheeks until he was running uphill, steeply uphill on a sidewalk. It was the early morning hours, everything was gray but it still seemed as warm as it had been in the wooden house._

_Some feet away at a café along the strip of shops on the hill that Naruto had been running up, Kakashi took a final swig of his non-alcoholic-beer and collapsed out of his chair. His neck was swollen, like it would burst._

_Naruto rushed up to him, feet sticking and legs stumbling. Does anyone have a phone? Call a doctor! Help him, help him! _

_He grabbed the older man by the armpits, began to drag him out of the café, down the hill and on the sidewalk. Everyone stared, they looked and stared impassively but sympathetically in that way that makes you sick._

_Can't you see he's got alcohol poisoning? Don't just stare! Frantic, frantic!_

_But we're only an exhibit. Only to be stared at, so why not?_

_Naruto frantically heaved and tugged at Kakashi-otou-san, moved him a few more feet, like he did when he was rearranging his furniture in his room and the dresser was too heavy to move all at once._

_Iruka-kaa-san! Help, call the hospital! Why won't you help? Teary eyes that don't understand, can't comprehend. Anger._

_He cheated, Naruto, there is no room for cheaters here. Iruka glared, out of character, as if he had one to begin with, why would he do that? Didn't he know that the whole point was to cheat, that was the only way to win? _

_Irukairukairukairukairuka._

_Kakashi hacked up phlegm and died. His head lolled back._

_Naruto woke up and the foxes howled. _

-

In the darkness of the wishing hour, Naruto's eyes snapped open. The lights from the old television flashed, but he didn't know why, the volume was turned down.

Naruto rolled onto his side and fell off the couch onto his hands and knees, and the mixing bowl clattered to the ground on the wooden floors and threadbare rugs. A dribble of leftover broth dripped onto the floor.

"What...was that?" Naruto gasped. He was still fearful of those foxes, those lustful demon foxes, but he understood his fear now that he could think about it. It was not the foxes, or what they had wanted to do to him, or what Sasuke had been like in his dream or anything else that he was afraid of. It was the consequences. Would the consequences of his being alive be a bloody murder by the villagers?

He looked at the clock on the VCR, three o'clock a.m.

Naruto's eyes hardened, and in the darkness glowed red. "They won't kill me. Those damn villagers won't get me."

He stood with his muscles tensed, his arms at his sides. No time like the present; he would go to the forest. Go to the edge of Konohagakure and train.

All that Naruto did before he left was to change his ratty clothes and gather his weapons. After he left, a tiny brown mouse scavenged the remains of his dinner that was still laying on the floor where it had fallen.

-

(Six o'clock p.m., before Naruto's scene happens)

It was, yet again, blurry when Sakura awoke. And, again, there were blurry shapes hovering above her. But, they were different from last time.

"Oh most lovely Sakura-chan, are you alright?" Lee cried, his round eyes filling up with unshed tears, his lower eyelashes standing out more prominently than ever. "Did Sasuke hurt you? Are you injured? I shall, from now on, protect your youthful beauty! If I do not, I will hop around the village perimeter ten times on my tongue!" His hands fisted, his body full of vigor.

"Ahm. That's alright, Lee, you don't have to do that..."

"Sakura..."

"Yah! Kakashi-sensei! What are you doing here?" Sakura jumped; she hadn't noticed her former teacher.

"..." Kakashi sweated. Wasn't it obvious? "Just checking up on my student, baka."

"Oh." Sakura said. She felt rather foolish, of course her sensei would be concerned. Kakashi was clingy like that.

"Are you alright?" he asked. He obviously wanted to know what happened.

"Oh, I'm fine, just lost my temper a little bit, not even hurt. Ha, ha," Sakura fluttered her hands. These two...weirdos...by her bed... She would be more upset if she didn't know they were only concerned for her. Even if one was a creepy-loving way and one was parental.

The door opened and Haruno-san stuck her head in. "Hatake-san, Rock-san, I have some tea for you–" She cut herself off when she saw her daughter, awake. She curtly set the tray down and left. (AN: Rock-san. Sounds weeeird.)

Sakura blinked once, blinked twice. For all her intellect she could not fathom why her mother was so warm to their guests but so cold to her daughter.

-

In the kitchen of the Yamanaka household, Ino felt her brain get ripped out of her skull. Quite brutally, too.

"Ino-kuuuun." Ino's mother sang. Uh-oh. Bad things always happened when her mother was singing. Really, horribly, bad things.

"Yes, kaa-san?" Ino cautiously asked. In these cases, it was best to say as little as possible so that she wouldn't get stuck with some obligation.

"You know, I was thinking..." Crap. Thinking was baaaaad. "Since you're not a kunoichi anymore, you need someone to protect you."

"What's your point, kaa-san." Warning bells were going off in Ino's head. Hell, all over her body, like a belly dancer.

"I think you should get a boyfriend. Preferably Hatake Kakashi-kun."

"...heh. Umm, kaa-san. I don't want a boyfriend. I'm saving myself for Uchiha-san." Ino completely bypassed the second part of her mother's statement. Until she doubled back.

"WHAT! Hatake-Hatake-san is _way _too old for me! I'm not giving up Sasuke for an old geezer!" Ino shrieked. How utterly appalling that her mother thought she would consider that!

"Ino, don't foolish. You're only young once and anyone with half a brain can see that all that Uchiha boy has going for him is looks. Besides, I know myself that Kakashi-kun is just as handsome as that boy anyway, beneath his mask." Yamanaka-san scolded.

"Bu-but-but..." Ino stuttered. How could she compete with that? Sasuke did have the personality of a snow pea.

"Just think on it for a bit. You'll see that I'm right." The older woman smiled gently and patted Ino on the back.

Behind his newspaper, Ino's otou-san snorted, a habit he had come to embrace after years of living with his wife. That woman was so conniving that their conniving little daughter couldn't figure it out.

-

Sasuke wrenched his eyes open. Well, perhaps not wrenched; wrenched implied effort, a thing not employed by Sasuke when he opened his eyes. Rather, they drifted open quickly, more of a snap.

He found himself laying on Itachi's bed again, a habit he had tried to break at first but now accepted, even encouraged. Sasuke imagined that he was Itachi, the prodigy, the strongest. Then he imagined dying. So that Itachi would die, feel that Sasuke-ototo wanted him to die. Those cursed Mangekyou Sharingan would burn and dry and wither so Sasuke could laugh at the helpless Itachi.

Laugh while he stood over him, laugh while Itachi was blind and his empty eye sockets bled and bled and bled.

So that Sasuke could get over Itachi.

Sasuke felt himself growing ever closer to Itachi's level, every minute he spent in Itachi's room was spent analyzing how Itachi thought, absorbing his brutal brilliance, the power radiating from every object enveloping him. Soaking in, so it could never get away. Never.

He looked out the window, where the sun shone in blood red. But not the crimson of the fluid that soaked the grounds where Sasuke lived. This red was different, deeper, redder, angrier. Had this driven Itachi mad in his quest for power?

No matter. Sasuke decided that he was hungry. At present the inner workings of Itachi's mind were inconsequential. Sasuke needed to plan, to stake out potential candidates to continue the Uchiha line.

The woman couldn't be a kunoichi. The muscles that every ninja possessed were not an ideal place to grow a baby, Sasuke thought as he traveled to the kitchen. He passed a particularly large splattered on the ground. And walls. All-encompassing.

He continued in his mind: Who, who? Who did he know that could possibly carry out this mission? A person who kept quiet, a healthy girl. Who did Sasuke know that wasn't a ninja?

The only people he associated with were ninja, the only women he knew were kunoichis, either from the genin academy or from missions.

He arrived at the kitchen. Walked over to the cupboard. Then the refrigerator. And surveyed the counters.

It appeared that Sasuke would have to go shopping soon.

Instead, he hauled out the large phonebook. The one that was slightly outdated. By eight years.

Dialing a number on the old (but not extremely old) telephone, Sasuke mulled over his options. Did he want chicken, or beef?

When the phone was picked up, Sasuke immediately ordered curry. And promptly after that, demanded that the person who delivered it be a male. And hung up.

The person on the other end of the line sighed. When would the young Uchiha-sama realize that this was not an order-out restaurant? He turned to another employee at the accounting firm.

"Call Little Prince's Curry and set an order for Sasuke Uchiha. The usual." The associate sighed exasperatedly.

"He really needs to get a new phone book. And to stop ordering out so much. He's gonna get fat."

Back in the kitchen, Sasuke wondered why the delivery people weren't afraid to come to the Uchiha compound, with the red stains not faded by age.

The answer was this; the stains had not faded, as they had never been there. Uchiha Itachi was not so careless as to leave evidence to the murders for Sasuke to steel himself with.

And Sasuke, the red room didn't drive Itachi mad. It won't drive you to insane power either.

Your obsession will.

-

three thirty a.m. wishing hour, in the forest.

Naruto grinned and another tree shattered. If he kept this up, someone, a jounin on his rounds, perhaps, was bound to notice. Certainly in the morning questions would be asked about the brand new clearing.

He would need to move his escapades to a different location. No one could know that he suspected them.

Naruto would go searching tomorrow night.

To Be Continued

Woot. Done the second chapter. Just as warning, I won't be sticking to a chapter-a-week schedule. It might take a week for me to finish a chapter, it might take less. Actually, next chapter might be a while because I'm having a party for my grandparents this weekend and my sisters, one of their boyfriends, and two of my cousins are gonna be here for the entire weekend.

Waah, that means I won't be able to watch my lousy dub anime on Saturday because it bothers me to have other people around when I watch it!

To make me feel better, gimme a review!


	3. Monsters in the Forest

1

Well, I made this chapter kind of short. For me, anyway. Or maybe it's average. But I might keep the chapters short, if only to make the plot easier to manage. Oh, btw, I don't remember if I ever mentioned the season in previous chapters (I looked, but I didn't find anything) but if I did, and I didn't say it was fall, oopsies. I think I did make it fall, but I don't remember, and it's going to be fall now. Fall is my favorite season. Autumnal!

Sagitta no Tom: You get a cookie castle for being my first reviewer last chapter! Ooh, you speak french? I wanted to learn that but I got stuck with spanish because the people who ran my middle school were wankers. (Teehee) About the 'sympathy' thing. Unless you were trying to say that my story sucks, maybe you did use the wrong word. You don't mean that this story sucks, do you? Did you mean that it's sad? I myself find that the way I make a lot of the characters kind of crazy depressing.

Metorain: YYYESS! Woot! Constructive Criticism! Yay! does jumping jacks You know, I always think that my stories go slow, but I can't really tell because there's always at least a week in between. Besides, this is only chapter three. The story will start to pick up by chapter four though, I promise. Prrrrrooooooommiiiiiissse.

Achalon: Shishishishishi. blushes Why thank you, I'm a bit crazy myself, hahaha!

Dimitri of the DIW: Yay! My fic is interesting! You get the Maito Gai Badge of Coolness! Wow, your penname confuses me. I looked on your profile, and I sort of get it. But. I'm not that smart so I won't make my brain hurt anymore.

JohnnyG: Thankies! I hope you like what I have planned! Btw, you're a really good artist!

Disclaimer: The day I own Naruto is the day I died and went to heaven. Just kidding, I don't really want to have to be the person who does all that drawing and paperwork. I'd rather fantasize about how awesome it would be to be a Naruto character. Wowie, I just figured out where those people who write really bad self-inserts get their ideas!

Chapter 3: Monsters in the Forest

Ba-da-da-da-da-dadum.

Naruto woke for the second time. Instead of yawning, as one would expect, he lay still with his eyes still closed, a satisfied smile adorning his lips, curling them like a satisfied kitten. Or maybe that was just the whisker marks.

He heard a bird twittering outside his window and opened his eyes to glare. He really hated birds, and had no idea why people found their 'song' so amusing. It clearly wasn't. It sounded just like Sasuke-teme's voice and his stupid chidori. Chi-chi-chi-chi-chi. DO-RI!

It was nearly noon by now. Naruto had trained until four thirty earlier this morning, at the risk of being discovered by some early-rising jounin. Maito Gai had come dangerously close in Naruto's estimation, but no matter, as the eccentric jounin only encouraged training. He wouldn't mention Naruto's escapades to anyone dangerous even if he had noticed.

Chi-chi-chi!

-

"Sasuke"

The brunette stiffened imperceptibly. He stood in silence, like he hadn't noticed.

"Last time I checked, you weren't deaf, Sasuke, and your Sharingan hasn't caused you to go blind yet, either. I know you know I'm here." Kakashi reprimanded, though it wouldn't be obvious to one who didn't know him.

"Hn. You're right. Sensei." Sasuke twisted his neck to face his jounin instructor and smirked.

"I know what you're thinking." Flat. Blatant.

"Really."

"Itachi Itachi Itachi. That's what you think about, every day, every second, even when you sleep. Isn't he." Kakashi's accusing voice ground into Sasuke's skull.

"..."

"You want power."

"So." Sasuke was feeling like the victim of twenty questions. Only they weren't really questions at all.

"Orochimaru doesn't have it. You've been thinking about him, too, haven't you." Ok. Not only _not _questions; blazing conspicuous _assumptions._

Sasuke was silent again. _Where...the hell did he come up with **that.** _

"You're allowed to talk too, you know, Sasuke."

"Ok, then, Kakashi-sensei." Sasuke deigned to clear his throat. "Why _do _you think that..." he contemplated. "That I would consider Orochimaru?"

"You tell me, Sasuke." Dammit! When did that good-for-nothing sensei gain his fucking parental personality? Where did he get off having one in the first place!

"Perhaps," He began sarcastically, "perhaps it's because he's a creepy freak who _licks_ me. Or it may be the fact that he wants to take over my body. But I think the _real _selling point would be that Orochimaru is weaker than Itachi. Yea, that must be it, Kakashi no baka." Sasuke finished scathingly. He wanted to...uncharacteristically, smack the back of his former sensei's annoying head.

"Oh. Heh, heh, hadn't thought of that..." Kakashi chuckled nervously. _Oh for the fucking love of kami-sama why didn't I consider those. Arh! Stupidstupidstupid! _

"Un..." Sasuke half growled, half grunted his discontent.

"Soooo...wanna go out for some lunch, Sasuke?" Nervous nervous nervous, Kakashi-sensei. Don't you know that wild animals can smell nervousness?

Kakashi was reminded of his favorite song. So he started to hum it to himself, sing the lyrics in his head. _You and me baby ain't nothin but mammals so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel..._

This time, Sasuke growled for real, and took a menacing step towards Kakashi. "Rrrr!"

"Haha, I just remembered, I'm late, for a very important date!" Kakashi slapped his hands in a seal and poofed away.

And wondered, maybe that cashier from the other day would be willing to go out to lunch with him.

-

Sakura walked down the hallway from her room, ready to forage for lunch. That morning, she had gone downstairs for breakfast, and found her mother already their, preparing a meal for her husband.

She had greeted both parents with her usual cheer, but only received half the response. Her mother, it appeared, was still giving her the cold shoulder. Over what exactly, she knew not.

Hopefully by now at least, her mother would be gone to shop for tonight's dinner. It would be safe to enter the kitchen, free of awkward-ness.

It was to silence that the pink-haired not-wonder stepped onto the cool kitchen floor. No one was home now, she was sure of it. Sakura padded over to the fridge and pulled out an assortment of healthy foods. Carbohydrates, in case she got a mission right away. She would be heading over to the mission office right after she ate.

Carefully choosing the less fatty of the bunch (she wouldn't want to get fat), she prepared her quick meal and elegantly spooned it into her mouth. Until what had remained was gone.

Sakura walked to the door after cleaning up her mess, as if there had been one, and pulled on her ninja sandals. She was looking forward to whatever Tsunade-sensei had planned for her!

Three hours later, Sakura decided that she hated her beautiful role model. She flinched when a grubby hand yanked on a short pink lock of hair. "Quit it, brat!" she grunted. Honestly, grunted. A lady such as herself grunted.

And her loathing of the current Hokage soared, soared like a bird, an eagle, a hawk.

"Sa-ku-ra-san!" One child weedled. "Stop being a poopie-head!" Poopie-head, indeed.

"What did you call me, brat?" Sakura clenched her fist and bared it at the offending child.

"Poopie-head!"

"Sakura-san is a meanie!"

"Meanie, meanie!" the others mimicked.

Several veins stood out prominently on Sakura's large forehead. They throbbed, like they would burst. "Rwooar!" her patience snapped, and she roared like a dinosaur, advancing on the insulting culprits.

The children cowered in the shadow of the fearsome beast. It was hovering, towering, salivating like it would eat them, bogeyman.

It hadn't even noticed the gum in its hair yet. (It is referring to the pink-headed beast, Sakura-poopie-head)

-

Ino was out walking, a habit she had adopted since her mother had adopted the fantasy in which her daughter married her own crush. At present, it was dusk, after dinner. Dinner with her parents. Dinner with her mother.

Any time spent in the house was frustrating or hellish. A mother's pestering was only tolerable for so long, until the prompting became unbearable. That her mother was suggesting cereal tasted better when married to an older man was simply preposterous.

And Ino was beginning to become afraid. Her mother very well might force her into an arranged marriage. Her father certainly wasn't doing anything about the situation. Konoha had no laws enforcing free will when it came to marriage; Ino would have no say.

All her mother had to do was get Kakashi-san to agree. Then it would be over for Ino. Marrying a gray-haired fuddy-duddy, no matter how handsome or rich he was, was not Ino's idea of a cup of tea–ow.

Lost in thought, Ino had walked into a tree. A big one, with scratchy bark that had already turned her cheek and forehead an unsightly red, as Ino surveyed the damage through a compact mirror.

Good–good thing she was in the forest. No one would see this. Her eyes welled up with tears. The pressure, it was too much, toomuchtoomuchtoomuch it weighed on her mind her skull the back of her head pressing till she thought she would faint.

Ino looked in the compact again. And promptly burst into tears. The scrape, the scratches, they were swelling into white welts above the skin. Perfect, perfect, perfect. She leaned against the tree that had started her off, her back to it, and slid down.

All she achieved was a splinter in her arm. Ino began to laugh hysterically and re-stood abruptly. And her laughter was punctuated by hiccups; her skirt was covered in dirt and grass stains. Her new, white skirt. Pure snow white tainted by dirty grass and bark and soil. Soiled.

Ino tilted her head back against the tree trunk, exposing her throat. The top of her head ached from being pressed so hard against the wood, but she didn't move. She stood still like that for several moments, tears still streaming down her cheeks and throat and chest occasionally. Ino idly thought that they tickled, and she hated herself for crying when she wasn't supposed to, she was a (used to be) shinobi. She kept giggling throughout the whole ordeal of listing everything about herself and her life that she loathed, wished could be better.

_My cowlick, _

_ugly welts I have the worst luck_

_my mom my parents_

_my hair my eyes_

_my clothes who I am_

_the way I grew up _

_the way I act_

_how I can't get anyone to notice me for me memememe_

_why doesn't anyone like me?_

_They all lied, they don't they only pretended_

_Sasuke doesn't love me he doesn't love anyone so why do I want to love him_

_bandwagon I hate that _

Ino hiccuped and stopped laughing, and thinking how childish her complaints were. She focused her eyes on the orange autumn light reflecting through the leaves of the tree. She played through her tears, focusing, unfocusing, in out, in out.

She eventually heard a noise. It didn't come suddenly, quite the contrary, it got louder gradually, but not too loud, if Ino hadn't been entirely silent in her thoughts she wouldn't have heard it.

_Thump. Thud. Crash. _(Snap crackle pop)

Banging, what was it?

Dull roar, like a dinosaur, a demon, a monster. Coming closer, ever closer.

_What, what is it?_

_There are demons in the forest, therearethereare, they weren't just stories to make the children behave–_

_Help, Help!_

_Don't scream, Ino, don't scream!_

_Shinobi never reveal their emotions!_

"Aiiiiiiieeee!"Ino crashed through the forest. Branches, brambles, briars, scratched at her feet, her ankles, her calves. A thorn tore at her skirt, now there was a hole. Right down the left side. Deeper and deeper into the forest she ran, until her softened body could run no more.

No more crashes, no more booms. All she could hear was the dim sound of nature.

"Unuuue," Ino whimpered and leaned against a tree. Her hands scraped against the harsh bark, but she didn't care; even if the in the frigid air the scrapes would burn and dry out her skin.

Shivering, she pressed her whole weight against it, her clothes catching on the barkas she slowly slid down to kneel on the ground.

_why, why was she weak, she had to quit, quit, quit, she couldn't do it..._

Some dried leaves rustled high in the trees, and the wind whistled though the navy blue sky. A perfect night for spooks.

_Like the one from before._

_Coward, coward girl, girly-girly._

Ino brought her knees up to her chest, keeping one arm and shoulder braced against the sturdy tree. She felt dizzy, nauseous, and pressed her forehead to her knees, chin to chest, the other arm wrapped securely around her folded legs.

"Uuwaaa...," No matter what, she couldn't stop herself from whimpering. If she did that, she wouldn't know she was there, no one would care, she needed to reassure herself of it. How perverse, to reassure yourself that you exist when you most likely don't.

Squinching her eyes together, Ino compressed her body further.

"Ino-san."

"Uu...ne?" Ino twitched. She...recognized that voice.

Leaves whispered in the treetops.

Sasuke...Sasuke was here.

It didn't occur to Ino to ask why Sasuke was there. He just was. Training, probably.

"Ehn, umm," Ino stuttered and blushed, uncomfortably aware of her appearance. Scratches on her face and arms, dirtied, soiled and ripped clothes, her eyes puffy and nose running. "S-sas-ke."

"-san," she added as an afterthought. She ducked her face down. She could, at least, retain some semblance of dignity...

Her face shifted back when a hand was stuck in front of it. In that insensitive way Sasuke had. That way he had always been, only more sincere than his child self had.

"Ahhn," Ino hesitated and took the proffered hand. It was warm, not icy like Sasuke's heart. She looked shyly up, to see that she was doing right, interpreting his actions correctly. Coal black eyes stared down at her, and looked away roughly. He was proud, after all. This was what Sasuke could do, at first.

Ino could feel her heart melting. He was...like a little boy. Bashful, unsure. Gripping the rip in her skirt, Ino stood. It felt so picturesque, Sasuke rescuing her like this, in the nighttime. She couldn't hear it pounding away at the forest anymore.

Blushing, Ino followed behind Sasuke, her hand still clasped in his. Sasuke led, because he always knew where to go.

Ino wasn't a shinobi.

-

Far away, where Ino and Sasuke couldn't hear, Naruto pounded away at the trees, making his way to his new abode. A manic grin adorned his face. Soon, soon, Konoha, you won't be able to get me!

To be continued.

Did anyone notice the title? Monster_S_? As in more than one? Who do you think are the monsters?

Oh, would you look at that! A plot appears! I'll have to change the summary a little bit, then! Sooner or later...

Remember, this fanfic is not KakashixIno, or SasukexIno. Actually, I've never seen a SasukexIno, but then again, I've never looked...

Anyway, review! Am I getting better? Do you find the plot mysterious? HMMMMMN?


	4. The Meat Counter

1Sorry, this was done a few days ago but I couldn't log in!

Whoa. This chapter...is an anomaly. Totally ended before it was supposed to. Soooo. ...that plot development...yeah, the major plot development is next chapter...this one has some too, though, don't get depressy, please...Oh, we meet Neji this chapter! Yay Neji!

As an experiment, I'll respond to the reviewers at the bottom.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto I probably wouldn't like it as much as I do. blinks nerdishly

Chapter 4: The Meat Counter

Naruto trained. Hard; very hard he trained. Dawn to dusk; not really. Naruto trained for two hours every day, in the daylight. But no more.

To train any more than that would arouse suspicion, so Naruto only trained as much as he had previously–although, recently, he had been slacking of a bit. Only a bit, though.

Honestly, you people!

Haven't you figured it out? Don't you get _it?_

The real training, it was, it was...to not be found out.

So every night under the cover of darkness, Naruto snuck away. He snuck away to a little cave, that not-so-little, not-too-large-cave, and trained. Trained his other special training.

To not be found out when he did his other special training was hard. Ne, difficult. The first time he had been found out, Naruto had been forced to feign sleep, like sleepwalking. One might ask, Why wouldn't a skilled shinobi realize that the suspect was faking?

If you did, you might be considered, well, stupid. Of course, Naruto is a shinobi too, and while he might not be top-notch, (well, not _yet_, at least), he was no lazy-loo either. It was quite, quite simple for him to put to use his top-notch training from ero-sannin and Kakashi-sensei (hey, just because he wasn't top-notch didn't mean his training wasn't) and trick the jounin into believing he had only been sleepwalking.

It was only a pity that Naruto had to pivot on his heel and head on home for his story to be plausible, though.

Naruto had exploited his utmost skills to avoid other incidences. Extra training, no?

...yesssss...yes it was...

At any rate, Naruto traveled every night to that cave, training himself in stealth and technique, to do that oh-soooo-special training he had become so fond of.

I bet you wish you knew what that special training was. I bet you all think it's something really cheeeeeesy, really laaaaaaame.

Well, it doesn't matter, you don't get to know, anyway. You're only one of those annoying extra personalities Naruto has locked away in his head.

You're the really bitchy one, too.

-

Ino hummed merrily as she puttered around the kitchen. Today, she had gotten up extra, extra early. She just felt like making breakfast. Something homey. Domestical.

Like..._practice..._

Today, she wasn't even worried about her mother, or her weak father. Nothing could pierce her steel-hard shell today.

Today, she felt like a turtle. A much-loved turtle.

"Ii–ino-kun..." Ah, a stammering voice. That could only mean one thing.

"Wh-why did you..." Ino's mother stood in the doorway. Surveying the vast array of dishes and delicacies.

"Why, he-lo, kaa-san! Would you care for some breakfast?" Ino whipped around, holding a platter of pancakes and a smile. The creepy kind of smile, the kind that makes you want to hurl.

"This–this is..." her mother stammered again. Ino stood and grinned expectantly.

"Breakfast! Are you hungry?"

Ino's mother didn't reply. She stumbled gracelessly over to the refrigerator, the cupboards. Empty.

"You...used all of our food." Ino frowned.

"You could be a little more appreciative, you know." _and not burst my bubble. Bubble-burster._

"When are we going to eat all of this?" The older woman swivelled and stared dazedly at the carpeted table and counters. They steamed slightly, and the mixed aromas made her feel ill.

Ino's mother didn't think that they could afford Ino going through a phase this expensive. And pointless.

-

(This isn't a dream, it's a flashback. Urg. Flashback. How lame.)

_Ino was painfully aware of the warm hand in hers. Warm, not cold, like his face. Don't shoot me with those eyes, Sasuke, they bore through my skull._

_She followed barely a centimeter behind him, centimeters. Deferent, like a good wife should be. Even if she wasn't yet. Yet._

_Only yet._

_Sasuke, she wanted to say. To make him look at her, if only for a moment. _

_He did. _

_He turned and looked at her, with those bottomless black eyes._ _Not obsidian, not that much depth. _

_Sasuke's eyes were like a shark's, empty and full at the same time, hard and soft, flat. Like you could just stick your finger in and it would keep on going and not touch anything._

_The cold eyes made Ino feel warm. It was like...he could read her mind, like he knew she wanted him to look. Even if she didn't want him to see her like this._

_She could hear him thinking. Ino, Ino. He thought her name._

_She could see it in his eyes that were staring into her own. _

_Blank blue gazing into blank black._

_Except when they were blood red._

_Ino hadn't seen that yet, had she._

_NO, NO NO NO she couldn't until later._

_Not until it was consummated. _

_Not that Sasuke was worried, or anything._

_But he was when she looked away. She was looking behind him. _

_She was looking at the door._

_Door. They were at her house. Flower shop. The window was still patched over with plastic._

_God, she was looking at him again. _

_Not that Sasuke needed reassurance. He was the oh-so-confident Uchiha spawn._

_And the oh-so-confident Uchiha spawn noticed that the young lady he was escorting was blushing, and looking at him through her blonde lashes._

_Sasuke decided that Yamanaka Ino wasn't such a bad choice._

_He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. It turned a faint shell pink shade darker than her pale skin color._

_It was dreamlike, the way he almost drifted back, his lips barely brushing her cheek as he stepped away. Ino felt a cool breath of air caress her face in Sasuke's warm absence._

_Sasuke began to walk away and their hands slipped apart. Ino felt like a highschool girl from shoujo anime, where the girl comes home from the perfect date and shares a romantic moment with the boy (although Sasuke is nearly a man by now) on her doorstep. Certainly her heart was fluttering like it was supposed too._)

_This was the part where a spark was supposed to ignite between their sweetly parting fingers. Sakura blossoms falling dramatically like tears in an allusion to their namesake. _

_Ino imagined there was one. An unspoken promise that this would not be the last time Sasuke would escort her, spend special moments with her. _

_It wouldn't be._

_As Sasuke faded away in a shinobi-esque fashion he felt his head reeling. She would be the one, more pros than cons. He weighed them, over and over, to make sure he wasn't making a mistake. _

_He didn't want to become too attached in case he was wrong._

_Already, he was feeling a husbandly affection, traditional affliction between husband and child-bearer. _

_Yamanaka Ino was perfect._

_-_

Neji stoically appraised the selection of meats on display. Tapping the glass, he inclined his head at the traditionally beefy man holding the carving knife. The man rolled up his sleeves, revealing bulky forearms, and prepared to slice of a prime cut of the meat.

"Oh, Hyuuga-sama, you don't really want that piece, do you?" A sweet voice resonated behind him.

Neji and the beefy man seized up in unison. Neji, because he was unaccustomed to being addressed in such a simpering manner, the butcher because he recognized that voice. Hyuuga-sama was in for some unpleasantness if he didn't yield to the other customer.

Neji pivoted on his heel (the Byakugan would be a little extreme to use in a supermarket) and met the eyes of the obeisant individual to the back of him. Yamanaka-san. Scarier than her daughter. Crap-o-la. "Yamanaka-sama," he inclined his head to her as well. "How may I be of assistance?" Oh-so-polite, or she might eat you, Neji-nii.

"Well," the older woman began in that condescending way women have, when they try to be sugar-sweet, "I was just, you see, I need that particular ingredient. I'm having a very special guest to dinner tonight...of course, if you need it, I could always have a change of menu..."she trailed off.

The flummoxed butcher looked at the raw meat hefted in his large paw. Hadn't she...just bought several pounds of this last week?

Neji was fuddled as well; he never knew how to deal with women like this. He was to remain aloof, his only real contact with women to be platonic (as with Ten-ten) until his uncle arranged a marriage of convenience for him. "Certainly, Yamanaka-sama. It would be unpardonably rude of me to deny a lady."

The blonde woman smiled that horribly sweet smile of hers again. Neji's heart caught, and he idly wondered what he would get to replace the main family's dinner tonight.

The butcher cut, weighed and packaged the meat, handing it to Yamanaka-san in a sterile plastic bag. With one last smile and a goodbye, she swayed towards the others aisles to select ingredients to replace the ones eradicated by her trial of a daughter that morning. Her very special guest needed only the most special ingredients, after all.

Neji turned back to the meat counter and continued to contemplate. Finally and with an inward sigh, he selected another variety. This would have to do. Damn. Now he had to reorganize his whole menu as well.

How demeaning that one with such an advanced bloodline be demoted to fixing the family dinner. No, not only cooking, _shopping_ in a common marketplace. Such a plebeian task was meant to be designated to the servants! But nooooo, Hyuuga Hiashi-sama _insisted_ that _he _fix the meal for the main-family reunion. Just because he was a better chef than the other ones up for hire.

How unintelligent.

And totally not fair.

Neji was still an angsty teenager, even if he acted so anal all of the time. He had things he wanted to do too, dammit!

Neji picked up the white and plastic package and left to pick up a new shaker of paprika. (They had run out in all of the kitchens at once. What were the odds?) Hefting the other odds and ends that he needed into the cart, Neji made his way to the check-out register. Paid with the Hyuuga official credit card. Grabbed the plastic bags (the Hyuugas don't recycle) and left through the sliding doors.

And promptly ran into Naruto.

"Ohayo, Neji! Sorry 'bout that!" It took all of Neji's super-advanced ninja skills not to drop the bags he was carrying. "Need some help?"

"Ah, no, Naruto-kun, I," Neji started.

"Pssh, that's way to many packages, come on, I'll help you carry them home." The blonde made to receive several of the many bags clutched to the other boy's chest.

"Naruto-kun, the main family will be there, it's not a good idea," Neji held back the plastic bags labeled 'Konoka Grocer'. They were starting to hurt his hands and get slippery with sweat.

Sweaty palms, like Naruto. He had obviously come from training not long ago; his hair was slightly damp and he had that smell that you got after a lot of exercise, when you didn't precisely _stink _yet.

Naruto had paused to consider. What did Neji mean? The main, the main, the main. A light bulb lit upon his light head.

"Ooooh, I see, Neji, I completely understand," Naruto said in his chilling imitation of the local busybodies.

"Naruto, if it were any other day, but this is a very important date to Hiashi-sama..."

Naruto raised his hands as if in surrender, he knew, didn't hold it against Neji. "Like I said, no problem, ne? Some other time, 'kay, Neji?" He turned and began an energetic jog back to his downtrodden apartment.

Neji stood and dispassionately looked after the blonde. The only person besides Naruto that would run after training was Rock Lee. Well, Maito Gai as well, he supposed. Neji decided that he wouldn't gain anything by standing and evoking an emotional scene by staring after the much-mocked Naruto. He turned and in a steady gait, walked towards the Hyuuga manse, occasionally shifting the slippery, sweaty handles of the bags from hand to hand.

-

Sasuke sat in the gray room waiting for the red sun to bathe him in blood.

From his position on the bed, he could see the entire room.

Well, except for the monster under the bed. Or his feet. Sasuke hated feet, the way they looked, how the toes could wiggle, how they got clammy whenever it was rainy or cold. They way they almost always looked so deformed. Why, oh why, did the ninja sandals have to show the toes?

He was sitting in the middle, with his knees drawn up to his chest, his toes gripping the blankets in an attempt to stay warm.

Sasuke was wearing socks on his feet, not the kind that were loose and slipped around. But his feet were still cold and clammy. The autumn air made the floors cold and his feet coated in a cold sweat. Super duper gross.

Sasuke had decided, and there was nothing else to it. Just more planning.

And preparing the plan.

And putting the plan into action.

As well as maintaining the plan once it was started.

Then beginning the other multitude of plans he had planned.

And maintaining those plans.

You know what?

Sasuke was growing rather accustomed to planning and plotting.

Maybe the spotless gray room really was working its magic.

It made him feel mischievous, eeeveeel, like Itachi was.

But Sasuke would never, never ever be evil.

-

Ino was feeling apprehensive.

Like those people in horror movies, who are so sure nothing bad can happen, but are still wary and sardonic anyway, because to act like anything else would be stupid.

Ino could swear she heard elevator music playing in the background.

Oh wait, it was.

Her mother's guest-entertaining music, it was jokingly mocked between her and her father.

And guest-entertaining music could only mean one thing. A guest.

And indeed a guest was here, sitting directly across the table from her, in fact.

Ino felt the bottom of her stomach drop away and be replaced with an absolute feeling of uselessness, the eternal question that worms its way through the mind of many a teenager all but screaming, _WHY ME!_

ClIfFhAnGeR!

Is that really a cliffhanger? It isn't so exciting...sorry bout that. That was MOST DEFINITELY **NOT** SUPPOSED TO BE THE WAY THE CHAPTER ENDED!

So, it'll have this chapter's ending next chapter.

Oh, and sorry if the flashback gets confusing. It starts out with Ino, switches to Sasuke out of the blue, goes back to Ino, and ends with Sasuke. Didn't intend for that to happen either. Heh. And that sock thing with Sasuke wasn't supposed to be there either, but he seemed lonely, sooo.

THIS IS DEFINITELY A NARU/INO FANFIC! well, it should be...

And if you read the Authors notes, please mention that you did in a review. (If you do review)

Responses:

madnarutofan: well...you'll see. Maybe...I haven't gotten quite that far yet, and any plans I've had have gone Kaput! I'm half done chapter five already, and...it's making me reconsider stuff already! But, no matter what, this is definitely, absolutely _NOT _a Sasuke/Ino fanfic. I promise. (By the way, I hate Sasuke too. I think he's super cute when he's not forehead-protector-less he has an even bigger forehead than Sakura, but he's also a bastard.)

Achalon: That's creepy and sexy at the same time...(err, ok...) Actually, I stole the blush thing from Fooly Cooly. And, there will be more madness! I hope. There was supposed to be some in this chapter...runs and checks kind of. Sasuke and feet, is kind of crazy, right? And Ino's mom...geez, almost as scary and domineering as mine...


	5. Go, Go Go Go Away

1Meinos887Right. Picking up where we left off, This is what was really supposed to happen in chapter four.

I waited to update to give you guys more time to review! Shows what I know...cries

Disclaimer: Bwa-ha-ha.

Chapter 5: Go, Go Go Go Away (Pronounced like Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. Shaddup ya losers.)

NOTE: The opening scene takes place on the same day as the previous chapter. Everything else, let's just say it's the day after that...

Ino sat in her chair, her heart thumping. Aneurism. She stiffly lifted her chopsticks and a vegetable made its solemn way towards her mouth. The music tinkled in the background.

"Delicious, as expected, Yamanaka-san," Kakashi mentioned. At least half of his food had disappeared from his plate. Not once had any of them seen his mouth.

"Oh, it's not so much." Ino's mother graciously accepted with a titter. Her eyes glinted maliciously at her daughter. Here, eat some more, Kakashi-kun, she said as she handed him a platter.

"I must disagree." Kakashi objected. "It is." Her mother tittered again. Glint.

Does he know why he's here? Does he...want to...Ino felt dead. Hopeless. Bottomless. She ate another bite. Chomp.

"Your daughter's very well behaved, Yamanaka," He commented to her father. Ino's heart clamped up.

"Yes, some of the time she is," Tou-san allowed.

"Oh, you," the okaa-san interjected in a condescending way, "Kakashi-kun you should try her cooking, it's so enthusiastic. Just this morning she baked the most de-lec-ta-ble cinnamon buns I've had in years And I never even knew she had such and affinity for the kitchen "

An affinity for the kitchen. For Sasuke. Not Hatake-san.

"Why don't I brink some out with dessert?"

Kakashi consented with a small inclination of his head. "I'm looking forward to this, Ino-san. I haven't had a good cinnamon bun in awhile." You could tell he was smiling. You couldn't see it, but you could tell it was there.

"Hai, Hatake-san. I hope you're not disappointed." Ino replied meekly. She didn't have the confidence to say anything more.

"Please, call me Kakashi like everyone else. You know, Naruto's taken to calling me ero-sensei lately." He said with another one of those grins that you couldn't see. Ino's father snorted into his plate, his place of refuge, at hearing such talk at the dinner table.

"Dearest, finish your dinner please," the older woman prodded. Her husband glared briefly at her. So, Kakashi-kun didn't get yelled at for inappropriate table talk but he did for not eating fast enough?

"You don't want to gain weight, you know." She sing-songed. Oh, it was on, Hatake Kakashi.

He gave up his plate in the end, of course. In the end, the man always bent to the woman's whim. Her every desire. She called the shots. Besides, she was scary.

"Ino, why don't you help me in the kitchen?" sweetly called. Sinuous voice.

"Hai, okaa-san." Ino stood and retrieved her still half-full plate. Her mother made quite the show of gathering otou-san's dishes and utensils.

"Ino-chan, my hands are full Will you be a sweetling and get Kakashi-kun's plates?" Urgh. That, that voice Eeew

"Of course, kaa-san," Ino countered in a voice just as sickeningly ariose. She haltingly traversed the room to get to the other side of the table. Where that bastard was.

"Here, Ino-san," Kakashi handed the plates to her. How nice, not making her reach around. "Thank you," for taking away the dirty dishes. He was always so polite.

Well, not that it mattered. Ino walked into the kitchen. Her mother was already there, putting the dishes in the sink. "We'll take care of these later, Ino-kun," she intoned, suddenly business-like. "Anyway..." the sweet voice was back. "Tell me, what do you think of Kakashi-kun?"

"He's very polite." Ino stated shortly.

"Oh, come on. You can tell me. Woman to woman." her mother sneered and walked past her to the refrigerator. Ino felt claustrophobic.

"He's very nice."

"Rrrreeeeaaaalllyyy?" The word seemed to roll off her tongue in waves.

"Yes, really. Nice." Ino felt dizzy, like the kitchen was swaying, rolling on rolling pins.

"Well, he is. And so much more." Ino's mother seemed to suddenly back off, leaning against the counter, sighing like a schoolgirl. Well, now that I've got my dear daughter's opinion. She's gotten way too close to that Uchiha boy, and him to her. Who ever heard of him walking a girl home? I don't trust him. "Let's take out dessert "

"O-kay..." What a freak...

DUN-DUN-DUN

The blondes walked into the room. Well, one walked and one stalked. But both exuded a lady-like, calming presence.

Each carried a platter heaped with sweets. They sat, they ate, they made small talk. Ino felt ill again, that recurring nausea from in the kitchen. She excused herself. She went to bed. She thought about Sasuke, and how her chances of being with him seemed to be increasing and decreasing at the same time. She fell asleep.

Kakashi sat with the elder Yamanakas in the parlor. Talked about profession, the neighbors, business. And Ino was eventually brought up.

"She's a very well-behaved girl, you know," the woman said offhandedly. Pick up the hint, do it, do it, Kakashi-kun.

"Indeed she is, Yamanaka-san, and a good cook as well." The admission sent her heart leaping.

"You know, she had some rather positive things to say about you as well, Kakashi-kun..." Glint.

"Oh, did she now?"

The quiet husband sat in the background, not seeing himself fit to enter this discussion. Yet. What would be the outcome of this dangerous encounter.

"Why yes, I can't blame her. You're quite impressive." Pile on the compliments, why don't you, Yamanaka-san.

"I don't want to seem rude, but...will you get to the point? Please?" Kakashi lazily asked. Like he didn't already know the answer. The slight woman stiffened. And relaxed. She was a kunoichi, after all. And everyone knew that a skilled kunoichi is much more skilled in the arts of deception than a normal shinobi.

"Well, you see, Kakashi-kun, you're getting rather old, don't you think?" Her chin in her hands, her eyes sliding to the side. Utterly nonchalant.

"I think I'm still younger than you, Yamanaka-san." Ooh. Buuurrrnn.

"Why, you " Well, maybe a kunoichi wasn't more skilled all the time. The quiet husband stood up and restrained her.

"You are being a little presumptuous, dear," He whispered into her ear. Gradually, her breathing calmed. But her temper didn't. Ino had to get her contrariness from someone, didn't she?

"Well, as the host I suppose I am obligated to forgive you on account of my rudeness. Kakashi-kun." She composed herself, caking her face with a chilling smile.

"Hmm." Kakashi murmured. He wouldn't apologize. Not when he didn't think he was wrong.

"Anyway, as I was saying. You have never appeared to show much interest in dating beyond those books you're notorious for reading. And it will get harder and harder to find a woman young enough to bear an heir for you as you get on in years." She took a stabilizing breath. "I myself am worried about the state of my daughter's love life. I believe she has spent far too many years pining after that former student of yours."

"I see..." He did. He had seen far before she had thought of it.

"I know you've drawn your own conclusions, Kakashi-kun. I won't insult myself by saying what I want you to do out loud." She waited on baited breath.

"I don't like the circumstances, Yamanaka-san...s. But I won't disagree with you. I'll leave it to you to make any...agreements with your daughter. She really is a fine young woman." The scarecrow stood. "Goodbye, Yamanaka-san. I await your summons." He finished with a slightly sarcastic au revoir. More respectfully, he said good-bye to her male counterpart, by way of a nod. The male Yamanaka accepted the acknowledgment with a nod of his own. The two men formed a bond of sorts; one feared the woman, the other rivaled her tenacity.

-

"Anou sa, Shikamaru " Shikamaru sighed. Anytime, he heard that voice, that could only mean one person...

"Hello, Naruto. You better not be troublesome." Shikamaru sighed again, as was his custom.

"Hey, hey, that hurts, Shikamaru I wasn't going to bother you anyway, I'm too busy " Naruto was running by at that point.

Shikamaru opened one eye in confusion (they had been closed before. Everyone knows that proper sighing-technique requires closed eyes.) "Busy? You've been even more of a bum than me lately, Naruto."

The blonde spun on his heel and did the nice-guy pose. "Yeah, well the bug crawled out of my butt, so I can see what an absolute teme I've been lately I'm gonna be Hokage "

Shikamaru felt happy for his friend. He had crawled out of his depression, finally. But Shikamaru's expression didn't change. Not one bit. "Keep telling yourself that, loudmouth." Just a bit of friendly encouragement for the road.

"Ha I will, you lazy-ass " Naruto knew what Shikamaru really meant. That lazy-ass genius always seemed to talk in code for some reason...

Naruto spun around a few more times in his eagerness to return to his substandard apartment. Earning a few swirly-eyes in the process. Shikamaru closed his one open eye. If he had been Sasuke (that bastard) he would have insulted Naruto, called him dobe.

But he wasn't, so he didn't.

The blonde completed his spin and made his way, ninja-style, to his flat. (Heehee, ninja-style. That sounds kind of kinky, like doggy or kitty-style. Forget I said that.)

Well, not really ninja-style, all the way. Once he was out of sight, Naruto pounded his feet into the ground, pumping his arms and his upper torso twisting. Like in a manga, a tragic manga. The boy just broke up with the girl, insensitive like that, so she runs away as fast as she can, her head lowered so no one can see her cry.

But Naruto wasn't crying.

No, he was quite happy. Tonight, tonight, tonight was the night.

-

Godaime paced in her office all that sunny fall afternoon. The leaves on the trees were golden and red. The leaves in the streets were too. But the leaves in the gutters were brown and murky from being trampled by carts and having their juices siphoned out of them to mix with the dry parts.

In the afternoon, when the sun shone just right, everything basked in a golden glow, ricocheting off of the desk heaped high with papers and the walls and the countless cabinets stuffed to bursting with files and traditional scrolls just for show.

As she paced, she contemplated. Was it a wise idea? What would come of it?

How would the villagers react?

Oh, they would be dismayed, terrified. That, at least, was a given.

But would they actually do anything, was the real question.

Four years ago, at the Chuunin Exams, he had come to the village and wreaked havoc. Then, he had not been so well known outside of his own village. Since, liaisons with Sunagakure had come to a favorable outcome, an alliance, both villages united in their hatred of Orochimaru and his Sound Village.

Sabaku no Gaara hadn't been to Konoha since that time, however.

He hadn't been the Kazekage, either.

But now...now, everyone knew that he had been a Jinchuuriki.(sp?)

The Kazekage's story had traveled far and wide throughout Konahagakure, so everyone knew of the bloodthirsty priest that had been locked inside of him. They had heard of the countless murders performed by him in cold blood. They had seen him maul the persevering Rock Lee.

And now, they knew he was without his main source of protection.

Since Shukaku had been removed from inside of Gaara, he had been substantially weaker. Still a powerful and skilled shinobi, with full faculties regarding his sand justu, but weaker nontheless. No super-super chakra.

Even though he was empty now, would the villagers still hate him?

It would be up to Tsunade to protect her younger equal from the condescending punishment of the villagers. Those unforgiving, harsh, villagers.

She looked out the window; it was dark.

-

Sakura sat on her bed. Staring at the newspaper in front of her. She bit her bottom lip, heaved another sigh and circled an ad with a red pen.

Ever since she had graduated from the Genin Academy, all of her pens had been of red ink, to match what she called her "fiery passion." But mark her; it was not a "fiery passion"...OF YOUTH!

Good fucking kami, it was not a youthful passion.

She pushed herself back and eyed the results of the last half-hour's toil. Seven. Like her team. Was this symbolic, or something? Would she have seven children? Would they only live to be seven? Would she, (god forbid), only be married for seven years, for whatever reason?

But...these seven seemed the most promising. Sure, she had never actually checked out the neighborhoods where some of them were located, but at prices like that, they couldn't be too bad.

Sakura estimated that if she kept up a steady stream of C and B class missions instead of the erratic schedule she had followed previously, she would be able to live quite comfortably.

Pulling out a map from one of the books that littered the shelves of her room, Sakura began to circle the locations of her seven destinations.

She only wished that she could be going directly from her home to Sasuke's.

-

_Sometime before. You don't really need to know when, do you?_

_Sakura crept into the house quietly, fresh from a challenging mission. Escorting. Bandits. Blood. So much blood on her hands, seeping into her roots, blood red pink hair._

"_She needs to go, I can't stand her " Angry voice, appalled voice. Like Sakura was. "I hate her."_

"_You hate your daughter?" "You really hate your daughter?"_

"_She hates me." An agonized breath. "She hates me back." _

"_She doesn't really." The husband was comforting, consoling, because inside he knew what he said wasn't true._

"_Oh?" the pink-haired woman cried hysterically, "Oh? She doesn't do that around you, though, does she? Daddy's perfect little angel But to me, to–me, she's, she's like a hell hound I hate okaa-san, okaa-san's a bitch, I don't need okaa-san because she's a useless idiot " _

_Her pink-haired husband didn't respond. Nothing he could say would make the pain better; Sakura saw his thoughts revolving through his forehead. Because he wasn't abused, and the wifey was._

"_I just,...she's so much like her. My sister. You know the one, the one who always insulted me, made me cry...YOU'RE USELESS, useless Pathetic kunoichi, can't do anything. Why would he want to marry you anyway? Pushed me down in the mud." The ranting degenerated into gasps. "Sh-she..." _

"_Alright. She'll leave." The statement contained none of the flatness Sakura thought it should have._

_-_

_(Still a memory...STILL )_

_Sakura had left after her father's response. Came back later. She knew that her father knew she had been there. Listening. But he let her leave, to give his wife a chance to compose herself. In the end, his wife would always come out on top._

_She stepped quietly into the front entry, hoping not to be too loud. Climbing through the window would be beneath her. But they were still there. In the parlor._

"_Sakura. We would like to have a word with you," her father said. Sakura schooled her face into one of innocence._

"_What is it, otou-san? Why are you and kaa-san up so late?" she cautiously walked into the traditionally decorated room._

"_Sakura. You're sixteen; you've been a legal adult by shinobi law for four years." her father was curt; all business. Her mother stood to the side, pointedly not looking at her. _

"_What are you getting at, otou-san?" A quirkily confused expression adorned her face._

"_We think you should move out, Sakura. You've been ready for a long time." The harsh voice scraped at her brain, raped her senses. No sweetums, no -chans._

"_I understand. Kaa-san." She wouldn't cry, because she had seen this coming. Coming forever. It was kind of sick. _

"_Find an apartment, Sakura. As soon as possible." Not once had her mother said a word to her._

_How absolutely rude._

-

That night, Naruto sat in his room. Looked at his things.

His aged TV. The stained couch. The threadbare rug. Dented dishes, tarnished lamps. Patched clothing.

He had once adored these few things; things that loved him. He knew that they did, because they never, not once, had left him.

But now he would be leaving them.

Tonight was the night. The night of Uzumaki Naruto's salvation. He didn't bother to pack anything. Just a spare change of special clothes. These clothes didn't look like his normal clothes.

No. From now on, he would be exemplary. Normal.

Naruto glanced at the clock. Nearly eight o'clock, that it was. Time to go.

He exited his apartment, locked the door as per usual. Patted his back pocket where Gama-chan was safely secured with all of his sage wisdom. The package of clothing concealed so no one could see it.

Naruto cheerily walked (no, contrary to popular belief, he does not skip all the time) to a minor gate of the village, the one allotted to regular citizens who were simply exiting for a short period of time before returning home. 1 He waved cheerily to the chuunins assigned to guard it during daylight hours. Their shift was just ending; Kiba called a greeting to Naruto as he hopped off the giant fence that surrounded the village.

"Yo, Naruto. " Macho as ever, Kiba. "Howz it goin'? " Akamaru barked in unison with his partner.

"Alright, Kiba Just heading out to train in the real forest, ya know? Gotta beat Sasuke someday."

"Yeah, he's giving us a bad name, Uchiha or no Good luck with that " No small amount of bitterness towards the Uchiha laced his statement. A small amount of good-natured sarcasm did steep throughout the latter half, though. "Gotta go, though, or Akamaru n' I'll miss what's left of dinner ."

"Yeah." Yeah, Kiba. You do that.

Kiba waved at the pair arriving to relieve him and the other chuunin guard of their shift. "He's clean, don't bother checking him. " Kiba, Kiba, Kiba. That's bad policy.

The others nodded at him, and Naruto progressed through the terminally open gate. Time to do his thing.

He walked into the forest, far enough away from anyone that no one would notice his presence. He rubbed at his cheeks and patted his hair down. Stripped off his garish clothes and pulled on the black pants and navy shirt, leaving the chuunin vest he had been wearing on the ground.

Naruto sat on the ground and pulled on his foreign slippers that covered his toes. They felt strange to his feet and mind; his toes were not often encased, even in socks, and his eyes unused to not seeing his toes.

With a simple hand seal, Naruto initiated a simple fire jutsu to burn the orange clothes to less than ashes once he had thrown them in the air. They were quickly whisked away.

He bandaged his calves and arms in strips of weighted black cloths, and decided that he was ready. For good measure, he rubbed some dirt on his clothes, skin, and hair. And ran around a bit, to work up a slight flush on his cheeks. Then he jetted for the main road into Konohagakure.

-

"Sir, what is your purpose for being here?" The guard stoically performed his interrogation.

"I'm simply a wandering genin from far away, ninja-san. I wanted to possibly make a home of this village."

The guard looked at the traveler. No sign of a guarded expression, although slightly nervous. "Everything seems to be in order for now, Arashi-san. If you haven't registered yourself in two weeks we'll have to deport you, and you'll need to get a job, to. Konoha has no use for more lazies. If you want to pursue a career as a shinobi, you'll have to speak with the Hokage-sama."

The blonde and blue boy smiled. "Of course."

That was what happened the day Naruto disappeared, and the day Arashi arrived.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Wowie, 282 was really funny. Anyway, I was thinking of shortening these chapters...I think I would get the same amount of reviews either way, plus I could update a little more often since there wouldn't be so many scenes. Waddya say?

Things I really don't like about this chapter and would looove some help on: not making clothing descriptions lam-o. The honorifics of the Yamanakas. How do you call the mom and the dad both Yamanaka-san and not get mixed up? I'd like to know any of the parent's first names. And I'd like to know if Arashi is the real name of the fourth hokage. (I'd reread the manga...but I don't feel like it.)

1. Ah, about that...I have no idea if there is one of these. In fact, I doubt there is a 'minor gate'. But lucky you, now there is one. Sorry if it seems lame, but having Naruto do a little fence hopping was too boring.

Reviews:

deathrosekitty: whee I didn't think anyone would support kakaino I kinda want to change it, but then I have other ideas for this fic...so sad. I could write alternate endings, yanno?

Meteorain: Well...no, no he hasn't...but in my plot, he sort of doesn't for awhile yet. Umm...(awkward) Thanks for reviewing That's a compliment in itself

Achalon: Eek! Yes Fooly Cooly does rock, thank you very much! But I've watched it so many times that I have to leave during the parts that annoy me. Btw, dunno how crazy the next chapter is ...I'm mostly done and all, but I'm not so sure about it...

Meinos887: Wow. You're quite...not scary when you're hyperventilating, but that's the closest to a flame that I've ever gotten sooooo...should I pretend? Yes, I realize that this is a Naru/Ino fic. Yes I realize that this is chapter 'foru', and that they haven't met yet. So, I am sure, is everyone else. But would you really rather I lump all the information in at once and make it really shitty like the spelling and grammar of your review? Jeez. It's called exposition, and everything will tie together eventually. Glad you turned off your hyperventilating mode, and thanks for reviewing (you get lots of presents for that)


	6. 1 Little, 2 Little, 3 Little Idiots

Hn. I wasn't sure I liked this chapter, so I decided to re-edit it. I feel like my writing's going downhill because of all the essays I have to do for school. It's pretty much the same, (I just changed some words to clarify stuff) so you don't have to read it.

Informative bullshit of the day: A lot of people say that Tsunade has a jutsu that makes her younger, and lump her in with Orochimaru who takes over younger bodies to maintain his youth. No such jutsu exists, as is specified in the manga (which is why Orochimaru is switching from body to body...) Tsunade is fifty to fifty four years old and only appears young because of a genjutsu. Genjutsu are techniques which, through eye contact( I think), confuse the mind, so it can make a person think that Tsunade looks young and pretty (and not saggy at all : o ), or smell a certain smell, or relive a certain experience over and over. (I love that about Itachi...) ANYWAY What I'm saying is that excluding extenuating circumstances, Jiraya would die around the same age as Tsunade. Which would be old.

Disclaimer: I'd be a pretty big loser to need to write fanfiction for my own manga.

Chapter Six: One Little, Two Little, Three Little Idiots

One week. Two weeks. Three Weeks. Four.

One week until the Kazekage arrived.

Two weeks until he planned to visit Naruto.

Three weeks until he trashed the entire village when the blonde gaki wasn't there.

Four until Tsunade was totally screwed over once the Sunagakure envoy left. That is, if she was still alive.

Where the hell had he gone? Where would he be able to go and not be found?

It had been three days since Naruto had taken leave to restart his week-long training regimen. That in itself wasn't so strange; although the boy had been slacking off in the past year since Sasuke made jounin and he hadn't, everyone had expected him to kick himself into high gear eventually.

Everyone had also expected him to injure himself within the first two days.

But it became glaringly apparent when there were no signs of a struggle, that Naruto had most likely left on his own.

Naruto may not be the best ninja, but he was no slouch, either. And he wasn't completely stupid. Most of the dumbass things he did was when there was someone around to pick up the slack for him.

So if something had happened, and he had been attacked by something he couldn't handle, Naruto would've found _some_ way to alert anyone nearby.

Kakashi had gone to check up on his former student as he was wont to do, knowing Naruto's near-abusive forms of training. All he had found were windblown leaves and thegentle, calming influence thatnature constantly swept throughout the forest.

Not long after, several teams of ANBU, jounin, chuunin, and genin alike had been sent to search the nearby areas and villages for the Jinchuuriki. Curiously enough, no leads had turned up, even when the resident shinobi guards had been questioned. Even if Naruto had been using a genjustu, which was unlikely because that was not a skill listed in his repertoire, the guards were chuunin level, minimum, and trained to see through such tactics.

Which brought Tsunade back to her diplomatic sinkhole. Gaara, Gaara, Gaara was COMING!

Naruto wasn't HERE!

Just when she thought she would be able to stabilize relations with the other village for good, too!

The recent Kazekage was not the gullible type. He would most definitely not believe that Naruto had been sent on a mission during the time he had allotted to meet with his rival. That specific week had been expressly left free for Gaara's entertainment with the one person who could truly understand him and spend time with him while feeling absolutely no fear.

Worst case scenario, the Kazekage would assume that the villagers of Konohagakure had taken it upon themselves to rid their prized village of its demon. Which would mean, if you were lucky, instant death, or if you weren't, a horrible, agonizing, venomous, painful demise.

And where the FUCK was that BRAT?

"Hokage-sama?" the door creaked open. "Am I interrupting?"

"Eh? Oh, no, only me biting of my nail to the quick. Not so important." Tsunade turned away from her window to see the boy, nearly a man, peeking his head into her office.

A flash of recognition sparked in Tsunade's eyes.

"You have a meeting with me, I remember. Let's see, your file's riiiiight...heeere...somewhere...I had Shizune put it on my desk...honestly...where is it? WHY CAN'T I FIND ANYTHING TODAY!"

She had started out calmly sifting through the mountains of papers. Then she had progressed to flinging them throughout the room. And eventually tearing up papers with her explosive temper.

"Aah, anou,Ho-hokage-sama?" the boy timidly interrupted. "I-is this it?" He held out a folder that had fallen to the ground.

"Why, yes! Thank you, such a smart young man." Tsunade took the sheaf of papers from the boy's hands with a politely foolish grin. "Nakatima Arashi-san. You took the genin examination a few days ago, is that correct?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama." "Please, call me Tsunade-hime, I like you, kid." "Err, yes, Tsunade-hime."

"These are the results afforded to you by your examiners on the written portion of the exam. You exhibited a necessary knowledge of chakra, justu, and shinobi basic laws, as well as decent chakra control. Do these results seem correct, Arashi-san?"

"They seem to be correct, Tsunade-hime." "Good."

"You do understand that you were given the medium-level genin test to ensure that in the case of your entering the Chuunin examination, you will not be a liability to your teammates, no?"

"Yes, Tsunade-hime."

"Don't be so nervous, you know, Arashi-san? Smile a little!" _But before they always told me to smile less._ "I won't eat you!" _But I'LL eat YOU..._

"Ahehehe. Sorry, I can't help it Tsunade-hime. You're very nice, though." Tsunade smiled at the blushing youth. She just might be in love...did that make her a pedophile?

Naah.

"Everything seems to be going along well, Arashi-san. We'll take care of your village registry along with your genin registry. I would advise getting a different job on the side though; D-class missions don't pay enough to support the cost of living." Tsunade continued informatively. Just like Sakura always used to be...

"I guess I'll have to look into that. My money's not going to last more than a month." Arashi stuck his hand behind his blonde head and scratched foolishly.

Tsunade crossed her arms and leaned her elbows on the expensive desk. "We-ell...you're such a nice young man, Arashi-san. I could always give you a desk job here, and it wouldn't interfere with your missions..." the blonde woman wheedled. She really, really, _really_ wanted Arashi-san to work nearby.

"That'd be great, Tsunade-hime! But..." Training! Every decent shinobi, lowly genin or no, needed to train!

"Oh, you boys. Work won't really interfere with your training. The genin and chuunin get a month of leave before their examinations to train if they want. And the tower is closed on weekends in case of emergency, plus desk-days will be well integrated with missions." Honestly. Boys these days. Training was all they ever thought about.

"Actually, your shirt is falling down a little too far..." the golden child was looking away with a red flush gracing...well, blotting, his cheeks.

"...eek!"

Arashi left the Hokage's office that day with a sizeable amount of papers in his arms. Working in an office...he had always discounted that before, but now it seemed akin to easy street. It had...a system. He hadn't often used systems and order before, but now, it was like the work would be done for him.

If you worked in the office, you were under constant observation. Meaning certain advancements were liable to come to you. As in, if someone recommended you, you could not only receive D and C class missions, you could beassigned low-level B-class missions. Opportunities for diplomatic missions were oft to be put on your roster. The Hokage got to know you better, and could judge your leadership skills (as in the chuunin exam.)

Plus, the work was easy.

Or so he thought. But Tsunade had a mission planned out for him already.

-

For now, Ino was resigned. Her mother was clearly determined to marry her off to Hatake-san; not that it would ever happen.

To marry Hatake-san would be...unlucky. Pouring hot oil over her body wouldn't wash away the sin she would be cloaked in, pervaded with.

Sasuke wouldn't stand for it anyways. She was sure of it.

Ino hadn't seen him since that night in the forest, but she knew that he wouldn't let her be sent away against her will. He had protected her, hadn't he? He had escorted her home, breathed on her cheek, ne? Sasuke had never done those things before,to anyone,she was sure.

No one, not even Sakura, could take away those memories from her. It had to be a good sign, right?

To get out of her mother's path,Ino went out for her habitual walk. Today was not a sunny, golden day like the previous several; the sky was slate gray, and the leaves were turning a dry, crackling brown. The temperature was still moderate, but held a chill in the air, like it was going to rain soon, storm, perhaps.

It was the kind of day Ino liked the best.

When it was about to storm, the air felt full of pent up tension begging to be released. When it began to become windy, it was as if a trigger had gone off somewhere, or the stopper had been pulled out of the drain of a bathtub. From there on, thesky raged and cried, unleashing its frustrations upon the world.

Ino liked it because it reminded her of what she wanted to be.

Sure, she was notoriously bad tempered, mean and stubborn, but she never went all out, until her anger and sadness were fully spent. She had never held to disposition to, when she had the chance, really hurt someone.

She imagined that Sasuke was like that, too.

He had to be, living with the constant bother of the villagers, 'I love Sasuke, the great Uchiha, the last, the last, the most handsome last! But not the most talented. Never the best. Just loyal and lonely like a doggie.'Yey he never retaliated; the most he did was loose his negative emotions through training.

Or maybe he did? Utilized his career to burn off pent-up agression?

They really were a foul-mooded pair. Perfect for each other in that respect.

He never really went out of his way to talk to her; her only real encounter with him had ever been that time in the forest a few days ago. Even during the genin academy days, all she had done was admire him from afar, like everyone else. On the rare days she had sat next to him, she had been like every other girl, too shy to strike up a conversation with him, living off of stolen peeks at his profile, covered with blushes.

So maybe, today, she would run into him, and he would want to walk with her again.

Ino walked on a route most likely to take her past wherever Sasuke was. He wasn't at the training fields; she wasn't about to knock on his front door when he wasn't outside of his eerily empty house. He hadn't been around the missions office, either. Ino sighed as she left the latter location. Maybe he was doing his shopping. Shopping, hah. It was weird to think of Sasuke shopping for groceries or picking up dry cleaning, but she supposed that he had to sometimes, just like everyone else. She didn't really have anything to pick up at the grocer's and her mother picked up the dry cleaning when there was any. So that left one place where she could go without seeming weird.

The pastry shoppe.

Hey, just because she was resigned, didn't mean thatshe wasn't depressed, and therefore entitled to someform of caloric compensation.

At the moment she favored custard-filled donuts. Mmmm, donuts.

With a sense of purpose, she set up for the delicacy-selling shop of wonders. Until she came upon a flurry of papers, which quite effectively blinded her. Now, that would make for an effective jutsu. Paper Shield Technique! Try to punch through this baby, and you get a zillion paper cuts!

"Aak. What the!" Ino did get a paper cut in the attempt to remove the countless papers from her line of sight. It burned and itched and stung. "Hey!"

"Gomen ne! Gomen ne, I didn't mean to drop those!" A male voice earnestly apologized. A masculine hand groped at the papers still blowing onto her face, revealing a cloud-like head of blonde hair andsky blue eyes. "Are you alright?"

Ino was still a bit flustered and mildly embarrassed. She must have looked like...a funky chicken. Or something like that, when she was swatting at those papers. "Hai, I'm fine, just be more careful with those! You could hurt someone..." And people said she hadn't mellowed out over the years. "Who are you?"

"Aah, I'm Nakatima Arashi. I just arrived here a few days ago, so I was getting registered in the Hokage's office. She gave me all those papers, and I guess that wasn't the greatest thing on such a breezy day!" The boy (he looked to be about her age) laughed nervously as he pointed his thumb in the direction of the Hokage tower and waved the sheaf of papers around with his other hand.

"Oh, you're new?" Interesting. Today might not be such a bust after all.

"Errm, yeah. I was just going back to my hotel now and then going out to lunch..." He trailed off meaningfully. Ino took the bait immediately.

"Hey, I was just about to get lunch to. Why don't I show you around and we can get something to eat?" Sasuke wasn't there. Nothing could really damage her chances of being with him.

"That sounds great!"

"Hey, there's this pastry shop I want to stop at, too..."

-

"You're like...an eating machine." Ino's eyes had flatlined. He was just like a human garbage disposal. How the hell could anyone eat that much in one sitting!

They had gone out for barbeque; an Akimichi favorite, and therefore fairly popular throughout the village. And Arashi-san had eaten no less than three servings.

"Urmph?" he swallowed. "I get really hungry, so I eat a lot." _Thanks to his oh-so-gracious tenant. It took a lot of carbs to maintain those chakra levels._

"How do you not...you know..." Ino leaned forward and whispered. "_Get fat?"_ It was always good policy never to say that word whenever there was even the slightest chance that an Akimichi was nearby. Ino had learned that early on.

"Err...high metabolism?" _GgrroOOOWWwl. _"Really, really high metabolism?"

"That's ridiculous. Come on, I want some comfort food anyway." Ino stated brashly. This guy. He could eat that much and probably not gain an ounce. How many women, Ino wondered, would kill to have a metabolism like that?

"Mmm. Sounds yummy."

So they ended up leaving the pastry shop a half hour after they had entered it. Ino's wallet wasn't much lighter after she had payed for her one meal and cream-filled donut; on the other hand, Arashi's was depleted by a large margin. Oh well; it had been super-full to begin with, so he still had plenty left.

"You are soooo going to gain weight after eating all of those," Ino gestured to her companion, who was cradling a baker's dozen of jelly donuts in his arms.

"And I'll love it all dearly." he crooned, rubbing his face in the bag and caressing his belly.

"You're sick. Weirdo."

"...I know. Sorry." The blonde boy apologized and looked away. "Anyway, I have to go. Stuff to take care of, apartments to find. You know."

"Yeah."

Ino kept on walking to her house as Arashi branched away. She would sneak in through her window; there was a convenient tree by it. So her mother would get the hint that she didn't want to be spoken to.

With him gone, she realized that while she still didn't know much about Arashi-san, she knew even less about Sasuke.

Ino hadn't known, though, that Sasuke hadn't been as far off as she had thought he was. He had always been right beside her, in a sense. Following her constantly to find out how her brain worked, picking it apart. At first, he hadn't been pleased to see her with another man (boy.) But he had come to not mind so much; she hadn't shown an interest in the blonde newcomer. Only for him. She had gone out to find him, after all. She cared about her appearance, because she hadn't wanted anyone (him in particular) to know that she was looking for Sasuke. In a way, it was rather touching.

But Sasuke still wondered if she was color-blind.

To Be Continued.

Whee, another chap, another dollar. Wait, that's not allowed on this site. Nevermind. Sorry if this is lame. I sort of tried. A little bit. Kind of.

Jeez. The last two, well, three, chapters of Naruto were pretty freakin hilarious. That new guy...what's his name? Ran or Sai or something? He's my new favorite. As soon as we learn something more about him, I've definitely gotta write a fanfic on him.

Wow, that made me feel...like a dork. A dorky loser. As if writing/reading fanfiction obsessively doesn't already make me a weirdo.

Reviews!

Meinos877: W-wowza that was fast! Cookie time for you! I wasn't really mad. I just felt like snipping at you. Sorry. Anyway, thanks for the support and cheers long live NaruxIno! (Except for when I read/write other pairing which I also love!) Congrats for being my newest reviews often reader!

deathrosekitty: I just might do those alternate endings. That is...if I remember what they were. And that I wanted them. But just my luck...I forgot everything I wrote once I posted it. Heehee, yes, both of Sakura's parents have pink hair. Where else would she get it from? (Well...I just thought it would be funny. Hey, it's anime, it can't be that unusual. They don't show us what they look like anyway) Plus, Ino's parents are both blonde. It makes designing new characters easier.

The dark icon writers: There're so many things that could be done...ninja style. So. Many. Things. Everyone should eat...ninja style pizza. Though, in the Naruto world, I guess that would be okonomiyaki? (Something like that.) And they should eat the ninja-style-pizza ninja-style. Thanks for liking the last chapter! I didn't really like it much myself.

Shells: Thanks for liking Ino! No one said anything about her, so I don't think they really noticed her beyond the way she usually is. And it's good that you can predict what would happen, because otherwise this would be (more) boring than it might be. I don't really plan on making Sasuke be all rapey and lecherous in this fic which some people probably thought I would, but I already told everyone Sasuke's plans, didn't I?

BlackAdder42: Ha. The twists keep on coming. Because I have NO idea what I'm doing. Every single plan I had was shot to hell. And I'm glad that you'll be keeping an eye on this, because I hope you won't get frustrated with all the interference between Naruto and Ino (who, still, technically haven't met up yet!) Your support keeps me going, thanks for reviewing!

the chosen one: I'll update, I'll update, jeezie peazie! This is the only fic I am updating right now since my others are done or on hiatus. Glad you like it, I was getting worried that not many people were since I didn't get much feedback (huh, I really didn't notice, all that bitching just showed up all on its own...) I think everyone was pulling a me and mostly not reviewing until there were more chapters, because this is the most I've gotten.

Achalon: ...does that mean you don't like the weirdness? sigh Hey...can I...you know...throw darts at those little cartoon hearts? Will they pop? Hey, someone should make a game with a person, who has cartoon hearts floating around their head, and the player should have a bunch of darts to throw at them, and they lose points when they miss and hit the person. And then the person should be all like 'ow! Man, that hurt!' and they should bruise or bleed or something. Wait. I bet someone already thought that up, though.

Review, por favor!


	7. Mountain Warriors!

Disclaimer: I do own Naruto and its characters. (Leaving the 'not' out was intentional. You see, they were selling Naruto this week on Ebay and I bought it for three dollars.)

Chapter Seven: Mountain Warriors

"Oi, oi, Arashi!"

Arashi kept right on walkin'.

"OI!" Charge!

"Oomph!" Crash.

Poke. Shift. "You're really bony, Arashi."

"...get off." Growl.

"I mean it! You really are, I mean, your hip bone could sever my leg in half!" Joke. Laugh.

Frown. "And it wouldn't if you would _refrain_ from _jumping _on _me._"

"Touchy." Defensive.

"It would be less touchy feely if you would GET OFF!" Angry!

"Yikes!" Fearful.

Konohamaru leaped off his new teammate. He couldn't help it that he jumped all over people; it wasn't his fault that he was a wuss. Wait! Wuss? Why would he think that he was a wuss?

"Arashi, you bastard! Stop using genjutsu on me!"

"I would if you would stop stalking me all the time, Konohamaru." Arashi stood and brushed of his pants while chiding Konohamaru in that patronizing, yet demeaning way.

"We need to train! The chuunin exams–!" Konohamaru blurted out.

"Will not happen for three months. As in, three. Two more than one. And for kami's sake, _you _need to train until you can beat me, and I need to work until I earn enough money to pay my rent. You see, those of us who live on our own have bills to pay." Arashi lectured.

Konohamaru pouted. When he wasn't on one of his 'I must work' trips, Arashi could be a pretty cool guy. And a great ninja; having him on the team would greatly improve Konohamaru's odds of graduating.

But the fact remained, Arashi was still obsessed with work, and it was working-time. Konohamaru strongly suspected he just hung around the Tower to see the Hokage. Who was thirty-five years his senior, at least.

It was quite easy to forget, with his adult-attitude, that Arashi was still only sixteen. Which was a mere four years older than Konohamaru, who was twelve. Incidentally, this was the same age at which his rival, Naruto had participated. Well, Konohamaru would graduate his first attempt where Naruto had failed, and show it off when that moron came back from wherever he was! Finally, he was gaining on his rival!

"Hey, just what makes you think you're good enough to pass! I know the greatest ninja ever, and he took it, and even he didn't pass the test! We need to train!"

"We will. Later. After I get off work. In three hours, okay?" Arashi seemed to have softened. See? He wasn't all boring adult know-how! "I'm going."

"Fine! Well I'm gonna train so I'll be better when you get off!"

"Yeah, just don't tire yourself out," Arashi noted that Konohamaru seemed to do that a lot. He turned. "See ya." _Stupid kid_.

"Ha! I'll beat you yet, slacker!"

_Real stupid._

_-_

"Arashi-kun" Tsunade sang as she waltzed over to his desk and rested her hip on its edge.

The boy looked up from his work. "...Yes, Tsunade-hime?"

The woman slyly dragged her finger over the tabletop in a girlish fashion. Seductively, you might say. "Well, you seee..."

"Ah-um..."

"I need you to do me a teensy, weensy, tiny little favor..." she stated in a wheedling tone.

"I'm kind of booked right now, Tsunade-hime, if it's really important..." He hedged. The others in the office (filing reports) glared at him. Didn't he know that a boy as lucky as to have gained the lovely lady Hokage's attention could never, ever, on any condition turn her down?

"Oh, it is..."

"...really? You mean it?" Oh, how wonderful it was to be able to argue (sort of) with her.

"It's an S class."

"S CLASS!"

"Shh! Do you want everyone to hear?"

"Well, in my defense everyone here is a ninja anyway, so they wouldn't have any problems listening in..."

"Genjutsu, little boy. You should have recognized it, you use it often enough."

His breath caught momentarily. Not enough to be noticed. "Yeah. Yeah I should have."

"Anyway, the mission. This is a very important mission."

"So I hear. S class, right?"

"Right. And I wouldn't entrust it to anyone else." _More like I can't._

"So why would you give a lowly genin like me an S class mission?"

"Because. You fit the job description."

"And just what is this job?"

"You'll be impersonating Uzumaki Naruto. You know, that guy you hear about ten times a day, cause all those chuunin and jounin come in to check his status."

"He's missing."

"That's correct."

"But he's not a missing nin."

"That's correct as well."

"Interesting."

Tsunade bristled. "He's like family to me. I'm sure he wouldn't run off without a good reason."

"So why am I impersonating him?"

"I'm sure you know that in a number of days the Kazekage will be arriving in Konoha."

"I am. Who isn't? It's a very controversial subject on the outside."

"Maybe you do know, maybe you don't, but he was a close friend of Naruto's."

"I didn't."

"He was. He set aside a certain amount of time to spend with him, in fact. And I'm sure from what you've heard of the Kazekage, you can infer what will happen when Naruto isn't here."

"He'll assume the worst, and blow us up."

"Yeah. So will you do it?"

"I guess I have no choice. Time to prove my loyalty, ne?"

"Ne!" Tsunade stared at Arashi. Dreamily.

"...so can I get my mission briefing anytime soon?...seeing as the Kazekage will be here in a matter of days...you see, I can't impersonate a person I know nothing about..." Arashi inquired nervously. That Tsunade-hime could be very creepy at times.

"Oh, yeah!" She stuck her hand down her shirt and rummaged around until she came up with an extensive file on one Uzumaki Naruto. "We have a lot of history to cover, don't we? Keep in mind that some of this will kept strictly confidential. Or the elders will kill you."

"But you won't?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You're too handsome to kill, Arashi-kun!" Wait. Eeeeeeewwwwweeee.

"If you say so, Tsunade-hime..." the (way too young for her) man stood and began to find a suitable location for the very important documents.

"Wait! I forgot to tell you something!" The busty woman waved her arms frantically, like a student in the genin academy who knew just the right answer.

"Eh?"

"You'll be in the mountains for the next two weeks!"

"EEH!" gaping ensued. "TW-TWO WEEKS?"

"Yes. Practicing being Naruto-kun."

"TW-TWO WEEKS!"

"Erm. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff there, you know..."

"TW-TWO WEEKS!"

"...two weeks, yes..." Tsunade panicked slightly. She refused to be responsible for this stammering phase her newest employee seemed to be going through.

"TW-TWO—" But Arashi was stopped cold.

"Yeah, I get the idea already! Two weeks, no more, no less!" Tsunade fumed and planted her fists in the tabletop.

"...but I have to train..."

Sighing was all that escaped from Tsunade's cherry hued lips. Except for...this! "You'll be able to train. Just avoid fighting while the Kazekage is around, or he's bound to notice when your style is different."

"Konohamaru isn't going to like this..."

"Moron, just use your genjutsu! I know you're good at it, I saw you use it to trick that jounin into clearing out Hino-san's garden for you!"

_It's just a good thing he's a hottie. _Tsunade thought as she left.

-

Arashi stood in his small apartment. Small. But it was still his.

The muted sound of the television bleared in the background, on and off. An explosion and gunfire.

He looked at his gently-used couch, his immaculate carpets. He caressed the graffiti-free walls, the brand-new dishes. The full refrigerator with its modern gadgets. Stain-free, good smells. Not like the lousy sleazy cheezy part of town. Arashi walked into his sunny room, with the clean clothes still littering the floors until he decided to put them into his shiny-new bureau.

Arashi picked up his travel-bag and rolled some clothes (to save space), enough for the week, before laying them gently into the darkness. He planned what he would need to impersonate 'Naruto', mentally reviewed his schedule and checked to make sure he still had the file. His premiere orange outfit would be provided, Tsunade had told him.

With kunai on his mind, Arashi walked over to his high-end weapons cabinet (a housewarming gift from his Hokage-dear) and selectively stored what he needed. Just about done, it seemed.

When he exited his room sunny-side up, it was to meet his more irate teammate. Konohamaru glared spitefully at Arashi, as if to question why he should suffer like this. Arashi didn't reply; his silence was answer enough in and of itself.

Konohamaru loosened his posture, letting his arms drop to his sides. His eyes softened, like telling Arashi that he would let him go. Under one firm condition.

Konohamaru would go with Arashi. Had he not the right to go with his teammate, the one who would pose as his secret idol, the hero?

They held their duffels over their shoulders. Arashi picked up the remote and turned of the TV.

The silence was deafening and filled the flat until Arashi thought it would burst.

The apartment felt more hollow than ever.

Timetable: Six days before the arrival of Sabaku no Gaara.

To Be Continued.

Wow, that wrote faster than the others. I finished in two days. Maybe it was the dialogue? Or that it's shorter than the rest? Ne way, I hope I get more reviews for this chapter than the last...which was one. It made me cry.

Anyway, deathrosekitty...waah, I was going to respond with the super cool messaging system but you weren't signed in! Oh well, you make me break my promises...no, I haven't seen Ino's mother. ...Have you? What does she look like? What's her name? Please, if you know, I'm dying here, I have no idea what to call her and I'm assuming that she's blonde. Ermm..Sasuke is referring to when she walked by the Uchiha compound looking for him. Remember, Sasuke is seeing it in black and white, kind of, with red blood all over the place. (No, that was not figurative.) So, she's not all shocked or anything, so Sasuke's being Sasuke. Everyone else is stupider than him.

IMPORTANTE! Now, I hope that by now, everyone realizes that Arashi isn't an OC. I'll give you a chapter before I blab the obviousness to you. (I'm afraid that my lowness of reviews last chap was because everyone thought I was going the way of the dreaded OC author...I promise, I would never do that to you! Unless I was doing a parody of some kind.)

Anyhow, live, read, review. REVIEW OR I'LL CRY.


	8. Youth and Love Make For A Lousy Mission!

Disclaimer: Sorry. Last time the disclaimer stated that I bought Naruto on Ebay, but it was just a fake. So, not quite yet. But resign yourself to the eventuality that I will, one day, be the Sole Owner of Naruto and all of it's characters! GaHaHaHaHa!

Chapter Eight: Youth and Love Make For a Lousy Mission!

Timetable: Five days before the arrival of Sabaku no Gaara.

_Sakura-kun..._

"Sakura-kun, my lovely lovely apprentice, do I have a mission for you!" Tsunade, the much-esteemed Hokage of Konohagakure...squealed.

"Really? What is it? Is it a B-class?" Sakura assumed her cutest pose, with her knees slightly bent and turned in, and her neatly painted (nails) hands clasped together eagerly.

"No! But because you love me and, living very very much, you'll do it anyway!" Tsunade was still super-duper excited.

"...Does it pay B-class?" Sakura deflated. She really, really needed that money.

"No again! But it does pay C-class!" Hell no. C-class was not an option. Sakura could not rent an apartment on a C-class salary.

"...Tsunade-hime, I would really love to, but you see, I can't afford such a low class mission at the moment..."

"Really? Why not?" Tsunade asked expectantly. And waited patiently.

Sakura flushed and pushed her pointer-fingers together in a very Hinata-ish way. "You, you see, I'm moving out. My parents seem to think I'm getting to that age when I should strike out on my own, you see, and I need the money to pay the rent on an apartment and the initial deposit, so..."

Tsunade kept on staring. And waiting. Patiently.

"So...I can't do it..." Sakura was starting to get the idea that she should back away. Sloooooowwlllyyyyy.

"Oh, Sakura-chaaan, I'm so glad that you can help! Come on, I'll tell you everything that you need to know!" Tsunade grabbed the cotton-candy brain and dragged her into her office.

"But, I can't!" _Grr! That overbearing bitch! Who the hell does she think she is! What the fuck is her problem! _

"So, this is the mission, Sakura! You'll be going into the mountains for two weeks! Your excuse is, that Naruto was on a training mission with you! And you got a little held up because of a storm!" Tsunade babbled excitedly.

"But Naruto ran away. Hokage-sama." _Is that old bat-brain sane?_

"I know! But you don't really want to see what happens when the Kazekage doesn't find his little crush here, do you? No. You don't. So Arashi-kun will go with you into the mountains with a few others to be schooled in the art of being Naruto! Eh, eh?" Tsunade nudged Sakura in the ribs with her elbow.

_What does she want? A cookie!_ "Wow, Tsunade-hime, you're a genius! That's a great idea!" Sakura smiled cutely.

_At least I can postpone looking for an apartment, anyway. _

"I knew you'd agree with me!" Tsunade grinned. And slunk up to Sakura to put her arm around the other girl's shoulder. "And I know you'll agree with me on this. You don't make one single move on Arashi-kun, kapeesh? And no one else does either. Or I'll get upset, ne?"

"Ne!" Sakura quivered. Tsunade-hime really was as perverted as Jiraya and Orochimaru, with their drawings and their long creepy tongues...!

"Good."

-

"Ino" An enticing voice rang throughout the house. Like strawberries. Ino loved strawberries.

She stuck her head through the doorway. "Yes?" Her mother waved cheerily. "Doh." _Damn, I fell into the trap._

"Ino-chaaan! Whatever are you doing? You should be packing!" Her mother scolded sweetly.

Ino simply didn't understand. Packing? Why packing...? "eh?"

"Don't be stuuu-pid. Didn't you hear? Kakashi-kun is going on a mission in the mountains!" the woman cooed.

"...so? All that means is that he won't be here. Why do I care?" Ino deadpanned. But she couldn't shake the feeling that something not good was about to happen.

"..." Ino's mother paused for effect. "Sakura will be there. Most of the rookie nine, some from the year before. It's a training mission, for a ninja posing as Uzumaki Naruto. He's been missing."

Ino's mother frowned before continuing. "The Kazekage will be arriving in a few days. They were friends, weren't they?"

Ino was still baffled. "Well, I don't know about friends, but definitely acquaintances..."

"We have orders not to mention that Uzumaki is missing. The Kazekage can't even suspect that he isn't here; a candidate has been chosen to impersonate him, so the people closest to him will be taking a trip for the next week or so until it is time for them to meet."

"...so?"

"I want you to go too. I won't have you losing to that Haruno girl too. You knew Uzumaki, didn't you?"

"Not really. We spoke once or twice, but he's closer to Shikamaru and Chouji." _Cause they left me behind on that mission to rescue Sasuke._

"Too bad. Even if you're oninactive status and not assigned, I want you to go. Say they could use some input from someone not so close."

"But..." Too late. Her mother was already gone.

Ino realized, that if the group consisted of people close to Naruto, that Sasuke would probably be going as well.

No way in hell would she lose him to that Haruno girl.

-

Arashi stood at the gates. Waiting. Now, don't assume that he's bored, just because he's waiting. He was waiting with Konohamaru, too. So, Arashi and Konohamaru are waiting together. For everyone who knew Naruto to arrive.

With a poof and a yell, the first of the troupe arrived. "Yosh! The first of the precious people, arrives with the fire of youth! Rock Lee!" The bowl-headed youth struck a pose and the sunlight glinted off of his smile.

"Hey Lee-san," Konohamaru waved sluggishly. Arashi looked confusedly at him; surely, that was no way to greet an acquaintance.

"Hello, Rock Lee-san," he greeted with a warm smile. "I am Nakatima Arashi. I assume you have been briefed on the mission?"

Lee grinned ferally. "I see you are the one hoping to deceive Gaara. I shall warn you, this is not an easy task. However, with the fire and passion of youth, perhaps the youthful and passionate Kazekage will find it within his hear-mind to grant his forgiveness upon the whole matter."

Konohamaru sighed. And he had been hoping for Lee to _not _get started on the virtues of youth.

Arashi, on the other hand, appeared intrigued. Which made sense; after all, he didn't have any experience with the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha, Jr.

"I hope you'll be able to assist with that, Rock-san," Arashi began, only to be interrupted.

"But of course, Youth will triumph, with me at your side, Arashi-san! It shall be difficult, but I will help you achieve your goal and spare the beautiful green and youthful village from the wrath of the wronged Gaara, but I, the flame of youth, shall do it! You shall never be the ninja that Uzumaki Naruto is, and always will be, because his is only missing for the present time, but with this mission, you will gain a measure of insight of what it means to be truly grate! The life of-" Lee continued to Arashi's chagrin. It seemed he would never stop. Never ever ever ever ever...

I hate it. I hate that he won't stop. Stop it. Stop talking about Naruto!

"Unn..." Konohamaru sighed. This was all his stupid teammate's fault. _Must work on perfecting my ninja senses while Lee blathers..._

_Crunch._ A slight vibration reverberated through the ground, hardly enough to notice even if one was paying attention. And Konohamaru was only a genin, had been for six months until he joined up with Arashi and Moegi to compete in the chuunin exams.

Lee, on the other hand, was a jounin and did notice. He broke off his spiel, "Neji-kun! I have beat you, my rival!"

Cooly, the Hyuuga inclined his head. "Hai, Lee."

Lee only became more fired. "How hip! How cool, admitting your defeat so easily and offhandedly! You truly are worthy of being my rival!"

Neji quirked an eyebrow. "Idolizing Gai-san does not demand identity theft, Lee."

Sputtering, Lee tried to protest. He was not stealing the passionate and youthful identity of Gai-sensei! "Lee, say something useful and not annoying." Lee fell over. "Good enough."

Arashi took advantage of the Green Beast's distraction to move away and watch for other arrivals. Soon, he found himself constantly jumping as various shinobi appeared with little warning.

In addition to Neji-san (Arashi had been listening to Lee yell his name) and Lee-san, a boy with a dog, a boy with a ponytail, and a boy with a weight problem soon appeared.

From the documents Arashi had received, they were Inuzuka Kiba, Nara Shikamaru, and Akimichi Chouji.

Cautiously, Arashi began to wave, unsure of whether they would be as weird as Lee-san. Before he could complete the motion, the Inuzuka waved and called, "Yo, Uchiha!" The enormous dog beside him yipped.

Arashi began to blush in embarrassment, and turned around. He hadn't even been aware that anyone was back there.

A solemn eyed boy, a few inches taller than him, glared back. Arashi pursed his lips, and hesitantly grinned by way of greeting. Meanwhile, Kiba strolled up to Arashi's now-turned back.

"Hm. I don't see it." Arashi jumped.

"Huh?" he exclaimed.

"Well, Tsunade-sama said you would be dressing up as Naruto, but I don't see the resemblance. Sure, you're blonde and all, but other than that, you don't look much like him." Kiba informed him critically. Arashi was struck speechless. He didn't look like Naruto? What the fuck? He did, too!

"Don't listen to him. He's just being troublesome." The Nara cut in before Kiba could find an excuse to get violent. Icha Icha style. (Just kidding.)

"Hhhhaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiii..."Arashi trailed off and rolled his eyes. Kiba frowned. So rude.

"Hey, I'm Chouji." The big one said. After wiping his chip-encrusted hand, he offered it to Arashi. "No hard feelings, ne?"

"Ne..."

"Don't worry about it. We'll make sure you can pull off the 'Uzumaki' style." Chouji assured.

Kiba moved over to Sasuke. "Hey," he leaned over and whispered. Sasuke shifted irritably. Why was he so close? "Hey, you don't like him either, do you? Right, Sasuke? I don't trust him. Everyone else does, but not me, yanno? What do you think?"

Sasuke grumbled and answered, not whispering, but in a low voice. "I don't think anything, Inuzuka. I like him as much as I like you. Not much." He shot a heated glare at his once-classmate.

Kiba wilted, but stiffened his shoulders and offered a grin. "Hey, whatever, man. Think what you want. But Naruto was your teammate, you shouldn't get too close to the person trying to be him."

Sasuke glared again, but didn't respond.

Arashi seemed to be getting along well with the others.

-

Fifteen minutes later, the girls arrived.

Sakura and Hinata were seen several minutes in advance, walking steadily while carrying their belongings, not half as eager to show off their ninja prowess as their male counterparts.

Sakura kept a professional attitude when introducing herself and Hinata to Arashi; one never knew when Tsunade was watching from that awful crystal ball of hers. Hinata heeded every one of Sakura's warnings against getting too close to the new boy; yet she was still curious to see who would be attempting to play the part of her admired.

When Hinata first caught that glimpse of golden blonde hair, she was momentarily confused. Was it really him? Was it Naruto-kun? It certainly looked like Naruto. A second look later denied her previous assumptions; sure, Arashi-san looked a lot like Naruto, being blonde, of the same height, with the same build and facial structure. But he was missing so many of the things that made Naruto _Naruto_.

The cheeky marks scarring his face.

The shine in his eyes.

The ability to say and do what he wanted without feeling wrong or embarrassed.

Sakura was thinking much along the same lines;

The facial markings were definitely missing.

His face didn't seem as stupidly and annoyingly happy.

He didn't act like an immature dumbass.

"Is that everyone?" Arashi asked. It certainly seemed like a lot of people were here, so they should get going as soon as possible.

Several people in the crown groaned; the most prominent was Sakura. "Kakashi-sensei's still not here yet. He's always so late!" Sakura punched at the air. "We still have another two hours before we can start looking for him to be here."

Arashi raised a golden eyebrow. "Two hours? A shinobi can be that late?"

"You have no idea, Arashi-san."

The group settled down for a good, long wait. Kakashi-sensei would probably be even later than usual for a mission like this.

-

Ino huffed and puffed. And huffed and puffed. She hoped she wasn't late!

No! She refused to be late! Being late was not an option!

But these bags were so heavy...

Oh, the trials of being a woman. Even for a week she must pack supplies, makeup, toiletries, clothing...it weighed so much...

Of course, it probably wouldn't have been half as bad if it hadn't been her mother that packed her luggage. Urrh. That woman was notorious for going overboard. Not that Ino really minded. Overboard...might just work to her advantage, this one time.

"Haah, haaah, heavy," Ino panted. No, no no no! She was not sweating like a pig, she was not! But still, she was thankful that it was fall and not summer. It wasn't that hot, right? All she really needed was a short rest.

Picking up her feet again, Ino commenced pounding towards the main gate. Kakashi-san (the bastard) was renowned for his lateness. So if he stuck to his normal schedule, Ino just might make it. Make it to Sasuke in time.

Ooh, damn it all!

-

Forty-five minutes later, Arashi and his training squad were still at the main gates. Waiting. And this time, they were definitely bored. Lee was practicing advanced kata; Sakura and Shikamaru had deteriorated to playing tic-tac-toe in the dirt. Neji and Sasuke seemed to be having an I'm-cooler-than-you contest, leaning against the wall and pretending to be more relaxed yet on-guard at the same time. Kiba attempted to join in, but ended up only looking like he was looking at everyone in turn. Chouji continued...training (eating), and Arashi and Konohamaru talked strategies and training schedules for the upcoming examinations. Hinata slumped on the ground and worried over how they were going to pull off making Arashi-san into a convincing Naruto.

When the crackling of twigs and scattering of gravel sounded, they were only too happy for the distraction. So when Ino finally crested the horizon with sweat dripping from her brow and several packs hanging from her slight frame, everyone was staring at her with an intent expression.

Ino slowed down, a little upset that everyone was looking at her. Were they sizing her up, mocking her for being out of practice? Well, more than out of practice. Right now, Ino was little better than a civilianwho had taken self-defense courses. Which would be entirely pointless in a ninja village, where almost everyone was stronger than that and the only thing that could defeat a shinobi was another shinobi.

"Hey, Ino-san!" Arashi jumped at the opportunity to have a moments distraction. Everyone else was still in shock.

Just why, they asked themselves, was Yamanaka Ino here? There was nowhere a teenage girl could be going allon her own with so many napsacks. Unless...

"Ino-pig, this is a _shinobi _mission. You're not one, so you can't be here." Sakura jibed. No way. Not piggy girl ruining her vacation.

Sakura's barbed comment bit through Ino's civilian-thin skin, and she shrank for a moment. Of course, this was a shinobi mission, whether there was not to be fighting or not, and she had no place being there. Sasuke would think she was stupid anyway.

Sasuke. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! Even if you think I'm stupid, I've got to try! If you don't like this, you don't like me, either, so I might as well take a chance!

Ino lifted her head high. She knew why she was here, and she knew her excuse! She would not fail!

"Sakura-san," she stated formally, "I know you all think I'm useless. But I want to help Naruto, and the village. You don't know, maybe you need the help of someone who didn't know Naruto very well. And you're not the team leader, so you don't have the authority to tell me to leave."

Behind his bangs, behind the group, Sasuke smirked. Perfect. Candidate. So noble. So aristocratic.

"...Our team leader is not here." Neji informed them, before Sakura's explosive temper could get the better of them. "Kakashi-san has yet to arrive for over an hour."

Sakura jerked her face away. That...pig. Bitch. The nerve of her, assuming that she was welcome. Kakashi-sensei wouldn't stand for it. And...how dare she take the high road like that, just to make Sakura look bad. Now, everyone must think that Ino was some sort of mature woman, the kind worthy of being a kunoichi, and that Sakura was just some lame wanna-be.

"Hmn." She mumbled, there wasn't much more she could do, without making some sort of scene.

The group, now one person larger, waited. And waited. And waited.

-

Bam. Thud. No, not really. Just a pop, with a puff of smoke. As soon as he appeared, Kakashi surveyed the group, to see that everyone was there.

Test subje-err, Arashi, check.

Sasuke and Sakura, check.

Kiba and Hinata, check.

Neji and Lee. Check.

Shikamaru, Chouji, and Ino, check, check, check.

Wait. Ino wasn't assigned to this mission. She wasn't even a ninja anymore! What was she doing here? Seeing Shikamaru off? All the rumors said that she had had a soft spot for the Nara during their genin days.

"...Well, it seems everyone is here. And then some." Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. What a headache. Sakura hadn't even yelled at him. Even without Naruto, he had still expected her to keep up the tradition of reprimanding his lateness.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Ah, there it was. The whining, angry wrath of Sakura.

"Kakashi-sensei! Ino showed up here, saying she's going with us, but this isn't authorized, she can't come with us! Tell her that!" Sakura ran up to him, nearly crying. Ok, so she wasn't pissy about his late entrance. At least there was some symmetry going on here.

"Hmm." He mused. Well... "Ino-san. Come with me." Ino moved from her position by Arashi, all the while glaring balefully at him. But she followed Kakashi out of hearing range, and that was what counted.

They stood silently for a few moments, Ino glaring in the direction of the bustling village and Kakashi looking at her thoughtfully. "...I'll assume there's a reason why you're here." He began after a few moments.

Ino shifted her gaze back to him. The tension in the air was as tight as the stiff muscles of Sasuke's neck and shoulders. "Yes."

She didn't feel that she could lie to him. Kakashi was older, wiser than her. He was a ninja. There was no way he wouldn't see through her tricks. Worse, she didn't know his stance on her parent's marriage proposition.

"Are you going to explain?" Ah. The parental approach. How kind of him.

"Well..." Ino thought. Kakashi was a tricky one to lie for; she couldn't lie to obviously, but she needed to be pathetic enough to get what she wanted. He was tougher than the other adults.

"My mother wanted me to come. I mean, I didn't want to at first, because I'm done with being a shinobi. But then I thought, this wasn't really a mission that I needed to be really skilled at, see?" Ino toed the ground. "So I decided that I wanted to help out. Besides, my mom had already packed."

"That does sound like your mother," Kakashi processed the new information. Something was definitely up, but it didn't seem like it would interfere. Besides... "You can come. But you have to help with the cooking so the rest of us can train Arashi. And ourselves, of course." _Plus you have to make those cinnamon buns..._

Ino gasped. "Really? Thank you so much, Kakashi-san!" Hot dog! She could go and show off her cooking prowessfor Sasuke!

"Errm, just call me Kakashi."

It didn't occur to Ino that such familiarity could be bad. She didn't really _know _that her mother was planning on marrying her off, to Kakashi no less. And she didn't know that Kakashi was considering it.

-

Ino skipped back to where everyone was waiting. Arashi cheered, Chouji offered her some chips, and Hinata shyly said that she was glad another girl would be coming along. Shikamaru sighed, but smirked and Lee grinned and posed like a Nice Guy. Neji nodded in acknowledgement and Kiba with Akamaru by his side yipped and congratulated her.

Sakura grimly wondered why everything seemed to not be going her way this week.

Sasuke leaned into himself and grinned eerily so that no one could see. He was as happy as he had ever been. This was an unexpected boon.

Dobe, you're not as useless as you look, are you?

TO BE CONTINUED.

Fuck, that took way too long to write for it's length. This chapter's twelve pages without the disclaimer, etc. and it took over a week to write. Good thing I wrote this ahead of time, ne? (I wrote this around the time I released chapter six. And a little before I re-released it.)

Anyway, off to work on the next chap for my other fic which if you like this pairing you probably wouldn't read!

Review, por favor! (Jeez, those spanish classes are messing with my mind.)


	9. You're All Wrong and Holiday Special

1Merry Holiday Time! As a present, you can all give me reviews! I left you all a gift at the bottom! And this is a funny chap, too! Double gift!

Warning: There's cheese in this chapter. But don't worry, it doesn't stay that way. Well, it sort of does, but its funny. Anyway, this is my favorite thus far. Almost. Well, no, but I find it humorous.

Disclaimer: I could sing you all a song. But then I'd have to copyright it. That would be a pain. Trust me, if I ever owned Naruto, I don't now, because I was to lazy to copyright it before everyone else.

Chapter 9: You're All Wrong

Time Table: (still) Five Days before the arrival of Sabaku no Gaara.

_Yippee Skippy. They walked on a trail, tramped through brush. Some leaped from branch to branch. Some glared in a sad attempt to intimidate. Sasuke didn't. Now, such things were below him. He walked by Ino, was cornered by Sakura. Eventually, they came to the cabin that they would call home for a little over the next two weeks. It was quite large; it was the Hokage's retreat manse. Simple yet satisfying. The girls oohed and aahed at the professionally decorated house, and set about organizing their belongings in the most advantageous rooms possible. The boys sighed at their behavior, set their bags down in rooms on the other side of the house, and went outside to train for the rest of the afternoon. _

Ino stood in the kitchen, washing dishes from the snacks that she had taken out earlier as a makeshift lunch. A group of genin had, presumably, been sent in to clean the building, wash the dust from the dishes, and to restock the refrigerator. She could hear the clash of shuriken and fists coming from outside. They were getting to know Arashi's fighting style.

She finished drying the last of the dishes and smiled. The domestic life was getting to her; it suited her well. She liked being able to defend and support her friends from the sidelines. It was where she belonged anyway. She was useless in the field.

After stacking the plates in the cupboard, Ino walked over to the fridge and surveyed the food supply. Enough for two weeks, easily. It was time to begin planning.

-

"That's not how you do it. You're too efficient, you need to run with more energy." Sasuke ordered. For now, they were recreating Naruto's fight in the chuunin exams with Kiba.

"Too efficient! Aren't ninjas supposed to be efficient! The files never said anything about being inefficient!" Arashi protested.

"Naruto...never was one for speed. Every once in a while, he was good for a plan, he got better, too, but he was always one for a head-on fight." Kakashi informed from behind his book.

"Yeah, I remember him screwing up the most obvious plans," Sakura added.

Kakashi coughed. "Anou...his plans have a flamboyancy. His techniques use a lot of chakra and stamina, which is why they are unusual. Naruto has a lot of chakra, due to the demon fox inside of him, so unlike other ninja, he can afford to expend an ungodly amount of chakra on a small portion of a battle."

Sasuke nodded in agreement. "I don't expect that you'll be fighting too much with Gaara around, but none of us know what to expect. Keep your guard up."

"Guard?" Why on earth would he do that around one of his friends?

"Sabaku no Gaara could still be unstable. We don't know if he's still under the influence of Shukaku or not, despite what Sunaga says. He might be coming back for a rematch."

"...a week-long rematch?" Arashi said sarcastically. Honestly, who would do something that stupid? Shinobi battles barely lasted a half hour, hour maximum.

"Hey, don't argue with them, they know more than you do, ya moron," Kiba snarled. The nerve of that bastard. Thinking he could be Naruto with that attitude.

"Kiba, it's good for him to ask questions." Neji soothed.

Shikamaru scoffed from the tree. "If we're only going to talk, we might as well go inside. We should sort out what would be the best to teach Arashi-san first anyway."

"Shikamaru's right. Let's...go inside." Kakashi consented.

Chouji lingered while Shikamaru climbed down from the tree branch.

"I'm going to get a snack," Chouji patted his belly. He was almost out of chips. He needed more filling stuff.

"You always want a snack," Shikamaru sighed. "Just make sure you don't eat out the kitchen. It would be troublesome for Ino to have to go back to the village."

Chouji snickered. "Since when do you care about Ino's welfare? Shika-kun?"

Shikamaru grimaced. "She's our teammate, you moron. She's also our friend. Even if she is a bitch sometimes. You've said the same stuff too, you know."

"Yeah, but you never teased me about it." Chouji giggled hysterically. Yes, he had called Ino a bitch.

"Stop being a pain!"

-

It was dark.

"Ok, here's the plan."

"We eat lots and lots of ramen."

"...Chouji, stop interfering with my planning."

"You're just jealous, because my plan's better than whatever your's was."

"...no it wasn't..." _yes it was..._

"Hah! Prove it!" Chouji snorted into his chips.

Kakashi grunted and ran his hand through his hair. He stood and fidgeted. Then scuffed his ninja sandles on the ground. And adjusted his pants. In addition to hitching up his mask–

"Quit biding time and prove it!" Chouji shrieked. Every one else in the room was visibly twitching because of Kakashi's procrastination.

"...I was going to say that we should write an autobiography of Naruto and have Arashi read it." Kakashi relented. How embarrassing.

"Bwa! Your idea sucks, Kakashi!" Chouji howled, stray crumbs spewing from his lips.

"That's sensei to you, you jerk! I'm still a jounin!" Kakashi snarled.

"Speaking of ramen..." The lights clicked on. Ino walked into the sitting room (dubbed the Super-Mysterious Planning Room by Kakashi) with a tray full of bowls...which were full of steaming hot miso ramen. "I thought we could start off with a meal in honor of Naruto, seeing as this mission is all about him."

"Wow, you certainly put forth a lot of effort," Sakura snidely commented.

"I try." Ino countered. Sasuke smirked.

They decided to stay in the sitting room (SUPER MYSTERIOUS PLANNING ROOM) for dinner. Ino sat down so she wouldn't have to listen in from the kitchen.

"So, I was thinking," Chouji slurped down a healthy mouthful of noodles, "we should have Arashi go through a few days, like Naruto would have. We have his entire team here, right? So we simulate his pathetic adoration of Sakura and Sasuke," At this point, Arashi snorted. (What? The files never said anything about adoration!) "Ahem. Adoration of Sakura and Sasuke, so he can get into the personality thingy."

"..." Shikamaru quirked an eyebrow. "That's not half bad, Chouji. Kakashi, you should write his schedule down."

Kakashi quirked an eyebrow of his own. "And what makes you think that _I _would know Naruto's schedule?"

Shikamaru quirked his eyebrow some more. He smirked, too. "Don't think we don't know why you were always late. You hung around your students houses to see what they did. It's kinda sad, you're so insecure."

Kakashi was stupefied. So was everyone else.

Sasuke recovered first. He loomed over his former sensei, the steaming aura of death permeating the air around him "Spying?" he warbled.

"N-no, you got it all wrong, Sasuke–"

"You were watching us!" Sakura screeched. "Hentai!"

"No, Sakura, not that! Never!"

"What the hell is wrong with you!" His two students advanced upon him.

"Why would I waste my time spying on you for kicks? Reading is more interesting than you! I can score anytime I want!" Kakashi frantically denied. Jesus, did they think he was sick or something!

"HENTAI!" Sakura roared, and Kakashi was chased out of the house by Sakura, who was closely followed by Sasuke.

Arashi was still sitting stock-still. His brain was still catching up with his body.

_Ewww..._

-

It wasn't until an hour later when Sakura and Sasuke returned, ruffled but oozing satisfaction. Kakashi didn't. Neither teammate offered any information as to his whereabouts. Nor did anyone ask. Ino was mildly curious when she saw Sasuke and Sakura exit the forest when she was returning from the bathhouse, but reasoned that Kakashi was a seasoned ANBU, and Sakura and Sasuke's teacher. The reason he hadn't come back had to be from some quirk of his. Maybe he was still embarrassed.

She hoped that Kakashi-san didn't expect her to wait up for him.

Oh well, it's not like she would have anyway.

_Kakashi flitted through the woods, hoping that an anger-empowered Sasuke and Sakura wouldn't catch up to him. Run, run, he had to run!_

_Didn't they understand? He was only looking out for them, nothing perverted! It wasn't his fault that he was obsessive about his friends, if he could call his students friends. _

_Tree branch to tree branch. Duck behind bushes and stumps on the ground. No use, they were like a pack of wolves. Could they smell him, like dogs?_

_Fear ate at his insides. No, no, he didn't want them to chase him! That nightmare fear made his feet like lead, sticking to the ground, wobble from side to side. It was like his feet were urging each other to catch on debris. _

"_Ka-ka-shi, I'm gonna get you!" they sing-songed. Closer, closer they came. He tried to run faster, honestly he did, but he just couldn't do it. For every step he took, they took two more._

_Speed, speed up! Out of control, Kakashi, you're oh-so-fastness is killing you! Kakashi ran so fast, but felt so slow. He looked behind him and didn't see either of his students._

_Oh, no, Kakashi, this is the part where you turn around and they descend upon you to eat out your soul. Kakashi whipped his head towards the front. A tree was some twenty-odd paces before him. No time to stop, no where to turn. _

_Kakashi skidded into the tree with his arms open wide to soften to blow. He knocked into the vast trunk and gripped it in a hug, like a life support. _

_He tried to let go, but his arms just wouldn't release. Was the tree hugging him back? Did it love him, was it one of those spirit-trees who pined for a lover on the nights of full moons? _

"_Kakashi-sensei..." Sasuke and Sakura spun out of the cover of the trees. Their eyes gleamed hungrily. _

"_No! N-no!" Kakashi turned and grabbed hold of the tree with his back. "Don't!"_

"_We won't let you, sensei. How could you do that?" Sakura accused. _

"_You're wrong! Nara said it wrong!" _

"_I don't care, sensei!" Sasuke roared in a demon-voice. Sakura made to nail Kakashi with one of her chakra-powered punches. _

_Kakashi barely moved enough to avoid the hit, by sinking down to the ground. He could feel the splinters slicing into his neck through the fabric of his mask as Sakura's punch barreled through the tree trunk. _

_Get away. Get away now! Kakashi stumbled to his knees and scrambled away. The figures got smaller as the distance got greater, but one was only increasing in size. _

_Sasuke came after him, not willing to give up. "I'm gonna kill you, sensei!" His fingers hooked into the weapons pouch strapped to his thigh and came out with four shuriken. They thunked to the ground on the sides of Kakashi, one grazing his vest. _

"_How dare you get in my way, sensei!" Sasuke growled. "I'll kill you for that!" _

"_No, Sasuke!" Kakashi cried. He couldn't raise a hand against his student! He was weak, weak, a pathetic excuse for a ninja! But Sasuke still leapt into the air and Kakashi still hurled what felt like a thousand kunai at him._

_It wasn't supposed to escalate like that, to a deadly battle, but power-crazed Sasuke only became angrier as his teacher attempted to escape. _

_They clashed time and time again, Kakashi crying and Sasuke yelling. It was so wrong, shinobi weren't supposed to cry or yell, but to exhibit no emotion. So why did they do it?_

_He tried to escape. He wanted to. He couldn't. Anytime he did, he would see pink and Sakura was there to attack and block his way. Why couldn't he have had the gentle Hinata on his team?_

_In the end, it wasn't Kakashi that won the fight. He ended up defeated, lying on the forest floor, barely breathing. His clothes were ripped through, blood had splattered the ground in droves. He would have closed his eyes, but he was too tired. Exhausted. _

_-_

(Time Table: Four days before the Arrival of Sabaku no Gaara)

Outside in the trees, birds chirped and twittered. Ino cracked an eyelid. It was kind of sunny out; the light was shining in through her window, strategically onto her face. How...absolutely rude of it.

Yawning and stretching, Ino sat up. She rubbed at her eyes, and continued through all the other approved methods of waking one's self in the morning. Still drowsy, she swivelled her head to look at the clock on her bedside table. Seven thirty, huh?

Seven thirty. People should be getting up by now. She should have breakfast started, if not ready. A good shinobi trained at all hours, even if those hours were early in the morning.

Quickly, Ino flew about her room, frantically dressing. It was just lucky that she had decided to wash the night before!

Ino tiptoed down the stairs quietly. If any of her companions just happened to be asleep, she didn't want to be the person who woke them up.

_Phew. _Ino wiped a dew-drop of sweat from her forehead. No one was here yet.

It was time...for pancakes.

-

One by one, the occupants of the vacation house trooped into the kitchen, lured by the smell of breakfast. Most were still groggy, but by this time, Ino was wide awake and alert.

Alert enough to notice the empty place between Arashi's seat and Hinata's.

"Where's Kakashi?" she asked. "Don't tell me he's late for breakfast, too?" _That's just stupid._

"Erm...like we would know?" Shikamaru drawled. "How troublesome of you to assume that, Ino."

Well, you're all ninja, aren't you? Didn't you notice him come in last night?" Ino snapped. _Just rub it in my face, why don't you..._

"I did not notice him enter the vicinity of the building last evening," Neji said, "and I had my guard up."

Ino softened and smiled at Neji. "Thank you, Neji-kun. At least you're straight-forward, unlike someone-" She shot a glare at Shikamaru.

"Sasuke." Neji said.

Just like that.

For no apparent reason.

Maybe he just felt like saying something, and Sasuke was the word that popped into his head.

Either way, everyone decided it was a good time to look at him funny.

Neji coughed. "Sasuke and Sakura saw him last, didn't they?"

Everyone decided it was a good time to look at Sasuke and Sakura. Sakura clung to Sasuke's arm (she had stuck to his side in an effort to sit next to him during breakfast. If they did any planning, she could impress him with her mental prowess.)

"Erm, I guess I should go look for him while you guys train. If you don't need anything else to eat, when you finish could you just put your dishes in the sink?" Ino attempted to draw the attention back to the situation at hand.

"Well, actually, I kind of wanted some more..."Chouji began.

"If that's all then I'll be going!" Ino made her way to the front door to put on her ninja sandals.

"But, I wanted ba-"

"Ja!" Ino determinedly left the (very, very large) house. Even if she hated Kakashi, she did owe him a favor for letting her come with Sasuke. "Where is he?"

Ino squinted and picked a likely direction. (Likely meaning that the surrounding flora was busted up pretty badly.)

It wasn't really that hard to follow the trail; Sakura and Sasuke hadn't been very careful when they had chased after Kakashi. Eventually, the wreckage led her to a broken tree. It was monolithic, or rather, it had been. From about four feet from the ground there was a large splintering reaching three feet in. Sakura.

A few smaller trees and bushes had been toppled towards the right. Ino took a few steps in that direction. From here, the devastation mostly stopped.

How come no one had heard any of this fight happening?

Urgh. People were so stupid, getting riled up this much, over something so small, and then the others just ignoring it. She had to find him soon; the break in the trail did not bode well for Kakashi at all.

He was such a pain in the ass.

With no other clues than a few broken branches here and there, Ino kept going straight from the right side of the large tree. _Finally,_ she thought as she saw a smattering of shuriken sticking from the ground. A few more feet, and she came to a small clearing, where she found what she was looking for.

The clearing was charred and smoldering, some of the trees were totally splintered with kunai and shuriken. _He has to be nearby, now..._

"Kakashi! Kakashi, where are you? Yoo-hooo!" Ino yelled. Well, it was worth a try!

No answer. She would have to look for him the hard way, then.

Circling the perimeter of the wreckage, Ino became angrier and angrier. Who the hell did those three think they were, causing her all this trouble!

_Cheep. Cheep. Squeak. _Squirrel?

Ino knelt and felt all of her anger melt away. Such a cute little squirrel... "Hey, cutie, can _you_ show me where Kakashi is?"

The squirrel quirked it's head and smiled a squirrelly smile. "Cheep?"

Ino gestured. "He's really tall and skinny, with silvery hair and a mask. Have you seen him?"

The squirrel twittered excitedly. It waved its little paws around. And then it started in a direction, pausing and waiting for Ino to catch up periodically.

Ino was getting more and more enthused. She had a power! She could talk to the cute forest creatures! Oh, what luck!

They traversed the forest until they came to a magical place. The squirrel jumped to a tree with several knobs and knotholes and gestured frantically.

"I-is Kakashi's body in there?" Ino gulped. "He was murdered? Oh, no!" With great trepidation, she made her way towards the knothole next to the furry woodland creature. "Here?"

The squirrel nodded in a squirrelly nod. Ino peered into the tree.

Nuts. Nuts. NUTS.

"What the FUCK!" Ino rounded on the squirrel. "I wanted Kakashi, you little SHIT, not your winter FOOD SUPPLY!" She punched the tree and the nuts scattered to the forest floor.

The squirrel sat for a moment, eyes watering. It had spent all summer gathering up those nuts. The squirrel gingerly ran around after a moment, gathering the spilled nuts and storing them in its cheeks. When there was no room in its cheeks, the squirrel used its arms. It glared through its tears at Ino.

"Urgh. I'm going back." Ino turned around and walked the three yards back to the clearing. Useless squirrel.

Unbeknownst to her, the squirrel had plans. It's eyes gleamed. But first, to put those nuts in a safe place. Looking around, the squirrel received a rather unpleasant surprise.

All of its nuts were gone!

-

Ino went back to circling the clearing. No more shortcuts for her.

Twenty minutes later, she saw the blood. Thirty seconds after that, she saw the body.

"Kakashi!" She ran up and knelt in the muddy blood-soaked ground next to his body. His wounds were extensive, but not serious. "Chakra exhaustion?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't find this," two sets of footsteps and a voice sounded behind her.

Ino whirled. "Sasuke!"

Sakura smirked. "You're not objecting to what Sasuke-kun did, are you?"

Ino flushed. "N-no, but don't you think you went a little over the top? He's going to get sick, you didn't have to leave him out all night..."

"What are you saying, Ino? I thought you hated him." Sakura accused.

"I'm saying that he's the mission leader! You can't do that!" Ino frowned. "Help me take him back to the house."

"What make you think that I'd help you–" Sakura began, but Sasuke moved from her side and heaved Kakashi's unconscious form to his shoulders.

"Careful, Sasuke!" Ino cried, but she smiled. She knew that he would do what she wanted.

Sakura glared, but turned and began to clear the way for Sasuke and Kakashi.

In the backwoods, the squirrel with the gleaming eyes watched and followed.

To be Continued.

I'm seriously thinking of giving that squirrel a leading role in this fic...

Well, shit, waffles, you really don't like Sasuke, do you? He didn't even do anything last time.;;;; )

A Holiday skit from the Naruto tachai.

_Sasuke twitched. A rustle, an ethereal_ _brush of chakra. Someone...was attempting to break into the mansion undetected. He silently stood and made his way into the hall. The others (minus Kakashi) were already there. _

_Shikamaru signalled for silence, and Sasuke nodded in agreement. He gestured in code the order they were to take. _

_Carefully, the group progressed down the hall. Coming to the stairs, Chouji caused a minuscule tweak of the floorboards. _

_Instantly, Sasuke froze. The whole group turned and glared menacingly. Chouji rubbed his palms together apologetically. Still frowning, the others turned back to the stairs. _

_With Sasuke in the lead, they slunk down the many steps, crouching and gripping the spindles of the staircase for stability. _

_Sasuke frowned in thought. A shadow was hovering around the lit tree (when had that gotten there? Stupid girls,) and he couldn't recognize who it was, for he could only see the form silhouetted against the holiday lights. _

_Getting closer, Sasuke crept down the stairs. The person hadn't noticed him yet. _

_The figure bent down and removed a few packages from an enormous sack at his side, placing them under the fir tree. (Again, where did the stupid thing come from? Sasuke knew for a fact that fir trees did NOT grow anywhere near Konoha.) _

_Straightening with a grunt, the figure heaved the sack to its shoulders and made its way to the fireplace. The figured sighed and put the bag down again, this time removing several small items and shoving them in...socks? _

_Dammit, why did Sakura feel the need to steal his socks! Why did he have socks! Only nerds wore socks with ninja sandals! _

_Oh, yeah, for indoors. Because Sasuke hated to see his bare feet. _

_Sasuke looked back at the others, who were still hovering about the stairs. Sasuke himself was halfway across the parlor. _

_The figure bent down again to retrieve more of whatever it had brought. Sasuke, drawing ever closer, steeled himself to reveal the identity of the intruder. _

_He was right behind him now. Sasuke reached out, to grasp his shouder, and–_

"_Aah, Sasuke!" _

_Sasuke stood. And glared. _

_At Arashi. _

_ARASHI. What the fuck was Arashi DOING. _

"_Sasuke, what's wrong? You're glaring more than normal." Arashi said nervously_

_The others back at the stairs gaped. Repeatedly. _

"_Arashi-san..." Sasuke murmured dangerously. "Arashi-san, what are you doing out of bed at this time of night?"_

"_Well, it's Christmas, you know, and..."_

"_It's nighttime, Arashi-san. Nighttime is for sleeping." Sasuke growled. _

"_Aw, come on, Sasuke-san, it's Christmas, I was just trying to surprise everyone–"_

"_Wraaaar!" Sasuke shrieked like a jungle cat (jungle cat, haahaa.)_

_Arashi nearly peed his pants. When he managed to hold it in, he began to run. _

"_I guess Sasuke doesn't celebrate Chrrrrriiiiiiissssttmmmmaaaaaaaaaaas!"_

Please note that this segment has absolutely nothing to do with the actual fic. In fact, this takes place in a completely different season. Because the short is in winter, and the fic is still in fall! So this is really just the setting in a different time frame because I was bored today! (Too much gift wrapping...- -) Happy winter vacation/not working/ present/ holiday Time! Tis the season for me to be doing the assload of homework my teachers dumped on me even though break is only eleven days and I've already wasted two! Make that three. Four. Five. Shit.


	10. Fake Face, Fake Brain

I apologize deeply for not updating sooner, but I've been swamped with schoolwork and family business-and not the good kind (there's a good kind? O.o)

Thank you, supportive reviewers!

Disclaimer: Honestly, right now I'm too tired to even think of a decent disclaimer. I doubt I'm in any state to create a manga either.

Chapter10: Fake Face, Fake Brain

Time Table: Three days before the arrival of Sabaku no Gaara

The sky was rumbling when Kakashi woke up the next day. It was like that traumatizing night, when he had been hunted by his students. He panicked and couldn't move; he hated it, so much. So much that he would strain and scream until his throat was raw and his neck was broken.

_Crack. Rumble._

"Ya-aah!" Kakashi growled in the back of his throat. He had to move, to break the bonds holding him down–

"Kakashi, you shouldn't do that." Ino walked in with a tray full of breakfast. A jug of sake.

He wildly cast about, startled. He paused when his eyes landed on the blonde girl, and became to tired to struggle. His muscles slackened and his head fell back.

Ino set the tray down on the bedside table and pulled the chair from the desk (there was one in every bedroom,) beside his bed. "You have chakra exhaustion, Kakashi."

Chakra. Exhausted. Panic. Strain. He remembered; he was a shinobi, a ninja. Reveal no emotions, show no pain. No weakness of mind. It was vital to one wielding the Sharingan. He remembered Ino, too. The one who was cooking. The one he, the team leader, had permitted to accompany the team on the vital mission–

Team. Mission. Lead. "I have–how many days?" he struggled to sort his thoughts and voice them.

"...About two. We found you yesterday morning, the night after the incident. You've been sleeping since then." Ino thought and hesitated.

"Hnn–I have to get up. The mission–" Kakashi didn't try to get up, belying his words.

"No. Shikamaru took over with the planning and Sasuke took over training Arashi to look like Naruto." she cautioned. "You can rest as long as you need, Sasuke is a nearly a jounin and Shikamaru is smart enough. Everyone's helping."

"I guess..." Kakashi relented. Hell, it wasn't like he really wanted to get up... "...Is that...breakfast..." he hinted obtusely.

"Oh, yeah. You must be hungry?" Ino felt foolish for forgetting her initial purpose in coming to Kakashi's room.

"Maybe..."

So Ino would spoon-feed Kakashi his meals for the next three days, until he was well enough to sit up and move his arms. Two days later, he would able to, albeit shakily, make his way downstairs to the kitchen. And bathe on his own. On other days, Sakura the medic-nin, and the other boys on the team would alternate with washing Kakashi, a task they found distasteful.

It was all Ino could do to refrain from sticking her tongue out at Sakura, or pulling down her eyelid and saying 'nyaah!'

-

"You're still doing it wrong, Arashi." Sasuke berated.

"Well, what should I do!" Arashi countered.

Shikamaru, who was slouching against a nearby tree, suggested: "Bend your knees more. You need to become more like a canine."

"Canine?"

"Naruto was built slightly differently, to allow for physical changes involving the Kyuubi's chakra." Sakura explained what she had been told by Tsunade over the years.

Sasuke nodded. "He was able to crouch much more comfortably than we were, and his arms could swing back farther. But he still wasn't particularly fast. Most of his surprises were bursts of strategy involving the Kage Bunshin no justu." He had been one of the only people to see Naruto's demon side in action, after all. He remembered, with his Sharingan.

"You should lean forward more when you're walking, too. Naruto always leaned more forward or backwards, depending on whether he was talking to someone. He paid special attention to anyone who spoke to him," Shikamaru added.

Arashi nodded at the personal information, and adjusted his position. "Like this?" "Yeah, that's good enough for now."

"Let's get started on the face," Sakura said.

-

"His cheeks should puff out a little more,"

"Move the whiskers up a little more, the angle's off,"

"You're hair has to be poofier,"

"Poofier? What the hell are you talking about!"

"Like, it can't stand down so much."

"But shouldn't it? Gaara'll be suspicious if Naruto looks exactly like he did last time they met,"

"I guess you have a point. Fine, leave the hair alone."

"What about the whiskers? Shouldn't we just use makeup?"

"But it'll smear. Then we'll be in trouble."

"Well, maybe Naruto used makeup to put them there."

"No, they changed when he fought, they were real markings. Like the seal, only more permanent."

"Oh, well _fine_. But don't be too obvious, Gaara's the Kazekage, he might notice the genjustu."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Don't yeah, yeah, me! We only have a certain amount of time!"

"..." Shino cut in to Sasuke, Sakura, Ino, and Shikamaru's argument.

"What is it, Shino?" Shikamaru tried to decipher what Shino wanted.

"Can't you just let me look at a picture? I mean, it wasn't that long ago that Naruto left. I can just alter his Chuunin identification." Arashi whined.

"..." Shino affirmed.

"...but. I didn't think of it first." Shikamaru and Sakura protested. "Ch. Troublesome."

Ino sifted through the mission specs and handed the picture of Naruto to Arashi.

"...You guys suck at describing stuff." He stated drolly.

"I find that offensive." Ino joked.

"...I'll just leave and work on this on my own. When I'm done, I'll come back and show you, ok?" Arashi started towards his bedroom, pausing in the doorway to see if anyone objected.

"Whatever. Right. Sure." The others waved him off. Shino left to commune with nature; Ino left to cook and clean, and Sakura followed Sasuke, who looking for a group of anyone else to train with.

"This is so troublesome..." Shikamaru went outside. Maybe there was a hammock somewhere...

_Jingle, jingle. _

"Shikamaru, could you get that?" Ino called from the kitchen.

Ok, maybe he wouldn't. He would go be bothered by Kakashi.

-

"Yeah, waddya want, _sensei_," Shikamaru enunciated annoyedly as he leaned against the doorframe.

"Oh, hello, Shikamaru, I was just calling to ask for you to–" Kakashi smiled and weedled until Shikamaru cut him off.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure you can do it yourself," Shikamaru stated wryly.

Kakashi cringed, offended. "I'm injured, Nara, I can't do everything on my own. I only wanted to know how it was going, because I could hear the yelling."

Shikamaru didn't respond, mollified.

"So if you would..."

"..."

"...please..."

The stinging silence continued.

Kakashi sighed. "This is why I wanted Ino to come up here. She's much nicer than you brats..."

Shikamaru shook his head. "We were just having a few disagreements about how Arashi should arrange his face, sensei." he said respectfully.

"Don't bother with the sensei crap, makes me feel older than I already do with this gray hair," Kakashi playfully tugged on a lock of (old man colored) gray hair.

"...you like her, don't you, Kakashi." Shikamaru was looking uncomfortably away. It had been niggling at the back of his mind for awhile now, and with that permission...

Kakashi eye-smiled. "What makes you say that, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru shifted. This guy...couldn't just say anything outright, could he? He had to make everyone work for the littlest things...

"You let her come with us. And you treat her like an adult. Everyone else like they're still genin." Shikamaru assumed an unassuming stance. He wouldn't be made uneasy by this.

"Maybe she acts more like an adult," Kakashi countered.

"Maybe you act more like a kid." Shikamaru replied. "I just want a straight answer."

Kakashi eyed the genius. He knew he didn't have to answer, he could lie and no one would ever know the difference. Should he lower himself to this, or should he tell enough that the Nara could figure it out...Shikamaru wouldn't tell. He was smart.

"There are...some family issues. With her mother. Her mother is pushing for something beneficial to me to make an ideal a reality," Kakashi said cautiously, listening for anyone outside. Not that Shikamaru hadn't done that already. It was the principle of the thing, really.

"I see." Shikamaru said slowly. "I'll go then, if you don't need anything else..."

"Actually, I could use another blanket—" Too late. Shikamaru was already gone, to mull over the new information he had acquired.

-

Arashi sat in the chair before his desk and stared at the mirror. He removed the genjutsu, and replaced it with a few minor modifications. It was difficult to do this; there was no way Gaara would fall for it.

For now, he would do his best to be convincing for the others. Once Gaara arrived, Arashi would execute his other plan, the one that would work, much better than the others that his 'teammates' had cooked up.

Frowning at the mirror, he tweaked the genjutsu slightly. The whiskers scars sunk slightly into the skin of his cheeks.

That was the best he could do; only practice would help him keep them in place.

Arashi stood and went to the closet. He pulled out a bag and rummaged in it for a jumpsuit similar to what Naruto had been seen wearing last; the orange and black jumpsuit. He stripped off his ninja-toned clothing in exchange for the less economical color and looked at his reflection in the mirror again. One thing missing;

Arashi took a copy of Umino Iruka's hitai-ate and tied it around his forehead.

He grinned at his reflection. "Anou sa, Anou sa!"

-

Sasuke jerked when he heard the yell, the coarse voice. He did a double-take when he saw the orange and whiskers and flashy white canines. The figure half crouching, half waving. Annoying.

...Naruto.

Naruto was gone, wasn't he? Was this some sort of prank?

If it was, he would kill that dobe. He wouldn't be tricked by some dumb fox.

"Anou sa, anou sa, everyone? Recognize me?" the Naruto look-alike grinned at everyone standing in the field.

Kiba, Chouji, Hinata, Sakura, Konohamaru, Lee, and Shikamaru stood dumbfounded. Wait, rewind.

Kiba, Chouji, Hinata, Sakura, Konohamaru, and Lee stood dumbfounded. Shikamaru leaned against a tree, Shino and Neji stood like they normally do (with no expression. Expression is weak(Well, actually only his mom has ever seen Shino's face)) and Sasuke had advanced from his shocked state into an analytical one.

Ino and Kakashi were still inside the house.

The look-alike kept grinning, but twitched visibly. He spun around obviously, as if to say, "HEEEELLLLOOOOO!"

Well, he did say that. "Common', you know who I am, don't be so glum!" He started to leap around, with his legs still planted far apart and bent.

Sasuke spoke first. "Arashi." He knew. He just hadn't expected for Arashi to become so similar, so quickly. This...genin was quite advanced. Skilled.

"Eh, Sasuke, you got it," Arashi quieted his yelling voice in favor of his own calm one. "Took you guys awhile, though. Guess I did good, so far?"

"Yeah, you look a lot like the boss, Arashi," Konohamaru finally spoke. Hinata looked at the ground, blushing. She nodded and stiffly turned to walk away.

For that moment, Arashi-san...had actually become Naruto for her.

Neji saw her leave, but didn't follow. He didn't hate her, but he didn't like her _that _much. Still, he could understand why she was upset. It wasn't fair that someone could imitate an enigma that quickly, that well. Of course, he hadn't been fooled, knowing all along that Arashi was the one underneath.

Kiba glared when Arashi was named. That bastard couldn't become Naruto. He couldn't do it so fast, so easily, when he had to work so hard for the simplest things. No, no, no.

But what he hated the most was that there was nothing he could do about it. The others were all exemplary shinobi; none except Sasuke would allow their emotions to cloud their vision. And Sasuke had already turned him down.

Besides, Kiba didn't want to die, anyhow.

Sasuke walked closer to Arashi-in-disguise. He looked long and hard at Arashi's face. He looked exactly like Naruto. Almost.

Sasuke remember in minute detail the lines of Naruto's face. He had fought him, after all, while he was using the Sharingan, hadn't he? Couldn't he replicate those angry, glaring red eyes with the help of his genjutsu, enhanced by the Sharingan?

But Tsunade had said that he couldn't be the one to turn into Naruto. It would be too suspicious for Sasuke to come back from an extended mission only to go missing again.

But sometimes, Sasuke wanted to be Naruto. Naruto with his laughing blonde hair, with his smiling blue eyes. Naruto who could run away and not get caught. Because no one cared enough to catch him and drag him back.

Sasuke had been dragged back.

Every time he had left to become stronger, there had been someone to pull him down, hold him back. Every. Single. Time.

But no one had harassed Naruto. No one had expected him to leave. Naruto was smart, he had _tricked _them all. Tricked like a _fox._

Naruto wasn't held back by his own past. By his own pledge to kill the last of his own family.

Naruto didn't have any family, though.

When they had been younger, Sasuke had silently respected Naruto for that. For living all alone, and never showing that he was afraid of the nightmares that came to visit him when he slept. Sasuke had been visited every night, and he had always been scared. Scared until he cried, cried until he was numb. Then the red and gray came back and Sasuke had learned to embrace his fear, his hunger.

After all, Naruto had. He had always been so _loud_, attracted so much negative attention, hadn't he? He had pulled it all in on himself.

Sasuke looked a little closer at Arashi's face. At the near flawless cheeks.

Sasuke thought they looked a little thick.

-

By the time Arashi had 'perfected' his face, Ino had started dinner. By the time Sasuke had recognized the Naruto look-alike as Arashi, she had been nearly halfway done. When Sasuke had gone up close to look, Ino had been setting the table while the evening meal was still steaming on the stove.

She rang the bell; she placed the dishes on the table. As everyone filed in, she set heaping servings of the beef and vegetables on one plate, and filled a second plate with less. She put the plates on the platter and when everyone was seated, she told them, "I'm going up to take care of Kakashi–he still can't feed himself."

She went up the stairs, careful to not spill the food or the drinks that she was carrying up to Kakashi's room. Sasuke glowered at her retreating back. He appreciated Ino's sense of responsibility, but maybe she was taking this gratitude thing a little too far.

Kakashi was sitting up a little when Ino came in cheerily-he was anticipating her visits. Even though he had only been conscious for one day. And the most he could move was to crane his neck. But, hey, he would utilize this chance to get to know her to its fullest–one of the many ninja ways.

One of the numerous, of the plethora of, ninja ways. Who ever said a ninja could only have one ninja way? Well they obviously weren't a ninja, that was for sure.

"Hello, Kakashi," Ino sang as she nudged the door open with her hip and carried in the steaming tray of beef and veggies (how Kakashi loved his veggies.)

"Oh, hello Ino. I was wondering if you had forgotten to feed an injured man in his time of need," Kakashi whined piteously. Piteously, dammit!

"Kakashi, stop being a brat if you want to get fed." Ino smirked. "Like one of your nin-dogs."

_Owch._ "Oh, you're so _crueeelll, _Ino-chaaaaaan!"

Ino picked up a piece of beef and negligently flung it at Kakashi's face. More specifically, his forehead.

"Eew, Ino, you're getting beef juice on my nice shiny hitai-ate!" Kakashi looked morosely up at the brown trail of juiced dribbling onto the bridge of his nose. His face-mask would be filthy at this rate.

"Why are you still wearing that? You know I have to take it off." Ino asked irritably. "How did you get it back on, anyway?"

"Just what are you getting at?" Kakashi defended himself, offended at where this conversation was going.

"You can move, can't you, you liar!"

"Noooooo...I would have gotten up by now if that were the case. We are on a mission, no matter how menial."

"Hmmph," Ino snorted suspiciously.

"Well, anyway...feeeeeed meeeeeeeee..." Kakashi pleaded.

"Not until you prove that you can't move your arms."

"I can't! I called Konohamaru in to fix it after you left, honest! Please, now just gimme some o' dat foooooooddd!" he cried as his head lolled to the side.

Ino sniffed. "Whatever."

-

Chouji eyed the platters on the table. Something wasn't meshing, tonight.

"Where's the ramen," he asked suddenly.

Shikamaru sighed, along with most everyone else.

"We're not doing that until at least tomorrow, Chouji," he explained exasperatedly

"It's never too soon to start, Shikamaru!" Chouji protested. He wanted ramen! Fresh ramen! If only to refrigerate for a midnight snack.

"Not until tomorrow, Chouji." Shikamaru repeated firmly. "Let Ino do her thing for a little while, at least."

This time, it was Chouji who sighed. He understood Shikamaru's loyalty to a team member...even if that team member was more of an ex-teammate. Ever since that mission a few years ago, to retrieve Sasuke, he had been hell-bent on protecting his teammates.

Maybe that was why he avoided actual missions in lieu of teaching.

Shikamaru had become too sensitive, hadn't he.

As Ino finished feeding the last scraps of meat to Kakashi, she heard a yell up to her: "Ino, where's the ramen!"

"Geez, Arashi's getting too into this Naruto thing!" Ino said immediately. Kakashi didn't comment like she expected. She began to blush.

"Th-that wasn't Arashi, was it." Ino commented nervously.

"Nah. No it wasn't." Kakashi repressed his snickers.

_Chouji..._ Ino grumbled irritably.

_CHOUJI..._Shikamaru glared angrily.

_Fuuaaan...ramen! How could you betray me so? _Chouji bawled fearfully.

_Chip, chip cheep. _The Squirrel rubbed its paws together menacingly.

To be continued–dun dun, dun.

Well, that was amusing, no? We get sm'ore KakaIno and a hint of ShikaIno. Which will not be a pairing. Ever. Seriously, if you want ShikaIno, sorry, but I don't need another pairing tearing me apart. And Ino's ALWAYS with Shikamaru anyway. Go read someone else if you want them! But don't review for whoever's fic you read unless you review for mine first. And mention that I told you to review.

YOUTH AND GLORY! Which I do not have. I have schoolwork. Dammit.

Review, and I'll try to work on the next chapter, but I'm not promising anything, because midterms are coming up and the AP exam is fast approaching!


	11. Sqirrel's Climax

1Holy crap, this fic has so many more reviews than my others! I guess the plots better or something? (No...no it isn't...) IT'S THE SQUIRREL, ISN'T IT, YOU SQUIRREL WHORES!

Disclaimer: I don't even have time to be writing this for you. But I'm a lazy ass an' I don't wanna do my homework.

Chapter 11:Squirrel's Climax (Not literally...that's kind of...gross, don't you think?)

Timetable: The Day Gaara Comes. But keep in mind, that means about seven days before the gang has to head back because Gaara's not visiting Naruto until the second week.

The squirrel had plotted. The squirrel had planned. And now, it was ready, ready to execute its plan.

Sasuke had plotted (awhile ago.) Sasuke had planned (about the same time that he had plotted.) And another part of his plan was about to commence, because over the last few days he had worked on getting closer and closer to INO without ANYONE THERE.

"Ino, do we seriously have to eat this?" Shikamaru complained. Honestly, he liked ramen as much as the next guy, but every day and every meal was taking it too far.

"Yes, Shikamaru, you do," Ino countered, "If Arashi-kun has to eat ramen all the time to get in character, it's not fair for the rest of us to eat people food."

"You gonna eat that, then?" Chouji asked and pulled the bowl from Shikamaru's place before the other could answer. Shikamaru glared at his best friend and stalked to the kitchen to pour himself a bowl of cereal.

Arashi sat at his place at the table and voraciously forced bite after bite of ramen down his throat. Barbeque, barbeque, barbeque ramen!

Kiba cringed. Akamaru whined. Their sensitive noses were making them sick. At the same time, they decided that they needed to wait outside for dinner to end. (A few hours later, they were discovered by Lee to be eating Akamaru's dog food.)

Konohamaru cringed and whenever no one was looking, poured the broth onto a potted plant. (Soon, the plant would wilt just like everyone else from sodium overload.)

Sakura had flatly refused to come down.

Hinata politely picked at the bowl in front of her. Neji disdainfully held a noodle at a time and placed it in his mouth, only reaching for another with his chopsticks when the taste had completely faded from his mouth.

Lee, seeing his one chance to beat his rival, wolfed down the ramen again and again, determined that he would be the champion ramen-eater. (He, however, had Chouji to contend with.)

Shino had declined from eating ramen, claiming in his silent tongue that the salt was detrimental to the health of his chakra insects.

Sasuke had eaten the fastest of anyone, pouring three bowls down his throat like they were the best noodles he had ever eaten. Ino had asked him to take a plate of re-heated beef and vegetables up to Kakashi so she could finish cleaning up the mess Chouji had made earlier when he was foraging for a snack.

Currently, he was shoving morsels down his unconscious sensei's throat. (He had remorselessly jabbed a pressure point with the chopsticks to knock Kakashi out.)

Ino finished cleaning and sat down at the table. The yellow broth shimmered unappealingly at her. She looked around the table at who was left and noticed that those who were weren't even eating because they liked it (barring Chouji.)

She smouldered with anger. "You could at least eat with a little more enthusiasm, you know," She threatened Neji.

He turned pearl white eyes to her and simply looked. It was demeaning in the extreme, that he didn't even respond. Ino's eyes watered and her heart rate increased as did her anger at the conditions not her fault.

With determination, Ino seized her bowl with one hand and Neji's mouth with her other, successfully pouring barbeque ramen down the poor boy's throat.

"Gr–graaughuurgle," Neji gurgled as the ramen siphoned down his throat.

"Take that, bastard!" Ino cheered maniacally.

The others at the table paused in their eating, mildly shocked that a muscle-less girl could restrain the number-one rookie with one hand _and _manage to force him to down a bowl of ramen without spilling any.

In concert, the remaining occupants of the table edged away, ramen in hand, and left to dispose of their meals by way of eating.

Sasuke finishing piling the last bit of food into Kakashi's mouth. It hadn't taken long for his throat to be stopped up, and it had been difficult to transfer all the nourishment from the plate to Kakashi's mouth (notably, not his stomach.) However, Sasuke was an avenger, and he had managed to do it.

He carried the dishes down the hall at a sedate pace, his curiosity piqued when Chouji, Arashi, Konohamaru, Lee and Hinata filed into their rooms, quietly holding ramen in various stages of consumption.

Sasuke traversed the stairs and the living room, stopping only when he entered the doorway to the dining room. There, he was immensely amused at the sight of an inert Neji being drowned in broth at the hands of Ino.

His future wife was strong of character indeed.

-

In his room, Arashi continued to respectfully shovel ramen down his esophagus.

Not out of respect to his friend Ino.

Out of respect to the ramen.

When he looked at the mirror above his desk, all he saw was Naruto. Naruto with the cheeky marking, Naruto of the orange jumpsuit.

For the past three days he had been Naruto again.

But only a fake Naruto.

And even a fake Naruto paid his respects to ramen.

Naruto had grown up on the stuff. It was all he had managed to make by himself, at first.

When he had gotten older, it was all he could afford.

Naruto had been too young to apply for unemployment, so instead he had received a small portion of the money the village orphanage accepted once a month. Not much by any standards.

Naruto didn't particularly like ramen. It didn't grow on a person like other foods could. It wasn't particularly filling, either. It was, no matter the flavor, exceedingly salty.

He didn't really think it went all that well with milk, too, a beverage he felt obligated as a shinobi and a happy person to drink. **1**

But Naruto felt obligated to treat ramen well. Ramen deserved his respect.

For being cheap, and easy to fix, if not especially nutritious.

For being easily found in any grocer or convenience store in Konoha, so that it was easier for him to find a place that would even offer him service.

When all the noodles were gone, Naruto threw his head back and gulped down every last drop.

-

Konohamaru sat thoughtfully in his room, looking at the closed door. Across the hall was his teammate, probably still eating ramen.

It had occurred to him many times, that maybe he shouldn't be so tolerant of Arashi impersonating his boss, his rival.

So many, many times he thought about it, yet time and time again he found that he had no qualms over the subject. It disturbed him that his gut remained peaceful.

Seriously, his gut should be churning after all the ramen he had been eating lately. Maybe he had a sodium disorder or something, he really should get that checked out...

Konohamaru mulled over the possibilities for his lack of reaction, excuses for why if ever he should be faced with a situation (such as a confrontation from Naruto himself) where he required an explanation.

Maybe, deep down, he thought that Naruto had died a long time ago. Maybe he had never been there. So he thought that Naruto was better off wherever he was now. It had to be better than the Konohagakure slums he used to inhabit.

Maybe he had never cared about Naruto in the first place. Perhaps his childish ideals and frustration with Ebisu had simply given him an excuse to pretend.

Bullshit. No one would believe it. Even if they did, Naruto would never find those excuses satisfactory. Not after all he had been through at the hands (or lack thereof) of the villagers, and Konohamaru would end up with a royal ass-kicking.

If worst came to worst, he would claim that it was for Konoha. It was for the best, that he covered up his nonexistent discontent with Arashi. Arashi was his teammate, dammit, and Konohamaru couldn't let personal emotions interfere with the bettering of his skills.

Maybe he should talk to Arashi about this. Arashi was his experienced teammate, and he would help. Later.

Konohamaru stalked to the window, and poured the remains of his dinner (if he could call it that,) down the wall and into the bushes.

-

A half hour after he had left from the crime scene of the dinner table (of YOUTH!), Lee snuck out his window to train. TRAIN, TRAIN FOR THE FIRES OF YOUTH AND LOOOOOVE!

_If I don't run around the property seventy-five times in one minute, I'll do the same thing, on my arms! _

_And if I don't run on my arms fast enough...I'll hop on my tongue. _

_Gai-sensei said that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body, so I should go faster if I use it. _

_And then I'll do sit-ups so I don't get flabby abs. _

Lee concluded his thoughts. He began to run. And run. Around the estate. (Approximately, it was unmarked.)

His internal clock chimed sixty seconds.

_Nuuooooo..._

He had only gone seventy-two.

Steeling himself for the ordeal ahead, Lee flipped to his arms, and began to move _very quickly_ around the estate. Again.

Fifty-five.

Sixty-two.

Seventy-three–

Seventy-four...

Almost, almost seventy-five, only few more yards...

_Dingdingdingdingding—DING!_

Shit! Lee mentally cursed.

Oh well. The next should be easier, anyway.

There was no, absolutely no doubt in Lee's mind that he could run around the mansion seventy-five times, in sixty seconds, on his tongue.

Painstakingly, Lee lowered his bowlcut to the green grass and crossed his arms around his chest.

Sooo carefully, he tipped his forehead without moving the rest of his body. Finally, his lips were pressed firmly against the forest floor.

With gusto, Lee shoved his tongue into the earth, and attempted to propel his body a few inches into the air.

...Nothing much happened, unfortunately. His tongue squished unpleasantly against the salty dirt, and after thinking a bit, Lee retracted it.

Slower this time, Lee stiffened his tongue and pushed it to the ground. _Thank kami it hasn't rained recently..._ he thought as his body moved upwards.

This was going to be harder than he thought...

-

Approximately thirty seconds later, Lee had only made it three feet. He collapsed, gasping.

_I don't think that's what Gai-sensei meant. _

Lee heaved himself to his (well rested, at this point,) legs and walked towards the back door, where there was a mudroom.

There was a bathroom directly to the left, so Lee could wash out his dirty mouth before being seen by too many people. Not that he cared, of course.

It was completely by chance that he happened to meet Kiba and Akamaru in the back entry.

Completely by chance, that he caught Kiba next to Akamaru, on his hands and knees...

Eating dog food.

Lee looked at Kiba.

Kiba looked at Lee.

Akamaru continued to eat.

Kiba remained on the tiled floor, his arms around a food bowl.

Lee looked at Kiba.

Kiba growled and hovered over the extra food bowl. "You can't have any!" he growled.

Lee looked at Kiba.

And looked at Kiba.

Lee would keep looking at Kiba for a long, long time.

After all, it wasn't often that he found someone who acted as strange as he did.

-

The squirrel sat outside the kitchen window. Through the half-open doorway to the dining room, it could see someone being strangled by someone else.

Maybe it should come back some other time, ne?

No, nonono! Nuts, its nuts were gone (no, not those nuts, silly) and it needed a place to stay.

Stupid girl.

The squirrel scampered up to the attic, in through a hole, and into the main section of the house, careful to avoid any rogue ninja. It snuck through the dining room where the blond girl was still strangling a human boy that looked like he lived with a stick up his ass.

Triumphantly, the squirrel skittered into the kitchen.

Once there, it proceeded to take out the fixings for a pecan pie.

And it waited.

Eventually, Neji fainted (suffocated) and Ino went into the kitchen to put away dinner. And to her surprise, she found the ramen put away! (Down the garbage disposal...)

What good samaritan would do such a thing? Ino thought as she looked around eagerly to thank (Sasuke). But to no avail, for Sasuke was not there.

She did find, a pound of pecans. A pie crust, embedded in a pie pan. Sugar, molasses. Everything a girl could possibly need for...baking a pecan pie.

A squirrel sat pointedly on the oven, which was pre-heating.

"Oh!" She exclaimed. "The little woodland creatures are coming to help me!" And with glee, Ino prepared to pecan pie for the little nutless squirrel.

And when it was done, the other ninja arrived to find the doors and windows to the kitchen locked, so that they could not have any.

The little squirrel ate pecan pie to its heart's content, enjoying the attention from the beautiful girl who had baked it.

Outside, Sasuke was jealous. He was rather partial to pecan pie...

To be continued!

Soooo...that came out of nowhere. I just didn't feel like studying for midterms. (UUGg)

I just took seven tests in two days! Suckness! I think I failed two. And after I cheated, too. Max/min does not make sense. Not even when I look at my notes. Bye-bye, three hundred points!

1. In japan, it's said that a person who doesn't drink milk is grouchy. Hence, why Edward Elric of Fullmetal Alchemist is pissy all the time. He hates milk!

R. O. D. Review or Die. (Oops, don't own that...)


	12. How far would YOU GO?

I apologize for this pathetically short chapter, and for not updating in such an abysmally long time. (My previous intro/note was very rude, and I've been having mood swings (What, am I PMSing or something? It's a little late to start now!) So anyway, I changed it. This one is much nicer!)

I thought about not updating until this is longer, but really, I'm stumped. And tired of making up random scenes (like in all the other chapters last scene of chapter 11 with lee and kiba, for example) just to take up space.

Disclaimer: bawls

Chapter 12: How far would YOU go?

Timetable: Three days before the whole gang heads back. (Maybe that means this stuuupid arc can END!)

Arashi, how have you been reading...?

Arashi-san, how far are you?

Arashi, Arashi, Arashi...

"Arashi, how far have you come on reading the reports on Naruto?" Kakashi impatiently asked. It wasn't often that he saw a ninja, genin or no, so-so _un-_alert. It was disquieting.

"...Ara?" Arashi started and looked up at Kakashi, who was looming over Arashi, who was sitting in his chair in his room.

... "something you need, Kakashi?" he inquired.

"I asked you, have you finished with the reports. We go back in three days, that means you only have two to prepare yourself." Kakashi said pointedly.

"Oh, yeah, I finished them awhile ago. Sorry, guess I forgot to give them back, huh?" Arashi sighed languidly.

"Need I remind you that the fate of the village and your comrades rests on your shoulders?" Kakashi jibed.

"Yeah. I know, I know! I'm just mentally preparing myself." Arashi squinted and imitated Naruto.

Kakashi sighed. "Now's the crunch time, you know? You have to read up on Gaara, and everyone. You'll have to convince everyone, even yourself, that _you _are in fact Uzumaki Naruto. And, I don't know if you can do that."

"Aah? What's that supposed to mean?" Arashi fell over in his chair.

"I mean...there's something that's been bothering me."

"...huh?"

-

Ino merrily chopped vegetables in the kitchen, with her merry woodland friend at her side. It seemed that the little feller had taken a shine to singing while Ino worked, actually.

Though, personally, Ino was getting quite pissed at the stupid rodent.

Seriously, singing? It was more like squeaking annoyingly at all hours! And the bastard insisted on following her _everywhere,_ EVERYWHERE, even to the bath. And although Ino didn't know that much about animal expression, she had the sneaking suspicion that the stupid thing was leering at her.

Apparently Sasuke didn't trust it all that much, either.

Currently, he was sitting at the small, round table. He had, in the past few days, been spending more time in her presence. Albeit, with one Haruno Sakura present, who had developed a stalking-complex.

Sasuke quietly sat at the table, watching INO chop vegetables, only occasionally switching his gaze momentarily to the squirrel for a few moments before returning his gaze to his original target. Sakura simmered darkly, glaring at Ino when she wasn't mooning over Sasuke.

The squirrel snuck around the counter, and before Ino could react, had swirled itself around her neck. Quietly, it sniggered, so that only Ino could hear.

"Kyyaaaa!" Ino planted the chopping knife deep in the cutting board, severing a carrot and spilling the full bowl of already-cut vegetables to the floor.

Ino's hands flew to her neck, where they scrambled for purchase on the moving ball of fur. She stumbled backwards, nearly falling.

Sasuke was up in a nanosecond, and holding the squirrel by its bushy tail. The rodent squirmed uncomfortably, squealing in terror and with its beady eyes opened wide.

Ino backed towards the counter, where she leaned and caught her breath.

Sasuke hefted the squirrel and leveled a glare at it. The squirrel attempted to fling itself away, but Sasuke tightened his grip, leaving the gnawing creature bristling in pain.

From the kitchen table, Sakura watched the squirrel squeak in pain with mild interest. She took a lock of pink hair and twirled it about her finger idly while she stared at Sasuke. She blew a bubble in the gum she had been chewing (to rid her mouth of the stink of Ino's cooking, she said.)

On the other side of the room, Ino was getting over her shock. "A–anno, you–don't do that, you're hurting it, Sasuke!" Sasuke dropped the animal in shock.

Ino moved forward and caught the twitching animal. "Aah, this is my fault! I ruined your home, didn't I?"

It was Sasuke's turn to back away.

_What–Why? What is going on? That thing! It–it did it, I know it did, but I–_

_No, it's all its fault. It's its fault that she yelled at me! _

_No, no, no, unacceptable. I won't lose, I can't LOSE!_

_It's all a trap. Itachi anticipated this, no NARUTO they're trying to MESS ME UP— they all want to see me fail, yes that's right, that's what they wanted all along, to be better than me. It's all because of the system, the way things were, are now, they want revenge because I stole all their love, didn't I? Did I not attract the attention of the best, Of Gaara, of NEJI? Number one rookie genin, I advance faster than everyone else, that's why they're jealous, no Itachi was so much faster, but he doesn't trust me to stay behind, does he?_

Sasuke back away from the kitchen, into the doorway. Ino cradled the injured animal. Another step, now rocking. Comforting. But not him. Sasuke fell backwards and whisked himself away.

Sakura blew another bubble.

-

Sasuke retreated to his room. It was three o'clock. Everyone was training, except Sakura, Ino, Arashi, and Kakashi who was still healing. Doubtless, they were suspicious of why he wasn't advancing his skills as well.

He curled up on his bed, with a fierce look in his eyes. He had been–so embarrassed, it wasn't something he was used to dealing with, at any rate. Making a decision, Sasuke surged to his feet. The bed trembled beneath the force of his weight.

Witheringly, Sasuke stripped his clothes and dropped them to the floor, before putting on his warm white shirt and sweatpants that he wore in place of traditional pajamas. He took the time to glare at his bare feet before fetching a pair of clean white socks as well.

Sasuke sat and sulked, exactly in the center of the bed, for the rest of the day, not to leave until the following morning. No one said anything, or even thought anything of it, except Kakashi, who was getting rather fed up at the antics of the children put under his care, though, by all rights, as ninja, they were adults.

And honestly, Kakashi was getting the most fed up with Naruto. He found himself irritably, fervently, wishing for the brat to come back.

But what shocked him most was that he didn't care if Naruto came back, or if he died, just to get it out in the open so that the village didn't have to hide anymore.

_Naruto should die. He's not a comrade, anymore, is he? _

_The tanuki will kill us all, anyway. There can be no preventing it once Gaara dies._

_-_

Tsunade sat at her desk (covered in paperwork, as per usual), not doing her work (as usual.) Shizune was at the hospital, treating the newest injuries from a ninja on a mission. Therefore, there was no one present who dared to nag her. Especially not now.

There was meeting in one hour. With the Kazekage.

He had been in Leaf for four days now, four days of hell and tip-toeing around for her and the elders.

Tsunade hoped that Arashi was coming along well.

_Ohh, of course he's coming along wellll, he's such a wonderful boy, how could he not? He'll save the village, my hero_ Tsunade blushed and clapped her hands.

An officer worker stuck his head in. "Ma'am, are you alright?"

Tsunade froze. "What? Of course, who gave you permission to come in here!"

The man (he looked like he had a flimsy character) gulped, "Well, you trained us to answer you whenever you clapped–"

"Yes? And that constitutes interrupting me when I'm working how?" the Godaime frowned.

_But you hardly ever work..._the office aid wisely didn't say. "Gomen ne! Tsunade-sama! I am very sorry!" He ducked out before he got his head smashed open with a paperweight.

Tsunade scowled darkly. Honestly, interrupting her daydream of Arashi–what was that brat thinking? Tsunade indulged herself by immersing herself in her daydream.

_Gaara: Sunagakure will be allied to Leaf forever. It is unfortunately time for me to leave now, but we will exchange manpower in times of hardship. :Leaves with the Sand envoy:_

_Tsunade, Arashi, and everyone else: Waves at the Sand retreating into the distance_

_Arashi:Tears off his Naruto jumpsuit and face: Finally, I don't have to pretend anymore!_

_Tsunade: Oh, Arashi, you saved the village! _

_Arashi:Looks incredibly smexy:Smirks down at Tsunade:well, he IS taller: I did my best for you, Tsunade-chan._

_Tsunade:Blushes: I knew you would._

_Arashi: Tsunade, I–_

_Tsunade: Oh, Arashi—_

BAAMM! (Tsunade fell out of her chair)

Oww—

"Well I suppose I deserved that." Tsunade said to herself.

"Huh? What was that, Tsunade-sama?"

"NOTHING!" Tsunade banged her hand on the desk as she got up. She really needed to concentrate on the meeting.

Gaara had arrived four days ago. On the first day (the day he arrived), he had been shown to his rooms in the guest suites, as had his guards and those in the upper echelons of the wind country. They had been tired from traveling for a week across the desert, and through the forests, and had slept for most of the first and second days. In the late afternoon of the second day, Sand had a meeting with itself, to discuss the matters in the meeting again.

On the third day, the Sunaga representatives had met with the Konoha elders and major families, and began to discuss matters such as trade. This had gone on for hours, until it was time for the evening meal, and the meeting broke. The meeting was to be continued today, the fourth day.

Gaara didn't seem to take much interest in such matters, leaving them to his advisors. That made sense of course, as Gaara was still only a teenager. Tsunade supposed that she was lucky he didn't decide to start his reunion with Naruto early, since he wasn't "back" yet.

Tsunade reviewed her notes on the previous meeting, and made her way to the conference room to await the arrival of old boring people who had nothing to do except control other people's lives.

TBC

**Note!** When Kakashi was talking to himself, he said some very disturbing things! Now, I dunno about him wanting Naruto dead, but, let's say that he's a little irritable and hopeless. And, in reference to the next line, tanuki is a word either for Gaara's demon, or something;; I don't remember. And I'm not sure, but we'll assume that when Gaara dies (not by having his demon sucked out of him) the demon will be set free. Because, that's what happens when he falls asleep, right? (Ah well, this will not be important to the story, anyway. I was trying to use up space.)

The moody author will now go read forty pages about the president for school! (And on a snow day, no less)


	13. Le Time Warp

OK, I lied last chap, I said that I was going to read the chapter in government, but I didn't, so I'll be doing that...today!

Disclaimer: ...We don't...really need to put these, do we...because...it's not like anyone makes money off of this...

Chapter 13: Le Time-Warp

Time table: Urk...everyone returns to Konoha! One week before Arashi and Gaara's climactic meeting! (Weeeellll, I wouldn't really go that far...)

"Oo–h, Shikamaru-kun, that hu—urrtttsss," Kakashi mewled.

In response, Shikamaru jerked the wheel barrow that he had 'commandeered' from the mansion's shed.

"Ooowwwww," the older man wailed.

"Oh, shut up Kakashi-sensei," Sakura flipped her hair. "You're lucky we're not making you walk."

"You're soooo cruuuueeeelll, Sakura-chaaaan,"

"You know, Hatake, she's right." Konohamaru grumbled. Arashi chuckled.

Ino's chest swelled. "_You know, _Konohamaru-_chan_, you should be more tolerant. Kakashi _said _that he doesn't feel well. He should be in good health in case anything happens." Squirrelly squeaked indignantly in agreement.

"Che. Since you have such a problem, you should be the one to push him," Shikamaru said before he foisted the wide load onto the youngest in the group.

"Whaaat? But I'm the smallest person here! Why should I have to take care of your responsibility!" Konohamaru whined.

Arashi winked and blew a raspberry. "Think of it as all that training you were heckling for before this mission, Konoha-chan."

Kakashi blushed winningly. "You know, this could be practice for carrying your wife over the threshold of your new home before you go and–"

Konohamaru dropped the arms of the wheelbarrow and walked to the front of the group, several veins throbbing on his forehead. "Baka hentai." The wheelbarrow tipped over and Kakashi spilled out. _I feel heavier than Chouji..._

"Owch." he monotoned when he scraped his arm on the rocky ground.

"Waah!" Ino ran over to help him up. The squirrel swung precariously around her neck.

"Rnn..." Sasuke growled quietly.

"Why, thank you, Ino-chan!" Kakashi quipped.

"Can we get going?" Arashi interrupted impatiently.

"A-anou, we should–" Hinata stammered.

"Yeah, you may not mind being late, but the rest of us do." Sakura snapped irritably.

"Maa, maa." Kakashi waved flippantly, allowing Ino to give him a (useless) hand up. "We'll get there in time."

"If you say so..."

"But why does it matter? All we have to–I mean, all Kakashi has to do, is file the report."

"I don't understand," Kiba sighed.

"Baka inu." Shikamaru sighed in return (with exasperation.)

"What was that!" Kiba barked.

"We're on a large, secret group mission, and we choreographed this ages ago so it doesn't look suspicious. All the teams have been split up to arrive at different specific times, so there will be civilian witnesses but we won't come into contact with anyone from Sand." Shikamaru explained. "Any mission with a squad this large would be known about by Sand, and this mission was kept _secret _from them. We have to look like we came from a number of small missions."

"...why didn't I know about this..." Kiba drooped, like he was exhausted from hearing information that was too much for his small brain to absorb.

"Because, you're stupid and you don't listen," Arashi quipped. Kiba glared. _I hate that stupid guy, looking like Naruto..._

"CAN WE PLE–EASE LEAVE!" Sakura screamed.

"Hai, hai." Everyone (except Sasuke) waved flippantly.

"...YOUUUUTTHHH!" Lee shrieked.

"...spazz..." Arashi's eyes flatlined. "You wanna give us away?"

"To the gloomy, doomy hut!" Kakashi cheered. "Except for the lucky Hinata, Kiba and Lee!"

"YOOOUUUUUTHHH!"

"Huh? Why don't they have to wait in the hut?" Konohamaru complained.

"Because, they go first!" Shikamaru pointed out, like it was obvious. (Well, it was, though.)

"Sorry," Hinata whimpered apologetically.

"What hut, anyway? I've never seen it." Arashi scratched his head.

"A hut, a hide-out hut, that's why you've never noticed it." Kakashi posed jauntily.

"Keep walking, keep walking, you'll get to it." Shikamaru urged.

"No, no, you missed it! It's right there!" Kakashi reprimanded.

"Here?" Arashi pointed at a mossy boulder.

"Idiot, that rock looks like a hut to you?" Neji jibed.

"Squee, squeak squeak squee." the squirrel squeaked condescendingly.

"Well, it's hidden, right?" Arashi retorted.

"No! That's the idea, it's not hidden so no one would look for it!" Chouji munched.

"It's...right...there...isn't it." Hinata prodded quietly, nodding her head towards a worn-down grass building.

"Yup!" Kakashi nodded, pleased that someone had figured it out.

"Fucking A, it looks like a hobo wouldn't even live in there." Kiba said in disgust.

"Weeeelll, they probably wouldn't." Kakashi allowed.

"...the roof's falling in." Konohamaru continued distastefully.

"Good thing it's not raining!" Arashi headed towards the dirty cloth draped across the entrance.

"Shouldn't he be more nervous?" Ino quietly asked Kakashi, so Arashi wouldn't hear.

"Eh? Maybe. I wouldn't worry about it. Arashi-san in a very good actor." Kakashi grinned peacefully.

-

"Order, order!" Tsunade banged her fist on her desk in the conference room.

"Eeh...Hokage-sama, you don't have the authority to do that." an assistant hesitatingly said.

"...oops. Gomen ne, gomen ne." Tsunade apologized to the Sunaga envoy.

"...yes, well. Today, our first order of business will be to..." An old man coughed and began to read off a large sheaf of papers.

Tsunade sat in her most regal position from the seat that had a clear view of the entire room. With keeping her back ramrod straight for so long, however, Tsunade was seriously considering breast reduction surgery. _I'm too old for this...not that I'm old, of course, but this could be...a problem. _

Her eyes strayed to the Kazekage. He was sitting quietly, with his hands folded neatly in his lap, and his blank eyes pointed in no particular direction, presumably to spare anyone in the room from his hard glare.

As if he could feel Tsunade looking at him, Gaara returned Tsunade's inquisitive gaze with a blank one. If possible, Tsunade felt her back stiffen even more. Trying not to fidget, she held his gaze for a few moments, until the old man cleared his throat again and she felt that she had an excuse to look away. When she looked back again, Gaara was focused on the speaker as well.

_Damn...this is boring and scary as hell at the same time. When this is all over, I'll be ready to retire. _

A soft knock came at the door behind Tsunade, which was opened by the ANBU standing guard. Another, wearing a boar mask, entered the room and leaned over Tsunade's shoulder.

"Your family has returned, Hokage-sama." A woman's voice whispered.

Speaking in code because Gaara could spy easily was a precaution that was likely not necessary. Even though he was a unstable and from another village, he understood the fine points of protocol, and wouldn't listen in on an ally.

At any rate, the squads had begun to return, exactly on time, Tsunade surmised as she slyly eyed the clock. They would continue to arrive at erratic intervals (all of which had been assigned previously.) Tsunade would not be informed unless a discrepancy arose.

"...and due to inflation on goods, there will be a 13 percent sales tax on all textile items..."

"Aah, thirteen?" Tsunade interrupted. "Isn't that a bit much?"

The elderly man adjusted his glassed feebly, irate at the same time. "Hokage-sama, it was a bad season for Konoha's growers. The materials for fabric are therefore more costly and–"

"Well, of course there should be a tax, but I don't want to see anyone running around naked because clothes have become to expensive, elder." Tsunade leaned forward to speak. _Ahh...sweet relief._

"I'm sure it will not come to that, Hokage-sama."

"Yes, yes. But Sunagakure is our ally, no? Shouldn't we be more lenient in taxes? We wouldn't collapse simply because we lowered them a bit, would we?" Tsunade rested her chin on her hands.

"...of course, Hokage-sama. We will enter the debate, then. What is your suggestion?"

"Six percent."

The elder looked like an angry cat, but did not protest. "A-any objections?"

"Eight percent would be more reasonable. Clothing is expensive, but we also have our own sources of textile fibers." Gaara spoke up for the first time that day. He made eye contact with Tsunade when she looked at him in shock.

"Uumm, y-yes." The elder shuffled a few papers and made a note with a shaking hand.

Tsunade looked away from Gaara as soon as was polite, uncomfortable with being in his sight for so long. It felt...heavy and repressive to her.

Throughout the rest of the meeting, Tsunade couldn't shake the feeling of Gaara's eyes boring into her. She didn't dare to look, not wanting to get caught up in a diplomatic staring contest again.

"And our last order of business is..."

_Last order of business...I should pay attention, for this, at least. _

"...water."

_...huh? _

At this point, everyone involved with Sunagakure was attentive. Water was, to them, a very important resource.

"Well...what about it." Tsunade almost asked dumbly. She managed to restrain herself at the last minute, though.

"Aahem. To Sunagakure, Konohagakure will send an allotted number of gallons of mountain spring water per week to be used as part of the drinking supply of its citizens."

_Huh? _

"This supply will come at the cost of-----" elder droned on, not oblivious to the interest this particular subject had elicited.

_But, wait. Huh? When did this happen? This wasn't in my briefings. This wasn't there at all!_

Tsunade began panicking, looking around urgently, sifting through her papers to the last pages.

_Grain export, grain export! That was what they were talking about five minutes ago! Someone left out the last pages on purpose!_

"_Is everything alright, Hokage-sama?" _The ANBU that was standing guard leaned over curiously.

"_Ah, I seem to not have been give the papers on this subject..." _Tsunade whispered.

The ANBU nodded. _"I'll go find a copy, Hokage-sama." _

"_Thank you." _

Tsunade cleared her throat and interrupted the village elder. "Excuse me, elder, but I would appreciate it if the meeting could pause for just five minutes? There is some...business that I need to take care of."

The elder looked appalled. "Well, that is.."

"Only a few minutes!" Tsunade stood, bowed, and left the room, feeling Gaara's eyes at her back.

Exiting the room, Tsunade heaved a sigh and stretched. That ANBU should be there in a minute...

"Hokage-sama." The boar held out a few pieces of hand-written documents. Probably copied using a genjutsu to get behind the elder.

"Aah, thank you very much." She began to skim the papers. "You know, I had no idea that this subject would be brought up in any meeting."

"Of course."

"This is an awkward subject, you know. Sunaga has very little water, so it would put us in bad graces if we were to deny it to them." She read through the papers faster.

"I don't understand, this serious subject, why I didn't know–"

"Hokage-sama."

"What was this supposed to be? I can't interfere? Going behind my back?"

"Hokage-sama."

"I don't understand, what were they planning–"

"Hokage-sama, you can send a squad to investigate."

"Huh?"

"If you wish to know, you should send a spy to investigate." the boar crossed his arms.

"Yes, yes I should." Tsunade mused. "But there's nothing I can do about it right now."

"Should I send someone now?"

"Yes, it would be best to start before whoever it is can prepare." Tsunade affirmed, feeling more knowledgeable with the documents in her hands.

The only question was, who had designs to go around the Hokage by exempting such documents? Who was stupid enough to omit them, and think that she wouldn't be able to get a copy of her own volition?

"Start with the elders. They've been going against me for awhile now. They probably have something in here that they didn't want me to know." Tsunade spun on her heel and pushed open the back door to the conference room.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, I had to get these replaced," Tsunade smiled winningly, feeling all eyes on her.

-

TO BE CONTINUED! OMFG!

Wow..nine pages. In one sitting! But mostly unedited. Well, I felt that while this isn't a great place to stop, I didn't feel like writing five more pages!

I sincerely apologize for the awfulness of the first half! But the second part makes up for it, right? Right? Well, at any rate, I like it. I feel...official. Woo, the plot, how it thickens!

Please review! My hopes were buoyed by one special-long review! It meant a lot to me! And so did all the others, so this is (pathetically) dedicated to the nice people who do bother to review for my shitty writing.


	14. The Senile Bakemono

Dedicated to the wonderful blackrose113! For responding to my plea for assistance in developing a new title! I will still accept suggestions, however, I will mention the chapter before what title I decide on. (btw–what do you think of 'away he went')?

Anou...those who were waiting for something interesting to happen, you'll hate me. Erm...this is anticlimactic.

Disclaimer: If you actually read this, tell me that you noticed how I didn't deny rights to Naruto in a review, and the following chapter will be dedicated to you.

Chapter 14: Senile Bakemono

"Sasuke and Sakura, you two go now," Kakashi intoned.

Sakura stood up and stretched. "Aah, finally! This hut smells awful, right Sasuke?"

Sasuke didn't respond. "Yeah, yeah, rub it in, Sakura." Ino complained. She, and everyone else who remained, had been sitting in the same position for hours, because the hut was too cramped to move around comfortably.

"Maybe the smell's from you, huh, pig?" Sakura said slyly.

"Or maybe it's your giant forehead beginning to rot." Ino countered. She was sick of sitting in the damp and rot of the grass hut (which shouldn't be standing, anyway), and although she had vowed to take the high road in their spats, Ino found that she couldn't take any more.

Several of the others seemed like they were contemplating interfering, but Sasuke stepped forward first, but getting to his feet and ducking out without a word.

"Hurry up, forehead, or he'll leave you behind," Ino growled maliciously.

Sakura turned towards the ripped cloths that served as the door. "Sasuke, wait up! You can't just leave me behind like that!" She ran out, ducking to avoid touching the filthy drapes.

Ino sighed. "When do I get to leave?"

"You'll be leaving next, with me, Arashi and Konohamaru. In about two hours." Kakashi smiled encouragingly.

"Really? We can leave next?" Konohamaru leaned forward eagerly, which was a mistake, as it put him over Arashi.

"Get off! We just got about four square feet of space, use it you moron!" Arashi grumbled as he shoved Konohamaru away.

"Sorry, sorry."

Neji wondered if he should speak up. It appeared that everyone had forgotten he was there as well.

-

"I apologize, I misplaced the papers that I needed for this subject, elder, Sunaga-tachi." Tsunade smiled.

The male village elder coughed. His female counterpart glanced at him sharply. "Well if we can get back to business then,"

"Of course." Tsunade smiled, brighter than before, sure that she had her perpetrators. The Sunaga envoy eyed her quizzically.

"Ahem. Well, we were planning on offering it in exchange for services–"

"Such as access to their own library of forbidden jutsu?" Tsunade rested her chin on her hands.

"...urk."

"..." the Sunaga envoy looked at him expectantly, apparently having not been informed.

"And utilizing their shinobi to do our missions at sixty percent commission to us?"

"...gaahk."

"..." the Sunaga envoy moved on to glaring.

"In addition to tax free imports? What, did you really expect them to agree to that?"

"Well, this certainly wasn't recorded earlier." The woman elder spoke up for the first time. "No one could possibly be foolish enough to demand so much, for mere water. It would be cheaper to just buy it by the bottle!"

"My point exactly, obaa-sama," Tsunade beamed. An ANBU silently appeared behind the male elder. Tsunade resisted the urge to nod in response, but the ANBU disappeared on his own. "So, I think that there might have been a few mistakes in the drafts?"

"Yes, I agree." the elder eyed her partner cautiously. He had his eyes down to his folded hands.

"Excuse me, but this really should have been taken care of earlier, it isn't fitting–" A noble cut in, confused and offended. He stopped, however, at a signal from Gaara.

"We should adjourn for a short break. The meeting can reconvene when Konoha is ready." Gaara said curtly. Tsunade was relieved at a chance to escape the debacle, and was on her way from being pissed to being amused at the whole situation.

When Tsunade affirmed, Sand filed out to the guest lounge, leaving the Leaf delegates alone.

"Weellll...that was embarrassing." Tsunade chirped to break the silence.

The old woman coughed. "Y-yes."

The Hyuuga Hiashi cleared his throat. "Respectfully...what the fuck was that. Embarrassing doesn't cut it."

The male elder stooped to his feet and shuffled out of the room through the back entrance.

"It appears that he is growing senile in old age," The woman elder said scathingly as she gestured at her comrade's back.

"...So why didn't _you_ proofread the documents?"

The woman drew up her chest. "I cannot be expected to know everything! I've had my hands full, with you-can-only-guess-what!"

Of course, they all could guess. They could all guess correctly, in fact. They all know that she was referring to the disappearance of that dreadful Kyuubi brat, at the one time he could make himself useful.

"While we have a short respite, we should decide on the proper price of water to be sold to Sunaga," Tsunade interrupted. She was met with blank looks.

"It would be rather rude to get their hopes up, only to renenge." she supplied helpfully. This time she was met with positive murmurs.

-

(The Summary of Technical Stuff Because, Hell, How Should I Know This Crap!)

Sunagakure returned to the conference room, where a very together Leaf Village (minus one old man) had rooted out the problem! Yay!

Konohagakure offered to sell Sunagakure water for X amounts of yen per X gallons of water. The meeting adjourned, and everything was hunky-dory. Except for one, measly, niggling little thing...

-

Timetable: Same as last chapter, but would I remember? Probably not (actually, no.) One week left of boring, boring meetings till Arashi has to fool Gaara-chan.

"I am glad we were able to resolve the discrepancies," Tsunade smiled as the delegates were dismissed. As was custom, she waited until everyone had left the room before leaving herself.

That, unfortunately, did not happen.

"Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade paused in her preparation to leave. The Kazekage apparently wanted to have a word.

"Yes, Gaara-sama?"

"I would like to ask you...a few questions."

Tsunade thought it was rather cute, the way the man who was essentially leading a nation could come off as so nervous. That the man who had killed dozens, hundreds of people in cold blood since the moment he was born, would like to ask her, 'a few questions.'

She hesitated, not out of caution, but thought. "We should go somewhere else. The cleaners will be waiting to come in."

Gaara acquiesced, not that Tsunade had expected him not to. She took him to the balcony, where she had had many meetings with Members of Standing in society.

"What was it that you wanted to ask me?"

Gaara frowned uncertainly. "I-don't know."

At this, Tsunade raised an eyebrow. Thankfully, Gaara wasn't looking at her, but leaning against the railing and looking down at the street below.

"Oh?"

"I don't know how to word it."

Tsunade was beginning to understand. Gaara had never had much human contact, it must be difficult to even perform his duties as Kazekage.

"What was it about? Maybe I can help."

"I. Naruto. How is Naruto. Since the last time I saw him."

_Uh-oh. Shiiiit. That, so soon? _

_Think fast. Think faaaaaast. _

"Well, he's been, err. Naruto, huh." Tsunade began. "He kinda got a bit depressed, I think he asked some girl out and she turned him down," _oh shit oh shit why did I say that he's gonna get sooo pissed, _"but he's A-ok now! Really, back to his old energetic self. Prime candidate for Hokage." Tsunade laughed nervously.

"Aah," Gaara said. Tsunade looked at him oddly; it seemed like he hadn't even been listening to the words she had been saying.

Tsunade sighed inwardly. _I'm going to kill myself later for asking this... _"That's not what you really wanted to ask, was it?"

Gaara stood silently for a full minute, just leaning and people watching. "Iie." he said after a long pause.

Tsunade began to feel impatient. She was...standing here, having a _heart to heart _with this kid who had been raised to kill large numbers of people, who was _unstable_, and he had called her out here for a reason he wasn't even willing to supply.

Tsunade began to gesture awkwardly to break the tension in her shoulders. "I-if you would like to think about it and come back later, I-"

"What's it like to be Hokage, Tsunade-sama?"

"Ee-ara?" she paused in the middle of a 'walk like an egyptian' pose. Gaara looked at her.

"Should I repeat it?"

"Er, uh, no." Tsunade repositioned herself somewhat normally and scratched her cheek thoughtfully.

_Why, of all people, is HE the one asking that question? He should know better than anyone what it's like, he IS the equivalent of– _

_Wwaaaaaaiit. I get it. _

"Naruto, what did you do with the Kazekage?" Tsunade half-grimace. _They got into contact this early? Kami-sama, I hope Arashi was ready for it. _

"...what do you mean, Tsunade-sama."

"Ha-ha-ha, you're such a joker, Naruto, trying to stiff me out of my job already?" Tsunade gleefully elbowed Gaara!Arashi's side.

Gaara!Arashi didn't even twitch.

_Waaaait. Waaaaaaait a minute. Arashi's group...wasn't supposed to come back until...after dinner..._

"Aaeepp!" Tsunade gasped, eeped, and leaped back with her hands covering her mouth. "I am sooo sorry, Kazekage-sama! I didn't have any right to get so close to you!"

"...it's fine." Gaara blushed under his sand armor. And looked away, just in case. No one had actually been brave enough to...touch him so casually before.

"Eeh, I thought, it's just a strange question, but Naruto-kun is on a mission, and he shouldn't be back yet." _Dammit dammit dammit! _Inner Tsunade roared.

"If you don't want to–"

Tsunade most certainly did NOT want to. But her inner-mother interfered. Here was a child, cold and isolated, reaching out for help, how could she but assist?

"If but nothing." Tsunade interrupted firmly. Gaara looked back up at her, with his Koala Eyes wide. "You want to know what it's like to be Hokage?

"Weeeell..." _what was it like to be Hokage, anyway? _"Ah! I know! Everyone calls me Tsunade-hime, and I can foist off all my paperwork on Shizune-chan, so I get to mostly sleep when I'm not working in the hospital. And then I have to deal with the Baka-Elders. So sometimes it's hard work, and people get on my back about being lazy, but overall, it's pretty easy, unless we're at war like a few years ago..." Tsunade continued to ramble, her mother's intuition not picking up on the fact that she had told Gaara exactly what he wanted to know.

-

_So it's just me that makes them skittish. Only me. _

_They all run because they're afraid of me. They haven't forgotten what they made me into, to fit their own mold. It's not the status of Kazekage, their protector, that makes them feign respect._

_It's me._

_The bakemono. _

_But, just now...even if she thought it wasn't me..._

_She treated me like I was normal._

Gaara looked at Tsunade, who was rambling, self-absorbed in her own description of her job.

_Maybe I can find someone for me?_

_-_

"Ka-ka-shi, can we _leave _yet?" Arashi whined.

"I'm huuungry..." Konohamaru mumbled.

"Kakashi, you'll buy us dinner, right?" Ino pleaded.

_At least you'll get food sometime in the near future! I can't leave unless someone tells me to, and it looks like everybody's forgotten that I EXIST! _Neji wanted to scream.

But fate dictated that he not.

TBC.

Learn japanese! I think I'm subconsciously starting to learn it from watching too much anime;;

bakemonomonster

If you don't know something else...just ask.

Poor Gaara, poor Neji! I actually did forget about him, as I was going through sending characters to the village. And ooh–seems like Gaara-chan's working up a love interest? Or maybe just platonic? I, for one, have no idea.

I felt guilty not working on this for a bit. But I really hat this chapter. It's boring, isn't it?

Uggh. That scene with Gaara and Tsunade? Awkward. I hate it. HATE IT. It turned out less serious than I hoped, not what I planned at all.

Keep assisting in the Title votes! And reviewing. Because I'm about to die. (Not suicide or illness. BRAIN DAMAGE, NO MORE SCHOOL PLEASE)


	15. Distractions

Have I been writing my english essay even though I didn't do it the first time it was due? blush Nuooo...Anyway, sort-of major plot development here, I contemplated leaving it for a later chapter, but oh wellis blown away by a soft breeze

NOTE: Arashi, who we all should have figured out by now is Naruto in disguise, and is being disguised as Naruto, will be referred to as Naruto!Arashi when there is not dialogue. Sorry if it's annoying, but saying Arashi in disguise takes too long, yanno? Also, you'll probably figure it out on your own, but sometimes Arashi is talking as 'himself' (who naturally is Naruto, in disguise, but noone knows that,) and at those times, he will be referred to as Arashi. Umm, how about if you have a question, just copy the section into a (signed) review and ask. I won't respond if it isn't signed.

Warning: Lack of Ino, Kinda Sasuke bashing. Gomen.

Dedicated to: blackrose113, kitsune on prozac (bcz your review amused me) and everyone else who reviewed, because I can't remember the names and I'm not on the reviews page.

Disclaimer: I will never own naruto, but one day I hope to create my own manga! (It probably will suck. Oh well.)

Chapter 15: Distractions

Neji sat quietly in the hut. He wondered whether anyone would remember that he was here. Maybe Hinata would remember her Neji-nii.

Perhaps, they should install a heater in the hide-out hut. It was getting quite chilly; fall had begun awhile ago.

-

_Crunch. _

Teeth bit down on a chocolate-covered breadstick. A hand rummaged for another.

_Rustle, rustle._

_Crunch. _

"_Naruto, are you there?_"

The hand panicked on its way to the box, and hurriedly shoved the bag back in.

The body where the mouth was located leapt to its feet and looked around frantically.

"_Naruto, I'm coming in," _

The mind in the body began to chant: _shit, shit, shit, shit..._

The door swung open and Sasuke, Sakura, and Konohamaru walked in.

_Kyle's mom is a big fat bitch, she the biggest bitch in the whole wide world lalalalala she's a bitch to all the BOYS and GIRLS_

"Naruto, what the hell." Konohamaru folded his arms and tried to look cool like Sasuke.

Sakura approached Naruto!Arashi. Naruto!Arashi blushed. "Why Sakura, I didn't know you felt that way about me," he preened.

"What's this?" she neatly plucked the Pocky (no anime world is complete without it) from his clutches.

"Err, well, that is, a box of Pocky. I was feeding it to the rats."

For a bit, nobody said anything, except for the lone fly who buzzed across the room.

"Sasuke, say something to him." Sakura whined.

Sasuke closed his eyes. "I would, but it isn't outside the realm of possibility." Konohamaru nodded in agreement.

Yes, it was possible, for our hero, upon the undertaking of the high-ranked mission, received a downgrade in apartment. He was currently situated in the ghettos of Konoha (not in the _original _Naruto's abode of course, that room had been refurbished and rented out to a starving college student. Because of the low rent.)

Often, Arashi (in his Naruto garb) wondered if he could force the rats to pay the rent.

Of course, the place was too low-class for even the rats to consider paying.

"Well, I think that's bullshit, boss." Konohamaru snatched the box from Sakura and ate a stick.

"Eh?" Naruto!Arashi leaned towards the box. "Why?"

Konohamaru waved the red box around enticingly. The sticks in the open package swayed from side to side. "_I _think that you were just tired of ramen, ramen, ramen all the time. So you decided to sneak in some of the chocolatey goodness."

Sasuke opened his eyes, and closed them again, ever the epitome of coolness. "That's not outside the realm of possibility, either."

"But it's junk food! Surely Naruto would–I would eat it!" Naruto!Arashi corrected himself.

"Did you forget? You eat ramen and drink milk. That's all. Because ramen is cheap and milk is good for you. You don't have the extra money to be spending on candy, because you're still a genin." Sasuke reprimanded, in a rare form.

Sakura stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Nani?"

"Well, S-sasuke-kun, it's not weird for you to ream Naruto out like that, but talking so much at once, you usually just call him a moron or a loser..."

"..."

"Can I have my Pocky?"

"...no way, boss."

"Naruto doesn't _eat Pocky!"_

"Damn it!"

"I would never have guessed that senpai had a Pocky fetish." Konohamaru giggled.

-

It was boring. Not just boring; exceedingly so. Tsunade regretted ever letting Jiraya talk her into accepting the position of Hokage. She should have just made the lazy bastard do it himself. Right now, it was all Tsunade could do to keep herself from clicking her pen in annoyance.

Because honestly, how many different ways were there to say that two countries weren't planning on attacking each other?

The representatives of those two countries were pirouetting about each other, neither wanting to divulge more information about trivial matters than necessary. She supposed it was that wholesome ninja competitiveness.

But no matter how boring it was, she simply refused to do it. No matter what, Tsunade would not allow her eyes to drift towards the...hell, scary Kazekage.

Because after their last chat, Tsunade was waaaay too uncomfortable to get caught looking at him.

It struck her, that even though she was a Kage, she didn't really know all that much that a Kage was purported to know. Maybe Sunaga hadn't made the correct choice in making a child their Kazekage. Maybe everyone should just quit their illusions of order and leaders altogether.

Maybe that's why the tailed beasts were born of the kami.

Involuntarily, Tsunade looked up from the documents spread out before her. Disgusting. It was absolutely disgusting, the way the nobles were so sly and petty. Abruptly, she stood and the arguing pair quieted as they noticed.

_Etou..._ She actually hadn't really thought about how to phrase it, but... "This is getting us nowhere. I think that if all major matters have been taken care of, we should adjourn and wrap things up tomorrow."

A few of the ruling clans from Konoha nodded in agreement. Following their lead, so did several from Sunaga.

"Unless anyone objects, I propose that we discuss any other details with our peers later tonight, and take care of them tomorrow. Any of our guests are welcome to stay, since they were invited for a longer time, but they are of course welcome to return home if they wish." Tsunade bowed and clutched the papers from her desk in her fist before leaving the room through the back exit.

She paused as the door closed behind her. "Where is Naruto-kun?" she asked without turning to look at the long-beaked ANBU. She knew already that his hair splayed out in back like lavender plumage.

"He is in his home with his teammates and the honored-grandson," the ANBU responded with as much indifference.

"Please alert him that I wish to meet him in my office in fifteen minutes," Tsunade turned to the left and began to walk towards her office.

"Hai, Tsunade-hime." The Anbu turned to the right and disappeared out a window.

-

"Ne, ne, we just got back, it's not another mission, is it? Or did you just come to bother me? Or maybe you just couldn't get enough of me? Didn't know you swung that way, Sasu-chan!" Naruto!Arashi batted his eyelashes.

"Urusai, baka." Sasuke responded, blatantly not batting his eyelashes back. "We just came to tell you that you haven't been spied on. Seeing as you're a genin, it's not like you'd be able to tell."

Naruto!Arashi pouted. "Of course I knew. You wouldn't have brought up my Pocky now, if there were."

Sasuke's eyes darted to the window. "Ara?" Naruto!Arashi followed his gaze.

"Oh!" Sakura clapped her hands over her mouth.

The ANBU that was hanging upside-down outside waved politely, before making a seal and vanishing in a cloud of chakra. He reappeared amongst the group.

"Uzumaki-san, the Hokage-sama wants to see you." the ANBU said seriously.

Naruto!Arashi was just Arashi acting as Naruto. So while Arashi himself wasn't amused by the ANBU's looks, Naruto would be. It was a complicated situation; Arashi had to pretend to Naruto who was laughing at the site of a clown like the purple-haired ANBU, but was keeping it deep down inside, because while the ANBU was amusing, he was still an ANBU, and an ANBU was serious.

"She expects you in her office in fifteen minutes," the ANBU patiently directed, like he knew that he was falsely being laughed at, but was above reacting. He made another seal and left.

Naruto!Arashi stood still for a moment, gathering his wits. "Well, I guess you guys better leave then. I don't want you to mess up anything." His whiskers made him seem like he was grinning even though he actually wasn't.

"Aah? What's that supposed to mean, boss! You don't trust me!" Konohamaru yelled.

"Heh, it's not you I don't trust. It's Sasuke-teme. He'd probably ruin by house out of spite!" Naruto!Arashi patted Konohamaru on the head.

"Yeah, like there's anything here worth wrecking," Sasuke keh'd and smirked before turning to leave.

"Hey, that's not cool!" Konohamaru turned away from Naruto!Arashi to yell at Sasuke.

Sasuke stopped for a moment to look back. "Like I care." _He's the one who left, isn't he?_

Konohamaru bristled, didn't reply. He wondered if that's what Sasuke would have said to the real Boss, in his real home.

"Konohamaru-chan, don't worry about it. I gotta go anyway. Why don't you go train? The chuunin exams are coming up." Naruto!Arashi patted Konohamaru's head again, and gently pushed to boy to the door.

Konohamaru looked up at his friend and teammate, and thought that if Naruto had said that himself, it would have been a very mature thing to say.

Sakura left, trailing behind Sasuke like a lost puppy who wasn't quite sure what to do with itself, and Naruto!Arashi locked the door. "Ja ne!" Naruto!Arashi saluted and made his way to the Tower via the roofs.

As he leapt from roof to roof (not getting his friends free cable, unfortunately,) Naruto wondered how in the hell he had ended up in an apartment just as bad as his first. Indeed, his new dominion was just as detestable as the first, complete with worn rugs, dented utensils, and rotting woodwork.

It simply had to be the Kyuubi's poisonous bad luck that Suna had come at that precise time, for after all, while Naruto wasn't a civilian, he was low-rank, and hadn't heard of the preparations. It had to be bad luck that Gaara was insane, and Konoha was afraid of what would happen if Gaara suspected his fellow Jinchuuriki was dead. It HAD TO BE bad luck that even though as Arashi, Naruto looked exactly the same minus the whiskers, and nobody had even figured out that they were one and the same.

In general, it sucked _balls_ that Naruto ended up in these situations. With his stupid friends who were all so blissfully oblivious to the way their ignorance hurt him, with the stupid demon locked away in his belly, with the way he could never quite measure up to the standards of the piss-worthy villagers, all of it, Naruto was fed up with it all. Yet he continued with his little facade, because after all, bad luck could only last so long. Right?

Once this mission was over, Naruto could go back to being Arashi, whom everybody loved, who had potential as a genin, and would pass the chuunin exams with the Sandaime's grandson, and who resembled the beloved Yondaime.

And maybe he could get on with his life once he shed those pathetic old chains who could still recognize him if they would only open their eyes.

-

The secretaries ignored Naruto!Arashi with the same cold indifference they would have afforded the 'real' Naruto, as they had been briefed like anyone else in Konoha who knew anything.

Naruto!Arashi trooped towards Tsunade-baa-chan's office like he would have any other day, loud and boisterously.

He paused outside the door respectfully, aware that if Tsunade had sent an ANBU to fetch him, the situation must be at least a little serious. He knocked, and when Tsunade responded, opened the door.

Tsunade was sitting at her desk doing paperwork, instead of sleeping on the papers, when he walked in.

"Close the door, Naruto-kun." She directed.

Naruto!Arashi shut the door behind him.

"Well, then, Arashi-kun. How have things been?" Tsunade asked as she heaved a sigh.

"Anou, should you be calling me that...?" Arashi cautioned.

"Calm down, it's alright. Sunaga couldn't spy on us if they wanted to. The room's too heavily guarded by jutsu, plus, I don't think the Kazekage would allow it." Tsunade tipped back in her desk chair.

"Gaara-sama? How would you know?" Arashi asked, his curiosity piqued.

"I had a talk with him, yesterday. Before you came back. Honestly, it was so freaking weird, I thought the real Naruto had come back and taken the Kazekage's place." Tsunade laughed hoarsely.

"O-oh." Arashi wondered if he should leave and get help; the Hokage seemed stressed.

"That's what I wanted to talk about with you. He was asking strange questions, like what it was like to be Hokage, and how you were. It was kinda creepy, you know?" She laughed again.

"Tsunade-hime, maybe you should rest..."

"Naah. I will later. Anyway, I wanted to warn you, to be more careful than normal. He's more sensitive, and I think he might've hinged on the idea of you when you were twelve." Tsunade let her chair fall back to the ground. Her large breasts shook and Arashi blushed.

"Heh, that's creepy, Arashi-kun. Blushing when you look like Naruto-kun." Tsunade got up and walked toward Arashi. Arashi stood still, not sure what was going to happen.

Tsunade grasped him in a firm hug. Arashi blushed even more. Presently, she let go and gave him an affectionate pat on the head.

_I couldn't do anything more to him when he looks so much like Naruto-kun. I wish this would all end soon._

"Bye. I guess I'll see you around, Naruto-kun. I'll see that you get plenty of time for training." Tsunade walked behind Arashi and exited the office.

Arashi followed and shut the door behind him.

TBC!

Well. We definitely see some writing changes in there. My mood changed while I was writing;;;

I apologize again for anything confusing, but you can always just ask.

Next Chapter: I haven't written it yet, but what happens will probably have some Naruto-Gaara meeting, and I have to work Sasu and Ino into it somehow. sigh


	16. Stress

Ok, well, I updated my other fic and then I felt bad about not working on this one...sorry bout that...

Dedicated to all 84 of my reviews. See what happens when I don't update for awhile? Gahaha...

Disclaimer: Pfft. Yeah, right. Fuuu-nny.

Warning: More bad language. Whatever. You hear it at school anyway.

Chapter 16: Stress (Under Pressure)

Timetable: I forgot this last chapter, I think. Well, now it's five days till Gaara and Naruto get to hang out.

"Alright! Sexy no jutsu!" Moegi formed a seal with her hands and her breasts grew monumental while her hips slimmed and legs stretched.

Naruto!Arashi sweated. "I...don't think you need that technique, Moegi-san...seeing as you're girl..."

"Boss!" Konohamaru squawked.

"Erk-I mean, damn, Moegi, you don't need a jutsu to get bigger hooters, just drink more milk or somethin'!" he remedied. And laughed. Uproariously.

"Anyway, I don't think you should waste time practicing that. It probably won't be useful during the exams."

_Exams...exams..._ Konohamaru thought hard. _Exams...what about the exams?_

"Hey, Boss..." Konohamaru muttered, still thinking.

"Yeah, Konohamaru?" Naruto!Arashi looked over.

"At the Chuunin exams...Suna will be there, won't it? For the finals."

Naruto!Arashi looked at Konohamaru for a long while. "Yeah," he finally said. "Yeah, I guess they will."

-

Naruto considered the implications of what Konohamaru had just said.

Sunagakure was allied with Konoha. The Chuunin Exams were in three weeks. Suna would be at the Exams. It took at least two weeks for an envoy of non-ninja nobles to cross the desert.

Two weeks one way, two weeks the other. Four weeks. If they turned right around and came back.

The Chuunin exam was in three weeks.

Sunagakure would most definitely be staying in Konoha for at least another three weeks.

That meant that...Naruto couldn't go back to being Arashi.

"Yoush!" Naruto!Arashi yelled. "Let's work on endurance, anyway! We'll need it for the survival part of the exam, and the finals!" He took off around the village.

He went around. And around. Around on the wall he ran; Konohamaru and Moegi kept up pretty well the first ten times. Then they started to fall behind, and then had to stop for breaks every so often, still determined to run around as many times as their third teammate.

Naruto!Arashi stopped on his forty-fifth round. Ten minutes later, Konohamaru and Moegi puffed towards him.

"That's great, Boss," huffed Konohamaru. "You—really are----worthy of being my–rival."

It made perfect sense for Naruto!Arashi to still be completely fresh; he had more than passed the 'genin competence' exam that he had taken upon becoming a Konoha ninja, and he was older than Konohamaru and Moegi.

"You two head home and rest," Naruto!Arashi ordered his teammates. "We'll work with shuriken tomorry. East training field at eight, alright?"

"Sure thing," Konohamaru was still doubled over. Giving up, he collapsed into a sitting position on the wall, Moegi beside him. They would go home in ten minutes-fifteen-hell, a half hour. Whenever their legs stopped feeling like jelly.

"I have some stuff to take care of," Naruto!Arashi commented, and left before Konohamaru could respond.

But he had revealed another of those glaring flaws in personality; Arashi, Konohamaru noticed, wasn't always so careful with his disguise. Oh, he always looked exactly like Naruto. He kept the voice, too. But he would change his expression, his tone; it was less loud, less annoying, less...just less. Less Naruto.

His acting just turned half-assed sometimes.

Not that Konohamaru didn't have faith that Arashi would keep up the facade whenever he sensed anyone else around. He did.

But it disappointed him, because Konohamaru like to pretend that Naruto had never left sometimes.

Konohamaru let his head, and body, drop back onto the harsh stone of the wall and breathed heavily.

-

Arashi ran along the rooftops quickly, softly. He needed to speak to the Hokage; he had to.

Someone, probably a ninja to be fast enough to catch him, threw and old shoe at him and told him to be quieter or stop running on roofs at night. Arashi nimbly leapt to the ground and navigated through the sparse crowds; he probably looked like a blur to most, and felt like a breeze.

"Ara-Naruto?" Ino stepped in front of him.

Arashi quickly ground to a halt. "Ino!" He exclaimed, quickly adopting his Naruto act. "Sup?"

"Oh, I was just getting some bread. We're out and we need it for breakfast. Okaa-san's having ojii-san and obaa-san over tomorrow morning and she's set on fixing some foreign food. Toast, fried in eggs? Weird, anyway." Ino chattered, oblivious to the fact that Arashi was in a hurry.

"Oh? That is weird. I guess mom's are like that." Naruto!Arashi tapped his foot impatiently. "Anyway, I have to go see Baa-chan, so ja!" He sped around Ino. She turned and glared at his afterimage.

"Ch. You're weird, too." she spat, but she didn't mean it. The squirrel twittered from behind her neck. It always seemed to be there nowadays.

"Maybe I'll go shopping tomorrow. I might run into Sasuke." She told the squirrel. It curled its lips in opposition.

"You can't come, because you're weird too." She lectured.

Oh well, the squirrel decided. It would follow her anyway.

Arashi slowed to a walk as he neared the Hokage Tower. Around here, people from Suna would be especially thick; plus, he didn't want to be viewed as a threat because he was running too fast.

He waved, characteristic of Naruto, at some of the people milling around.

"Hey, I need to talk to Baa-chan, is she in a meeting?" Naruto!Arashi leaned up against the desk.

The Chuunin glared up. "No, but she's too busy to waste time playing with you. Go home, please."

Naruto!Arashi smiled sweetly, baring his canines. "But Arashi has something to tell her." he crooned, tracing a finger across the desk.

The kunoichi leaned back. "O-oh? Is that so? Well, you better go then, that's pretty important."

"Sankyuu," Naruto!Arashi flounced up the stairs. The kunoichi could've sworn she saw a tail swishing behind him. Which simply wasn't possible. Unless the Naruto-lookalike was sick.

He was still skipping when he came to her door. In case she was asleep, he slammed the door open with a loud "BAA-CHAN" before stomping rudely inside.

Tsunade looked up from her paperwork and booze. "Huh? What, Naruto-kun?"

Arashi slammed the door shut again.

"I think they heard that in the guest suites, Arashi-kun," Tsunade stated wryly.

Arashi stalked over to her desk and slammed his palms down. A stack of papers toppled over. "We need to talk, _Baa-chan_," he snarled. "I hope you conveniently didn't think of it."

Tsunade leaned back with an expression of distaste. She thought Arashi was cute, and talented, but still wasn't willing to put up with the loud and angry. "Think of what, Arashi_-kun_?" She leaned back and narrowed her eyes.

"Hey, Baa-chan. How long does it take to get to Suna?" Arashi grinned ferally.

"Two weeks," she answered automatically. She had heard enough bitching about it already.

"And how much longer till the Chuunin exams?"

"Three." But she still didn't understand where this was going.

"How much longer till this mission's _over,_ Baa-chan?" Arashi leaned forward.

"Six...days..." Tsunade said slowly, beginning to compute as Arashi had done earlier. "Crap..."

Arashi shoved himself off the desk and began to pace. "What the hell do you think I'm doing here, Hokage-sama? Sitting on my ass?"

Tsunade didn't reply.

"Dammit! I'm not going to pretend to be Naruto for the Chuunin exams! I'm not compromising my teammates chances of advancing for this!" Arashi snarled.

Tsunade swallowed. "Sorry," she whispered. "Sorry."

"You think 'sorry's gonna cut it? Huh? You're the leader of the country, Tsunade-sama. You need to think this stuff through. You have _advisers_. This shit shouldn't happen." Arashi continued to pace.

"Sorry," she whispered again, still in shock.

"Sorry? How are you gonna fix this, huh?" Arashi moved towards the desk again, before turning around to face the door. "They're all gonna be there. They're gonna be here for the next three weeks, at least."

"I don't know what to do. I'm sorry," Tsunade worked out.

"You don't know? FUCK!" Arashi yelled.

A knock sounded at the door. Gaara opened it. "Is there a problem?" he monotoned, with his eyes promising pain for whoever was disturbing the peace.

The scene he saw was a messy office, papers strewn everywhere, with Tsunade at her desk with her head in her hands and a flushed Naruto standing with his fists balled at his sides.

"Naruto," he monotoned again, his irises contracting in mild shock.

"Gaara," Naruto!Arashi muttered. He leaned over Tsunade's desk once more, whispering 'fix this' quietly enough that only she could hear.

"Well, I'm done here," Naruto!Arashi strained cheerfully.

"What's wrong." Gaara asked.

Naruto!Arashi crossed to the door. "It's nothing you need to worry about," he said cheerfully again.

Gaara caught his arm.

"What's wrong." he repeated.

"Nothing!" Naruto!Arashi ripped his arm away from Gaara. Gaara's expression didn't flinch. "It's nothing." Naruto!Arashi said with a pained expression. "Just stress. Sorry if I disturbed you. But I need to be alone for a bit."

Gaara let Naruto pass. Naruto stalked down the hall, then began to run. He ran all the way to his new apartment.

Gaara looked at Tsunade. She sighed. "It's nothing you can help with. No, you shouldn't even try. Sorry for the disturbance. If anyone else heard, tell them it was nothing."

"They didn't hear. I felt the chakra." Gaara said emotionlessly. "Hokage-dono."

"You felt his chakra?" Tsunade whispered. "From just that? You shouldn't be able to feel his chakra at all. Not in a blocked room like this."

Gaara looked at her as he turned to go out. Probably, he would take advantage of Konoha's baths. "He contains the Kyuubi. I can feel it." The door shut behind him.

"He contains the Kyuubi...no, he doesn't. But what family did he come from to have chakra like that? I guess I couldn't tell." Tsunade giggled hysterically to herself. She would be glad when this was all sorted out.

Maybe she would need to request a mission from Hidden Stone.

TBC!

Wow, that went faster. And Arashi! Wow, he learned to talk like a redneck! Yay! Sorry if that chapter was a little off, I haven't written this fic in a long time;;;

Review please! I wonder if I'll ever get one hundred reviews...


	17. The Cat Stays in the Bag

Well. Even though I wasn't totally inspired for this chapter...I haven't updated in awhile. Since this has been the longest, I thought I might even though I have finals (what am I saying...I don't study for those anyway...) Voila! Chaptero...17 I think it is? Wow.

Disclaimer: I wonder about those people who don't put disclaimers...could they be the mangakas writing fanfiction for their own stories? (Speaking of which, I wonder if there are any mangakas who read fanfiction for their own stories...)

Anyhow, the way 'naruto' is referred to has changed. This has nothing to do with the plot, I just felt like writing it more delicately, I guess? Maa.

Chapter 17:The Cat Stays in the Bag

Timetable: I skipped the last four days. I might do a flashback if it strikes my fancy.

_Swish. Domm._ A sandal-clad foot stopped neatly against the stone wall.

_Swish. Domm._ Again. Again. Again.

The owner of the foot smiled; sultry-like. The flowers in the small garden adorning the side of the Hokage tower were slowly wilting; fall was turning into winter.

_Swish. Domm._ The foot came up again, but this time, did not fall back to the wall. "Hey, Gaara!"

Psuedo-Naruto grinned cheerfully. He turned and looked up at Gaara, who was standing next to him, on top of the wall.

"I thought you hadn't noticed me," Gaara stated, monotonous as always.

Psuedo-Naruto kicked his feet and pushed himself off the wall, landing with a dull 'thud.'

"Well, it took me awhile. I'm not a -kage, you know." Naruto's grin widened. The whiskers stretched and warped on his cheeks.

Gaara stared down at Naruto over his crossed arms. "You've changed." he said.

Naruto looked away. "Is that so?" he grinned once more; only this time, it took on a strange slant. At least to Gaara. "Is that so?" Naruto repeated more quietly.

Gaara deigned to sit on the wall. "A year ago you would never have gone out of your way to convenience someone. You would have had us meet in town, somewhere halfway, not so near to where I'm staying.

"Furthermore, you would not have met anyone in a garden, excluding Sakura. Even then, you would still have preferred some ramen joint." Gaara eyed the Psuedo-Naruto, but not suspiciously.

Naruto chuckled. Should he even be referring to himself as the Psuedo-Naruto? He rubbed at his cheeks self-consciously. No makeup came off; there wasn't any there in the first place. He only pretended to be himself, his old self, when he was in front of his old 'friends.'

"What's wrong," Gaara repeated what he had asked five days ago.

Naruto paused. He leaned back against the wall, beside Gaara. "Nothing."

"Liar."

"Like you would know? I thought you were antisocial."

"A shinobi can tell."

"But not a friend?"

"I didn't know you were speaking to me as a friend. If you were, you would tell me what's wrong."

Naruto dropped his grin in shock. It was soon retrieved. "I hope you don't lose your voice from talking too much."

Gaara stared at Naruto. "I'll get in trouble for making you suspicious, you know. They'll yell at me."

Gaara looked at Naruto, a little puzzled. "There's no one around."

"I know. But if there were, I like to think that you wouldn't ask me such awkward questions. It would be quite callous." Naruto tilted his head back and pulled at the cotton of his jumpsuit.

"I wouldn't. I would seize anyone spying and question them."

"Of course."

"But you haven't answered my question."

"You're absolutely right," Naruto countered.

"So do it." Gaara stared straight ahead. "You have offered me some compromising information, even if I don't understand it, Uzumaki."

Naruto flung his head forward again and heaved himself back up onto the wall. "Oh? You've learned how to blackmail? I'm so sorry for corrupting you!"

"..." Gaara glared at Naruto from the corner of his eye.

"Hai, hai." Naruto held up his hands in defeat. "I'm just tired of Konoha, a bit. Maybe I have wanderlust, but I always did want to be amazing, didn't I?"

Gaara twisted to face Naruto. "Then come to Suna with us. You could work there."

Naruto shifted his elbows to rest on his knees. "...No. I'd rather not."

"Why?" Gaara asked. The dust on the ground stirred, despite the fact that there was no wind.

"I have my own plans about that. I don't want you to interfere with them, either." Naruto looked at Gaara. His eyes were determined, insidious.

"No?"

"No. I'll tell you what, when I've finally succeeded, I'll come and show you!" Naruto's determined eyes disappeared. "But until then, you have to act like I'm just how you expected me to be. Deal?"

Gaara stared at Naruto's wily face. "...deal." he replied after much thought.

-

"Saa!" Naruto jumped off the wall again. Gaara stepped down, more dignified. "We'll go see the town, ok? People will think we're weird if we just sit there all day!"

"Right..."

Naruto pranced towards the streets where the shops were. "We'll go eat first. It's almost noon."

Gaara followed at a sedate pace.

"We can go get–" Naruto began. He was cut off by Gaara's stony silence. It...it spoke to him.

_I hope you don't plan to take the Kazekage to a ramen stand for lunch. I really hope. _The silence literally screamed in his ears.

"Eemm...we can go to that barbeque place! It's really good, run by the Akimichi's. I'm sure you know about them, they're a fairly...prominent clan around here!" Naruto laughed it off, like the fool everyone knew him to be, and Gaara moved to walk beside him.

After all, the Kazekage couldn't be seen deferring to someone.

-

Ino walked along at a fast clip, carrying the groceries for tonight's dinner. Apparently, Kakashi had been conned into another meal by her mother-and Ino had been conned into cooking it. It was Ino's bad luck that she had only found out today; planning had been hell, and finding everything even worse.

Right now, all she wanted to do was go home and eat to her heart's content. (Not that she would; she wasn't a shinobi any longer, so she needed to watch her figure closely.) She decided to pick up a meat bun at a nearby vendor instead.

The squirrel on her shoulder grasped at the meat bun, taking out a large chunk for its efforts. "Stop that! I'll feed you at home," Ino chastised.

"Ano–sa–an-en----ee ent-o--the..." a loud voice trailed through the crowded marketplace. It was...Naruto? No, Arashi! On duty, however.

She should still say hi, though, shouldn't she? The squirrel chittered excitedly.

Arashi–no, Naruto, she should think of him by that name- hadn't noticed her. He was animatedly chatting with Gaara. Gaara had the same bland expression on his face as always, not that Ino had much experience with his expressions anyway. The most she had seen was his stoic face and his kill-Lee face.

Naruto and Gaara were walking toward her; they still hadn't noticed her standing there, meat bun in hand. Ino felt a little irritated for being ignored. Despite her twitching brow, she raised her arm and waved.

"Hey, Naruto!" the meat bun swayed in the air.

"Aree?" Naruto looked around. "Ino-chan?"

Ino closed the distance and encroached in Naruto's space. "Thought you wouldn't notice me, baka!" She leaned in and giggled. "You're here with Kazekage-sama?" She bend her knees in a makeshift curtsy; her hands weren't free, and in any case she wasn't wearing a skirt.

"Hai." Gaara responded.

"Aah..." Ino paused in shock; she hadn't expected Kazekage-sama to speak to her. Kazekage-sama seemed the type to only talk when necessary.

Naruto didn't seem to pick up on her uncomfortableness; but he broke the awkward silence anyway. "We're going to the BBQ place for lunch, would you like to join us?"

Typical insensitive Naruto; inviting guests on what was obviously a private date. Ino had to hand it to Arashi, he was doing a marvelous job of impersonating the loudmouth.

"Sorry, Naruto, Kazekage-sama." Ino smiled and hefted the bags of groceries. "I have to cook dinner, okaasan invited Kakashi over for dinner tonight. And I have to clean." The squirrel scrabbled for purchase on her shoulder; it squeaked in protest to the sudden movement.

"Maaa, that's too bad, Ino-chan." Naruto crossed his arms and nodded, agreeing with...himself? "Well, see ya around."

"'Bye." Ino offered a parting wave and continued her weary trudge home. The squirrel flicked its tail as a fairwell.

Gaara looked behind at the girl as Naruto led him to lunch. "That girl...looks familiar. She was a ninja?"

"Yeah, Yamanaka Ino. She fought Sakura at the Chuunin exams, remember? Well, maybe you don't." Naruto said, glancing back as well. "She quit, anyway. She's a Sasuke fan, you know."

"...I remember. She seemed angrier before. But I wouldn't know." Gaara looked forward again.

"Yeah, she was a read tightwad before she quit being a ninja, if you know what I mean. But since she quit being a shinobi she seems much happier. Actually, I noticed Sasuke eyeing her a couple of times. He might consider her prime wife material." Naruto chuckled; then he felt a chill.

_Bonk._

"Talking about me, dobe?" Sasuke dangerously uttered.

"S-sasuke! Fancy meeting you here! We were just talking about you!" Naruto rubbed his aching head tenderly.

"I know. I heard. Don't." Sasuke hefted his heavy plastic bag of nin-drinks; perfect to keep any ninja hydrated and energized.

"Ahaha. But you were at the same marketplace, you wouldn't be keeping tabs on Ino, would you? You sly dog..."

Sasuke made to hit Naruto again, but remembering Gaara's presence, restrained himself. "Che. Bye." He needed to get ready to stake out the Yamanaka property; Ino's mother was intent on fixing Ino up with Kakashi-sensei.

"And he is more sinister." Gaara noticed.

"Really? I thought he'd loosened up a bit." Naruto rushed the rest of the way to the barbeque restaurant, not wanting to be interrupted again.

They had been sitting in silence for a few minutes when Gaara opened his mouth. "Are you...going to be taking the jounin examination."

"Heh? Jounin?" Naruto looked over in surprise.

"You've been a chuunin for a few years. Sasuke is already a jounin, isn't he?"

"So what? Not everybody's Sasuke."

"But you're at least jounin level. You know that."

"Maybe, maybe not."

"Naruto." Gaara pressed.

"You know...Gaara...I recall you agreeing to not interfere. You'll know in due time." Naruto stared across the table in utmost seriousness.

Gaara stared back solemnly. Naruto slapped his hand on the table.

"Bwa-haha! Come on, don't be like that, Gaara-chan!" Naruto laughed raucously. A couple of Akimichis cheered for him in the background, not realizing who his companion was.

"Anyway, Gaara, it won't make a difference what my ninja ranking is, soon. We'll get it figured out."

-

"Arashi-kun." Tsunade tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Well, we planned something. It isn't great, but it'll have to do."

Arashi leaned back in this seat he had pulled before her desk. "And?"

"You were only supposed to have one week off as Naruto, to be with Gaara-dono. So, on the week of the chuunin exams, I'll arrange a series of missions for you.

"On the first stage of the exam, I'll have a two-day mission planned. For the second, which is five days as always, you'll allegedly be gone on a ten day mission. That will give you a few days to prepare for the second stage and a few days to recover from any injuries incurred during the second stage of the exam, or any injuries you may receive in the even of a preliminary final. You will be given access to my own healing afterwards. We cannot give you preferential treatment.

"Then during the next month you will have few missions so you can train with your team. We arranged a mask for you to wear as a disguise; the Kazekage has sharp eyes. Another extended mission will be 'assigned' right before the third stage." Tsunade folded her hands primly.

Arashi stood from his slouched position. "Very well, then. I'm sure it will be fine." Arashi smiled a golden smile. "Thank you very much, Tsunade-hime."

Tsunade felt her heart melt again. Who cared if the boy got a little abusive...he was just like a prince.

TBC

Wow...I was reading over previous chapters and...geeze...I was weird...but you know, I don't remember writing half of this stuff...Well, at any rate, I'm glad I stopped putting notes in the middle of the story. There weren't a lot anyway.

Anyway, I'm not really satisfied with the chapter, I'm still trying to work out exactly how everything happens, but I'll just go with the flow...

Please review and ask any questions necessary! Actually I think there were a few discrepancies last chapter with the days and stuff...very confusing.


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